The Senior Bird

As I was turning into the grocery store today, a little old lady in a HUGE Ford Excursion was pulling out of the parking lot. First let me say that Ford Excursions are so large they should be illegal and those that drive them are the scourge of modern society. Sucking up gas, blasting out emissions, taking up two parking spaces. Don't get me started!

So maybe I accidently cut the turn a little close, but I was clearly in my own lane and not even close to touching the yellow center line. But the little biddy in her monster truck must have thought otherwise. She had her arm casually resting on her door. She must have been one of those kids with long gorilla arms that all the kids teased. Because unless she was sitting on 5 or 6 phone books, I'm not sure how this tiny woman pulled off the "casually resting her arm" on the window ledge of the World's Tallest Vehicle Door. Here's the kicker. Just as casually as she had her arm draped, she raised her hand and flipped me the bird.

Now there are many, many things wrong with this picture, but let's start with the obvious ones. This 80-something grandmother doesn't so much as bat an eye or look even remotely angry about the fact that she assumes I cut her off. She raised that gnarly old finger straight up in the air like she was waving to a neighbor. Waving with one finger, that is.

Call me conservative, but I'm not a big fan of the bird in the first place. Honk your horn, squeal your brakes, yell at me. But don't raise that finger at me, missy! Now I know that teenagers are all "free to be you and me" with the bird and deliver it with abandon. But sheesh, it gives me the shivers to think of my grandmother, or someone else's for that matter, roaming through their daily activities and freely throwing "screw you" gestures about.

So I revisit my earlier point. Maybe this angry old woman isn't all that meets the eye. It's not her fault that she's pissed off. It's that stupid truck. After all it's pretty stressful to be the scourge of modern society. And no one bothered to tell her that at the Ford dealership.

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