Lunacy: Finding Sanity in Life's Little Things

Trying to win an iPad!! Wish me luck.

2011-03-23T18:51:00.000-06:00

I’m posting this to enter a contest on offered by Brad’s Deals at Sweetney! I want to win the white iPad 2! Wish me luck. Considering that the screen of my iPhone is still broken (and I'm trying to hold out until at least July to replace it), it would make me happy to win an iPad. I hate that I covet Apple products, but I'll admit it! I do!

Latest Woodworking Project :: Knockoff Wood Locker Cabinet

2010-11-01T15:07:00.000-06:00

I just posted about my latest woodworking project over on my other blog. Check out the details here: http://www.handyhausfrau.com/2010/11/latest-woodworking-project-knockoff.html

Marathon Running Playlist

2010-09-14T21:00:00.000-06:00

I mentioned in one of my last posts that I've taken up running. Long story short - after reading several very inspirational books, I realized that I don't have to be the fastest, I don't have to be the best. I just have to put one foot in front of the other and run. And I have to say that I'm loving it. I'm averaging 15-20 miles/week right now. I'll admit, there are times during each run that I find myself hating the moment. But overall, running has become a mental challenge for me. I love seeing if I can run farther or faster than...myself. I'm a competitive person, but I've never been a good enough runner to be competitive at this sport. However, I can be competitive with myself. What a fun mind game!

Part of the fun for me is discovering new music that makes me happy while I'm running. Although I've started slow and started with reasonable distances, in my heart of hearts I would love to work up to running the Denver Marathon in October of 2011. In honor of the year ahead in training (and all those races that will hopefully fall into place along the way), I've created a marathon playlist. I'm always looking for new songs, so feel free to leave your ideas in the comments. Enjoy!

Accidentally In Love - Counting Crows
Ain't No Other Man - Christina Aguilera
Black Horse and the Cherry Tree - KT Tunstall
Bleed It Out - Linkin Park
Boom - P.O.D.
Break Your Heart - Taio Cruz & Ludacris
Brick House - The Commodores
Califonia Gurls - Katy Perry
Candyman - Christina Aguilera
Close To Me - The Cure
Come On Eileen - Save Ferris
Consequence Free - Great Big Sea
Crazy - Gnarls Barkley
Dancing Queen - ABBA
Don't Let Me Get Me - Pink
Fergalicious - Fergie
Find Your Love - Drake
Flagpole Sitta - Harvey Danger
Freak On A Leash - Korn
Freedom '90! - George Michael
Fuck And Run - Liz Phair
Gimme More - Britney Spears
Gives You Hell - The All-American Rejects
Grey Cell Green - Ned's Atomic Dustbin
Heaven - DJ Sammy & Yanou featuring Do
Hello City - Barenaked Ladies
Hey Ya! - Outkast
Hey, Soul Sister - Train
Holiday - Madonna
Hot N Cold - Katy Perry
I Don't Feel Like Dancin' - Scissor Sisters
I Don't Want To Be - Gavin McGraw
I Gotta Feeling - Black Eyed Peas
I'm Walking on Sunshine - Katrina and the Waves
If I Can't Have You - Yvonne Elliman
Just A Girl - No Doubt
Kids - MGMT
Kill YOur Television - Ned's Atomic Dustbin
Kiss Me Deadly - Lita Ford
Life Is a Highway - Tom Cochrane
Live Like We're Dying - Kris Allen
Lump - The Presidents of the United States of America
Move Along - The All-American Rejects
Nothin' On You - B.o.B. featuring Bruno Mars
OMG - Usher
One Night in Bangkok - Vinylshakerz
The Only Difference Between Matyrdom and Suicide - Panic! At the Disco
OOH AHH...Just a little bit - Gina G
Perfect Gentleman - Wyclef Jean
PJ & Rooster - Outkast
Poker Face - Lady GaGa
Punch In Punch Out - Seven Mary Three
Rehab - Amy Winehouse
Right Now (Na Na Na) - Akon
Say Hey (I Love You) - Michael Franti & Spearhead
Sex On Fire - Kings of Leon
She Gave Good Sunflower - The Black Crowes
Show Me Love (Safari Remix) - Mobin Master
Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It) - Beyonce
Smooth Criminal - Alien Ant Farm
Spaceship - Benny Benassi
Spam - Save Ferris
St. Teresa - Joan Osborne
Stickshifts and Safetybelts - CAKE
Suddenly I See - KT Tunstall
Sun Children - Nickodemus
Take the Time - The Freddy Jones Band
The Takeover, The Breaks Over - Fall Out Boy
Tangerine Speedo - Caviar
Taste of India - Aerosmith
Tiffany Blews - Fall Out Boy
Totally Fucked - Spring Awakening Soundtrack
Toxic - Britney Spears
Typical - Tickle Me Pink
Under 21 - Save Ferris
Wasting Time - Kid Rock
Welcome To Paradise - Green Day
When I'm Up (I Can't Get Down) - Great Big Sea
Women and Men - They Might Be Giants
You & Me & The Bottle Makes 3 - Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
Zombies Ate My Neighbors - Single File
4 Minutes - Madonna
Send Me On My Way - Rusted Root
1, 2, 3, 4 - Plain White T's
U + Ur Hand - Pink
Paralyzer - Finger Eleven
Back To One - All One Surface
Cold Hard Bitch - Jet
Last Living Souls - Gorillaz
I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
Hum Hallelujah - Fall Out Boy
American Girl - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
I Never Knew (Remix) - Gloria Gaynor
If I Didn't Have a Goiter - Johnny Socko

