Alumen, Aluminis, Alum: The Wave of the Future

Aluminum foil. What would we do without it? I was driving Alex to school the other day and listening to my favorite Denver morning show, Dom and Jane in the Morning. They started talking about aluminum foil, and I learned something that has changed my life!

How long have I been using aluminum foil? 30-plus years. How many times has the roll tumbled out of the box as I'm trying to pull out the right sized sheet? At least 300-400 times. Go grab your box of aluminum foil and take a look at the end. Do you see that little perforated part that says, "Press Tab To Hold Roll"? Go ahead, push that in on both ends. Voila, your roll is locked in place. It still spins so as to allow proper pulling form, but that roll isn't going anywhere!

Am I the only one that didn't know about this, people? Obviously not if they're talking about it on the radio. But it has changed my life. I ran home and started pushing in those little devils on all of my boxed products: Saran Wrap, Aluminum Foil, Cling Wrap. And don't worry if you don't see the "Press Tab" instructions. Even the generic versions have the tabs, they just don't spell out how to use them.

While I was searching online for an aluminum foil pictures, I stumbled across this site for the Aluminum Foil Deflective Beanie. An AFDB is "is a type of headwear that can shield your brain from most electromagnetic psychotronic mind control carriers." These people seem pretty serious about this! I think this could help in several areas of my life right now.

First off, ever since the ski resorts introduced their state-of-the-art radio frequency technology for scanning ski passes, I've been thinking a lot more about the crazy amounts of waves that travel through my body every day. "What do you want to about this?" asked Kevin, when I mentioned my thoughts as we rode up the ski lift. "I'm not sure. I just don't think it can be healthy."

I now have the solution. I'll create an AFD Ski Helmet. I'm sure there's a huge market out there. Don't you think? If nothing else, it'll keep all those mind readers who are frequently Vail from stealing my invention before the patent is approved.

One more fun tip that I didn't know: To prevent static electricity in your clothing, throw a small crumpled up ball of foil into your dryer.