Spiderman in Paradise

2010-09-06T23:02:00.002-06:00

What more could a 5 year old ask for than to have his face painted like Spiderman and to eat his first caramel apple ever while strolling lakeside in Keystone, Colorado? We spent the long weekend in the mountains with great friends, amazing food and tons of laughs. You couldn't ask for a better end to summer than cooking S'mores over the grill on a star-filled night in Breckenridge. We are so lucky to have fun friends and to live in Colorado - which truly is paradise.

Photostacker Wannabe

2010-09-02T21:08:00.000-06:00

I love the look that you can achieve with the Photostacker screensaver on Macs. There's also a free shareware program you can download that will replicate the effect on your PC. I'm a PC girl - for now. Always have been since most of corporate America uses them. And I've always worked with and in corporate America. Now that I've been fully freelance for five and a half years - and it looks as though that status is going to stick, even after the boys are in school, I'm thinking it might be time to switch to my first choice - a Mac. I've been eyeing one for several months, and a little birdie told me that I might be getting one for Christmas. We'll have to see if I can be a good girl the rest of the year and maybe Santa will bring me something wonderful.

Meanwhile, in switching the look of my blog, I wanted to duplicate the effect of Photostacker in my new header. Whadd'ya think? A summer full of fun photos and a half-hour in Photoshop, and voila - a new header that makes me happy everytime I look at it. I've been playing with some animation, too. So those photos might rotate in a few weeks. For now, the static Polaroids make me smile.

I'm Back...and "This, too, deserves its own post!"

2010-09-01T08:36:00.000-06:00

It seems like I've been away forever. I wish I could say that I had some grand excuse, but I just needed a break. Two blogs, a full-time mom job, a part-time writer/marketer job, a husband, and a dog who is pushing the geriatric envelope have taken up much of my time and energy.

Thought I'd share some of the things that have been on my mind and inspiring me over the past several months:

1. It would be easy to say that my break from blogging was a technology hiatus. Although this wasn't a conscious decision, maybe that's truly what it was. Coincidently, I heard this story on NPR this weekend. It seemed to explain (or at least provide a convenient excuse) for my lack of blogging, tweeting, etc.

Digital Overload: Your Brain On Gadgets

2. Speaking of NPR, a friend of mine from college just published his first book and it's receiving great reviews. He just finished an interview on NPR about the book, titled Interstate 69: the Unfinished History of the Last Great American Highway. You can listen to the interview here. I'm so proud to say that I know Matt. I could write amazing stories about all of the talented people I know from my college days.

3. I've started running. If you know me, you know that I'm a self-professed "running hater." I ran in Junior High because my older brother ran, and I just assumed that's what everyone did. I have literally tried running a total of 10 times since I was 14. So the subject of running definitely deserves its own post - which will come soon. For now, just know that I'm been putting one foot in front of the other and running! Feels good, too.

4. Both of my kiddos started school. I have a brand-new Kindergartener. This, too, deserves its own post. I have watched a confident, polite, caring "big boy" blossom before my eyes. Anyone who says kids shouldn't go to preschool needs to meet my kid. Before two years of preschool, Alex was shy, unsure of himself, easily overwhelmed by sensory stimulus. Now, he's a completely different boy. Yes, some of it is maturation and good parenting (tee-hee), but I have repeatedly thanked his preschool teachers in the last two weeks for the safe, caring atmosphere they created for him during those key developmental years.

5. Ben started preschool. Same school and teachers that I was singing the praises of above. He is loving every minute of it (which I knew he would), and it warms my heart to hear him talking about "his new friends." Although he did tell me that he didn't want to invite any of his new girl friends over for a playdate because girls "go potty too much." Amazing how the 3-year-old brain works.

6. We've entered the wonderful world of karate/tae-kwon-do. The boys were begging me to take lessons. Ben is too little, but Alex LOVES, LOVES it. This, too, deserves its own post. I never thought I would want my kids taking martial arts, but the discipline and respect woven into the forms have won me over. More on this in a later post.

7. I've been inspired by several bucket lists recently. In particular, this one. I love the idea of 101 things in 1001 days. Although, as I'm doing the math, I'll need to accomplish one of these major life things every 10 days for the next 2.75 years. I might have to rethink the timeframe or the number of items on my list. "This, too, deserves its own post" seems to be the theme of this entry. So, you guessed it - I'm working on this life list.

8. That's it for now - except to say that the other day "Dude Looks Like a Lady" by Aerosmith popped up on the iPod shuffle. You remember: "Do me, do me, do me, sue me. What a funky lady. She like it like it like it like that." Alex (our oldest) got very quiet for a minute, looked at Kevin and said, "Mommy is definitely not that 'Funky Lady.'" I love it!

Keystone Winter Culinary Festival :: OMG! Could Life Be Any Sweeter?

2010-03-08T14:34:00.002-07:00

We went to the mountains with an old friend this weekend. He was in town surprising his new significant other with a ski trip to Colorado. It's always fun to spend time with people you've known for years and see new aspects of their personality emerge when they're loving life with a new partner. Our friend was happy and centered and positively glowing (if it's possible for a guy to glow)!

Saturday was spent at Keystone reintroducing our friends to skiing after many years off of the sticks. That night, we met up with some new friends and headed up the mountain to the Keystone Winter Culinary Festival. The event was truly a first-class experience all the way around. We received our Grand Tasting passes and boarded the gondola just as the sky was turning to pink and the sun settling in behind the peaks in the distance. It was a cozy ride up and fun to revisit runs that we'd skiied down earlier in the day from high up in the air.

The second gondola dropped us off in front of The Outpost Lodge. It had been transformed from the everyday cafeteria-style eating place to an old world alpine chalet. The night started with complimentary etched wine glasses and a yummy champagne toast. Then we strolled from table to table sampling foods made by the staff from Keystone Ranch, Ski Tip Lodge, Alpenglow Stube and Bighorn restaurants. My favorites were the scallops that were perfectly cooked and sat atop some sort of mushroom reduction and a mushroom terrine shaped like a flower. I also loved the duck dumpling that was accompanied by a spinach salad dressed with ruby-red pomegranate seeds. I've never thought of salting my spinach salad. The salty touch from the seasalt combined with the bitter spinach and arugula and the sweet little pops of pomegranate seeds was an amazing combination.

So the food sounds great, right? Let me introduce you to the evening's main event - at least for our group - the desserts. Take a look at these pictures.

Chocolate-mint cannoli "ice cream cones" and chocolate cups filled with Cappucino mousse

See that stick on the left? Rice Krispie Treats, fresh strawberries and miniature fudgy brownies doused in a chocolate fountain. Truffles and berry cups with silky creme fraiche lining the bottom.

A cheeseburger, you say? Wrong. That Big Mac-like creation was actually the sweetest cupcake you've ever tasted. Amazing isn't it?

Here's a glimpse of just a few of the platters in the dessert room. Sorry for the blurry photo. My hands were actually shaking due to a sugar-induced food coma at this point. Right before I was greeted by this Bacchanalian-display of chocolatey glory, I got a text message from our friend. We were still sampling wines and licking our plates clean of the cheesy fondue with crab meat and asparagus. The text delivered one very simple command: YOU NEED TO COME TO DESSERT!!!

You can see why. By the way, I just googled "Bacchanalian" to make sure I was spelling that chubby little devil's name correctly. Right next to the spelling was a definition - "orgiastic festivities." This couldn't be more accurate - at least gastronomically. I was greeted with another glass of champagne, ushered over to a counter where one of the chefs was assembling caviar and crab meat atop a creme fraiche-slathered blini. As I took the last bite of that pre-dessert morsel, I was swept past a small polka duo, complete with lederhosen and the requisite accordian. One of our party said, "I actually felt like they were singing to me. I wanted to say, 'Aw...you shouldn't go to all that trouble, singing just for me.'"

Beyond the musicians were these platters of yumminess...

And to top it all off, a cup of coffee. Not really - actually a striped-chocolate teacup filled with some Bailey's Irish Creme concoction and topped with a chocolate coffee bean.

Towards the end of the evening, we found out that the pastry chef responsible for this unbelievable spread was named Ned. If I hadn't been so distracted by the next culinary surprise, I would have found out which restaurant he works at. All I can say is that women the world over - at least in the general vicinity of Keystone - were saying Ned's name in their dreams on Saturday night.

We bundled up and headed off into the crisp Colorado night. Boarding the gondola, we were given thick fleece blankets to keep us warm for the ride back down the mountain. Looking out, we could see a million stars above us and the snowcats grooming for the next day's runs below. Beneath the din of our laughter and animated chatter, I could hear one very quiet word in the mind of each of us - at least the women. Ned, ned, ned...is what drifted off into the night.

**Update: I've since done some googling, and I'm 99% sure that the aforementioned Ned is Executive Pastry Chef Ned Archibald who runs Ned’s Bake Shop in the Keystone Conference Center. Run - don't walk and do not pass go - to this Bake Shop and savor all of the tastiness!!

The Handy Hausfrau (DIY Website) is Live

2010-03-02T21:56:00.000-07:00

I've finally got the new website in full swing. You can check out The Handy Hausfrau here. My latest project is a DIY Portable Spice Kit. You'll find a full tutorial as well as a downloadable PDF of the vintage spice labels I created.

I can't wait to test it out on our next trip to the mountains. No more searching for those little handi-wipe sized envelopes of crushed red pepper left over from the pizza delivery last year! Enjoy.

Father-Son Rites of Passage

2010-03-01T20:40:00.002-07:00

Today was a big day for Kevin and Alex - particularly Kevin. It's every parent's dream to wake up one day and realize that they can share their interests with their children. Kevin's main interests right now? His family (immediate and extended), friends, skiing and hockey.

I can only imagine how a father imagines that tiny baby boy that is cradled in his arms, grown up and sitting beside him on the couch for football Sundays or hiking through canyon country together or tossing a baseball back and forth in the yard. I know these are things that Kevin imagined. And he's honest about the fact that he loves each stage with our boys, but the older they get the more and more connected he feels - far from the days of them crying out for me because I was the primary source of food and comfort.

This morning, Kevin took Alex skiing - just the two of them. We spent all weekend skiing with friends - a couple who has a son smack between Alex and Ben in age. The boys had a great two days playing together, and the dads each took a day to hang out with the boys while the moms (lucky me!) and the other dad skiied. We were all set to drive home from the mountains on Sunday night, but Kevin suggested that we stay so that he could take Alex skiing today.

I dropped them off at Arapahoe Basin and Alex's last words were, "Skiing is more fun than playing, Mommy!" Those are strong words for a 4 1/2 year old. I could tell that he was so excited to share this time with his dad. They had a great morning skiing together. Alex rode not only the "kids lift" but the "grown up lift" too. They stayed on the green runs, but Kevin even told me that on the steeper parts, "Alex skiied down faster than you do." I'm not sure of that, but I was so happy that they had such a great time skiing TOGETHER. Not a dad dragging his son down the mountain. Not a toddler whining his way through the day. But father and son doing something that they love - together.

Tonight, the fun continued. My little man and my grown-up man went to their first hockey game together. Alex has been excited for weeks to see his first "alive hockey game." The boys love to cuddle on the couch with Kevin while he watches his beloved Redwings take the ice on television.

Tonight, the boys headed out to watch those Redwings take on the Avalanche in person. Alex was beaming - feeling like the big boy who gets to eat hot dogs at the game, stay up late and see the hockey players in real life. They're not home yet, but it appears from the picture above that the real life version was just as great as his expectations.

I've always known that Kevin is an amazing father, but today it was thrilling to witness this friendship that he's building with his boys as well. I can only hope that it will continue for years to come.

Featured On

2010-02-24T23:25:00.000-07:00

Ben's birth story was featured today on DesignMom. Many thanks to Gabrielle for linking to the post. I've met several wonderful people today as a result of the post - including Leigh. I'll be featured next week on Leigh's blog, Marvelous Kiddo, in her birth story series. Check out her blog. It's a beautiful combination of organic-chic.

My Powderhorn post was linked today as a "family-friendly Powderhorn write-up" on Joel's website, Colorado Powder Forecast. Let's hope that snow keeps falling over on the mesa. Happy skiing to all.

Meanwhile, I'm hard at work on my latest endeavor. For a quick peek, check out my new blog at The Handy Hausfrau. It won't be packed full of content for another few days, but feel free to snoop around in the meantime. Be sure to follow me in the Google Friend Connect Sidebar on the new site. Becoming a friend now means you'll never miss a post once the creative projects start coming.

DIY Blog Coming Soon

2010-02-23T13:55:00.000-07:00

With the purchase of the new ski condo, and my commitment to furnishing and decorating on a dime, I've made a decision. A new blog is on the horizon! Stay tuned in the next week for updates on the new blog where I'll post all of my DIY adventures. I'm really excited to get going on my first project. I can't wait to share all of the details.

The Sweet Smell of Love

2010-02-18T13:23:00.000-07:00

Check out these gorgeous flowers that Kevin gave me for Valentine's Day:

He found them tucked away in a flower rack inside the door of Walmart. The rest of the flowers were aesthetically so-so, but he managed to find this gem of a bouquet. It's cold and grey today in Colorado, and these flowers make me think of a warm sunset:

Or a hot day in the desert:

We've had a tough week of very little sleep and the kids fighting croup. I wasn't expecting anything for Valentine's Day. So these beauties, combined with the cheddar, garlic and zinfandel fondue that we made for dinner, warmed me up inside and out.

Powderhorn lived up to its name...

2010-02-18T07:25:00.000-07:00

I was so excited for our weekend trip to Powderhorn, but I honestly didn't know what to expect. We live in Evergreen, so we're used to skiing Summit County resorts - miles of back bowls at Vail, crammed in the free shuttle bus at Breckenridge so that we don't have pay to park, you get the idea. Big! Big mountains, big resorts, big crowds - big everything!

Let me preface all of this by saying that my husband loves to ski. He's made it his goal to ski in every month of the calendar year. He tacks two extra hours onto a business trip so that he can take one run at Alyeska just so he can check Alaska off of his skiing bucket list.

When I told him that we were going to Powderhorn, I wasn't sure how he would react. In all of his hours spent dreaming about skiing, I didn't think that this little resort atop a mesa just outside of Grand Junction had ever floated through his mind. But as the weekend got closer, we both knew how exciting it would be to share another set of ski experiences with our burgeoning skiers, Alex (4 1/2) and Ben (2 1/2).

We drove from Evergreen to Palisade on Friday afternoon. The drive was easy - a total of four hours with potty stops for the kiddos. We've always loved the wineries in Palisade, and knew we'd be cutting it close to get in a couple of tastings, but we arrived ahead of schedule. St. Kathryn Cellars is just off the highway as you drive into town. I'm not usually one for fruit wines - I'll take my wine made with grapes only please - but I have to admit that I'm kicking myself for not buying a bottle of their Confre Cellars Pomegranate Wine. It sure would make a great Pome-tini if it was mixed right. They also had a great selection of good 'ole grape wines, too. And plenty of pretzels to keep the car-weary kiddos happy while we sipped.

Next stop was Plum Creek Winery just down the road. Their tasting room is beautiful and because it was ten minutes before closing, we were the only ones in the place. We got to enjoy a sip of wine and a chat with the winery's owner, Sue Phillips. She even took us on a tour of the art outside crafted by a local artist with junkyard finds. My kids are still talking about "the giant rusty chicken" that we saw.

Photo courtesy of Plum Creek

Sue was kind enough to recommend a spot for dinner in town, but as the sun was setting, we didn't want to miss the views driving up the canyon to Powderhorn.

And we weren't sorry. We spent a lot of time over the weekend talking to Powderhorn employees about working at the resort. Many of them live in Grand Junction and commute the 45 minutes everyday. I can tell you that I would never get tired of the views up that canyon road.

We were all starving by the time we arrived, so we checked in to our condo (more on that later), and scouted out a place for dinner. Powderhorn is a small resort and since it was after 6 p.m., our options were to drive back to Mesa (about 10 miles away) or eat at the Skiers Union Cafe & Bar. We'd made plans to meet our Powderhorn host, Sarah Allen, at the same restaurant for lunch on Saturday, and were a bit concerned that we might be eating the same thing twice. But the minute our waitress set the menus in front of us, our worries disappeared.

The menu has so many choices. I had the Chicken Marsala (very tasty!) and Kevin had the Italian Sausage Pasta dish. However, the happiest diners, by far, were Alex and Ben. Before the waitress even took our drink orders, she arrived at the table with Saltine crackers to curb the "why-is-my-food-taking-so-long" kid hunger, and she'd taken their dinner orders even before they were fully settled in their seats. Needless to say, we were happy parents in the hands of a wait staff who knew that with the slightest bit of extra attention, little people can be great dining companions too. In between bites of his grilled cheese sandwich, Alex leaned over and said, "Look. They even have a fireplace in the restaurant, Mommy." Grilled cheese by the fireplace - I can foresee having to move dinners into the living room at home to compete.

With our tummies full, we walked back to our room at Goldenwood Condominiums. Want to hear my favorite thing about Powderhorn? Everything is within walking distance of everything else. They can't technically bill these condos as ski-in/ski-out because you have to cross a short parking lot, but take a look at this picture:

Photo (c) Colorado Ski History.com with my own added touches of color

Orange=Goldenwood Condos. Green=Inn at Wildewood and Union Jack Cafe. Blue=Take Four Quad Lift. Yellow=Walking bridge to huge outdoor deck and Powderhorn Day Lodge.

Kevin and I flipped a coin to see who got to keep skiing and who would pick the kids up from ski school on Satuday. I lost! But after schlepping two kiddos (one in ski boots), skis, boots, helmet, and exhausted toddler across the very short parking lot, I felt like I was in heaven.

Our condo at Goldenwood was spacious - one bedroom, one bath with a full kitchen. Although the boys share a room at home, this was the first time they would be sharing a bed. I have to admit, I was predicting cries coming from the living room when the two-year old took a foot to face from his incredibly twitchy older brother. But the boys were thrilled with their "couch bed!" (a pull-out couch) and we didn't hear a peep all night.

We toured the Inn at Wildewood the next day (circled in green above), and their rooms are perfect for a family who wants to be on-mountain and doesn't need an in-room kitchen. They also have great ski season deals like rooms at $119/night with two half price lift tickets included in the price:

Photo courtesy of Powderhorn's website

We awoke Saturday morning to at least four inches of fresh powder and there was no sign of the snow stopping. We checked Alex in at the Children's Learning Center for his first whole-day ski lesson. He's had several half-day lessons at Arapahoe Basin and loved the Mini-Mountaineers 3-week program at Echo Mountain, but he'd never spent all day on skis. He was beside himself with excitement. The staff whisked him away behind the counter, stashed his helmet and and gloves in a cubby with his name and assured us that he would have a wonderful day.

Kevin and I skied over to the EZ Rider beginner's area to take a peek. Alex loves to ski, but he's cautious (like his mother). Most kids have a hard time getting their legs into the "pizza" position (snowplowing). My kid has a hard time getting his cautious brain to get his legs OUT of the "pizza" position. There are very few french fries (parallel skis) in Alex's world of skiing. It's all Pizza Hut and no MickyD's with our kiddo.

Because of this, we expected to see him trekking up the magic carpet and slowly skiing down. But, no Alex in sight... We caught a glimpse of a conga-line of four tiny students S-curving their way down a gentle slope behind their teacher. Surely, this would be him. But no Alex in sight... Finally we saw this little person with his SpongeBob helmet come cruising down the Bottom's Up slope side by side with his instructor, Holden. I'm not sure what kind of switch Holden's teaching turned on, but my kid was definitely rocking the french fries!

Little Ben had an adventurous day, too. When you grow up in a family with parents who love to ski, being a two and half year old is hard. You're too young to take lessons, but old enough to understand that you're tired of watching your older brother have all the fun on skis. Powderhorn had arranged for Ben to have a day of fun at their Children's Learning Center. However, not being 3 and not being fully potty-trained, Ben was a little young to meet the official requirements for the Learning Center. Miss Lindi and Miss Camille at the Center were understanding, though, and offered to let him take a lesson like his brother. Ben was up for it and spent an hour with Savannah. I wish I had taken my camera to capture my little boy plodding along in ski boots for the first time and screaming all the way down the tiny run while safely embraced by a hula-hoop that Savannah was holding.

Meanwhile, Kevin and I ventured out to see what Powderhorn had to offer in the way of terrain. The snow was still coming down by the bucketfuls, and this is what the Take Four lift looked like:

This was a Saturday afternoon during prime ski season, and we felt as though we had the place to ourselves. The lines were short and although the lifts weren't fast (10-15 minutes per ride), it gave us a chance to take in the scenery and enjoy the Legend of Sleepy Hollow feel that the glades had with the fog settled into the trees. And the price was just right:

The terrain was fabulous. Although, Powderhorn is small (1600 skiable acres) compared to many places that we've skied, the diversity of terrain more than made up for it. There were long lazy blue runs that seemed to go on for miles, there were runs that took us through trees more tightly placed than I care to remember, and there were boulders! Amazing fields of boulders.

From everything that I've read, we were there on just the right day to enjoy this area - without a lot of snow, many of the these boulder fields are tough to ski. As I followed Kevin (who was following some anonymous teenager) through the trees it opened up to a field filled with these Volkswagen-sized suckers. I immediately decided that this would be the pefect place to eat my lunch on a sunny day of spring skiing. Although given my directionally-challenged ski tendencies, I don't know that I could find my way back to this magical off-trail spot. For those who are curious, I think that we were somewhere in the red circled area:

Regardless of exactly where we were, it was fun trying to piece it together with the staff when we picked the kids up at ski school. Each instructor within earshot chimed in with their own favorite trail or hidden glade somewhere just off trail. And the personalized attention wasn't just for the parents either. Every kid who walked out the doors of the Children's Learning Center received a hand-written report card:

Alex is so proud that he is officially a "Linkin' Lynx" and Ben doesn't quite understand that he's still a little too young. Even after his scream-filled slide down the hill, he was still asking to ski some more.

The rest of our weekend was spent skiing - we loved the West Side lift and the crowd-free terrain that it accessed - and exploring. I pride myself on finding the most kid-friendly ways to negotiate ski resorts, so I peeked around every nook and cranny in search of a kid-friendly plan. Here's how I would do a second trip:

Alex loved his instructors both days at the ski school, and I wouldn't hesitate to enroll him again. The beginners terrain is also gentle enough that with parental guidance on the quad lift (Take Four), an intermediate four-year old could easily enjoy a day of skiing with Mom and Dad. Two-and-a-half was a little young (at least for my kiddo), but that doesn't mean he should be left out of the fun. At the top of the Take Four lift is a flat open space which probably has great views on a sunny day. (My only regret is not getting to see the world-class views that everyone talks about because we were socked in with fog and snow - not that I'm complaining though.) Powderhorn rents cross-country skis and snow shoes and provides inexpensive one-time lift rides up to the top. A toddler could enjoy a morning of trekking through the snow in snowshoes or winter boots and enjoy the ride back down the lift at lunchtime.

Because Powderhorn is laid out well, families could easily meet in the Day Lodge at mid-day to enjoy lunch together or to switch parental duties and put the tired toddler down for at nap at the condo just a stone's throw away. The Day Lodge serves breakfast and lunch in the Sunset Grille and Bar. Hang out at just the right time (later afternoon) and you might snag a free piece of pizza (like Ben and I did) when they're shutting down the food counters. The Day Lodge also has a family-friendly area downstairs. Families on a budget could easily bring their own lunch, camp out at a picnic table and enjoy a day of skiing with the older kids and playing Uno with the little guy(s). At the end of the day, the whole family could reconvene on the slopeside deck to enjoy a snack or to hand off the sleeping toddler who passed out (still chewing on his second grilled cheese sandwich from Union Jack) and still smiling after his first on-mountain adventure!

As a day trip from Grand Junction or surrounding areas, Powderhorn is the perfect place to ski. As a destination resort (for the weekend or a week), Powderhorn is set up perfectly for people who want to enjoy reasonably-priced, winter fun as a family. We'll definitely be back!

Gimme some powder, Powderhorn!

2010-02-04T13:39:00.000-07:00

We're prepped and ready for our trip to Powderhorn this weekend. If the weather and the preschooler cooperate (with getting his coat on and his behind off the playgroun and into the car!) we'll be hitting some wineries in Palisade on Friday afternoon. I'm looking at Carlson Vineyards, Graystone Winery, and Mesa Grande Vineyards if we get over there in time.

Friday dinner we'll check out the Palisade Brewery or the Inari's Palisade Bistro - depending on how well behaved the kiddos feel like being. We're staying at the Goldenwood Condos within throwing distance of the lifts. Saturday is packed with ski lessons for Alex and playtime for Ben and skiing for the parents. This will be a much needed weekend of rejuvenation after long hours of mommy-work and marketing-work over the past few weeks.

To top it all off, they're calling for snow all weekend. Let's hope Mother Nature is on board with the National Weather Service.

I can't wait for tomorow to get here!

Thrifting and DIY Plans

2010-01-26T13:06:00.002-07:00

We just sold our condo that we've owned for four years in the mountains. We're under contract to buy another one nearby with a little more space for our little family and a few more amenities for our visitors. When we bought our first condo, we furnished it with hand-me-down furniture from family and garage sale finds. I was pregnant (and incredibly sick!) so beyond reupholstering a couch, I didn't do much to spiff up the garage sale finds.

My goal with the new place is to completely transform it on a shoestring budget. I'll post before and after photos as I go room by room with the renovations and transformations. Meanwhile, I've been scouring Craigslist, Ebay and local thrift stores for budget finds. Last week I found a round oak table with two chairs that I'm going to make into a game table for the boys. All at the low, low price of $15. The next day, I scored an amazing cherry dining room table with four chairs at the Evergreen Animal Protective League thrift store for $61. It was 20% off all things with legs day, so I got the set for a steal. The wood is in really good shape. I'll need to refinish the top - but it's nothing a good sanding and resealing can't help.

Last night, I found a coffee table and two end tables on Craigslist. Total cost was $25 for all three pieces. Here are the before photos:

The coffee table has a cute design, and I think with a fresh coat of paint (I'm thinking white with black accents) and a new set of hardware, it could be a winner. The end tables are in rougher condition. You can see the water marks and scratches in the wood above. I'm hoping to have great before and after photos of these little guys.

I'd like to transform them from this:

To this:

The wood may be too far gone to restore it completely, but I think I can pop out the lower panel and fashion a shelf. With a couple of finials from the hardware store and a coat of paint (or stain if I'm really lucky), I could have two Pottery Barn knock-offs for a fraction of the cost. I'll let you know how things pan out once I get into the stripping and sanding stage.

Sara Norris Photography Giveaway

2010-01-16T19:20:00.000-07:00

I've recently found a new favorite blog called "Centsational Girl." This woman is a whiz at discovering thrifted treasures and redoing them with a little elbow grease to make a beautiful home.

She's having a giveaway on her site to win a $50 gift certificate to Sara Norris' Etsy.com store. Sara Norris is a photographer in New Mexico who takes beautiful photographs. I love this one called "Off the Beaten Path."

It reminds me of a path I used to walk through the park in Saint-Germaine-en-Laye, outside of Paris, to get to school every morning. Check out Sara's work at her Etsy shop here. She has a great eye for all things beautiful and creates images that will transport you to another time.

Busy, busy, holiday busy...

2010-01-06T20:36:00.000-07:00

I'm been remiss in blogging for, oh, about a month. Life got the best of me with holiday happenings. Lots of shopping, cooking, entertaining, skiing, wrapping, laughing and good times shared. I'd say the blogging break was worth it just to spend the time with family and friends.

Now it's back to real life. I have a lot of things on the docket for 2010. Not resolutions, just a lot going on personally and professionally. Here's the latest run-down:

I was selected to be a guest blogger for the new Colorado Ski Mamas tour being sponsored by Colorado Ski Country.

I'll be heading out to Powderhorn Ski Resort in late January or early February to enjoy a fun ski weekend with the family. This opportunity is perfect for me because I love discovering little tips that make mothering easier - particularly when it comes to mothering on the ski slopes. I'll be blogging and tweeting about the exeperience. Stay tuned for an update on the all of the fun adventures in Mesa/Grand Junction, Colorado.

I just finished a revision on my brother's blog template. Check it out here. I love the slideshow header with rotating images. Trying to come up with a way to incorporate this into my own blog design. I'm itching for an excuse to redesign my template anyway, so perhaps this technique will be the starting point.

I'm editing a book for an amazingly talented colleague of mine, Mike Strunk. He is a photographer and writer who is finishing up his second coffee-table photography book. His photographs are stunning. I proudly display his first book, Potraits of Preservation, on my own coffee table. And I can't wait for Butch Cassidy and Outlaw Trail to be complete in the next few months. You can check out all of Mike's work, including photos and excerpts from both books, here.

After an extremely productive November thanks to NaNoWriMo, I cranked out half of my novel, Sliver of Souls (working title - still not sure what it's going to be called.) I had every intention of finishing it in December, but then life at the holidays happened. So, January is the month that I'm back on track to crank out another half. I can't wait to see what Maggie and her cohorts do next.

Just picked up a new story assignment for Purina about rescue dogs and their owners who are involved in agility competitions. I love writing these stories for Purina's publications, and I get to meet some amazing people in the process. True animal lovers are some of the most passionate and caring people in the world.

I've been in the midst of assisting with the planning of my husband's 20th high school reunion. I just finished a very down-and-dirty web design for their class to track RSVPs, etc. You can check it out here.

Lots of other professional activities - a strategic planning session this month, two more website redesigns and a new travel brochure layout for a local travel organization. The year is starting off to be a busy one, and I'm focusing on taking it one day at a time. Tomorrow is the beginning of Alex's Mini-Moutaineer program at Echo Mountain ski school. Shoud be a great day for all those little skiers.

NaNoWriMo 2009 Winner

2009-12-02T08:26:00.000-07:00

I did it. I clocked it on November 29 with 50,167 words. And it felt good but a little anti-climactic. I'm definitely proud of myself. I've never had the dedication to slog through 50,000 words in one sitting - or 26 sittings, as the case may be. But the book is only halfway finished, so if I keep up with my word count, the true celebration will be on December 31, 2009 with a completed first draft.

NaNoWriMo was an amazing experience and one that I'm sure I will repeat year after year now that I've discovered its benefits. Things that I've learned:

1) I do have the discipline to write at least 1,667 words a day - every day. As I mentioned in a previous post, I tend to build up steam and take off on projects full speed ahead. Then on day four or five, I lose momentum and end up abadoning the project. Not so in this case. In fact, even when I skipped a day (or two when we had friends in town on the second to last weekend), I still had the willpower to face the keyboard the next day.

2) I can make the time in my day to crank out 1,667 words. In fact, using Write or Die, I managed to crank out an average of 1,800 words a day in 45 minutes. I used the online program and set the settings to Normal Mode with a Strict Grace Period. I did three word sprints each night at 600 word for 15 minutes each. At the end of each 15 minute sprint I pasted my words into my Word document, saved, took a breath and reset Dr. Wicked for the next sprint.

3) These were not quality words, but they moved the story along. And in the midst of the ramblings that will surely be cut in the second draft, some gems appeared. Whether it was a secondary storyline or a small scene that really worked.

4) Dialogue is my comfort zone. If I'm taking all the time in the world to write, I can create some good descriptve passages, but when I'm sprinting through wordcount, dialogue is a natural place for me to settle. My dialogue scenes help me work out character development. How a person talks tells me a lot about their personality. With each of the characters I've created - even the minor ones - I can hear a distinct voice. The conversations also help me reveal backstory and move a scene along. When I go back to edit, the dialogue passages will need to be significantly tighter, but for now it's a good tool to move the plot along.

5) The biggest obstacle for me is fear. Every time I sat down at the keyboard, I had to recognize that I was scared. Scared that I was wasting time on a pile of dreck, scared that was creating a document that would prove to the world that I'm incapable of writing fiction, scared that I was jumping into a great abyss not knowing where the story was going or how I would find my way out. I had to acknowledge this fear and type in spite of it. And believe me, that's not an easy thing to do.

6) But at the end of every night's session, I was energized. I typed through the fear and somehow emerged at the other end. Things happened in the scenes that I could never have predicted, a character took on a personality that I hadn't imagined. Standing on the other side of fear is much better than being too scared to give something a try. I may not always feel talented or creative at the end of a writing session, but at least I feel brave. And when it comes to greater life lessons, brave means a lot more to me than creative.

7) Although I didn't have very much interaction in the NaNoWriMo forums, something about knowing that other people were slogging along with me was spirit-boosting. When I sat down last night to crank out my first set of words for SaNoWriMo (Sara's Novel Writing Month - i.e, December), I suddenly felt very alone. Sure there were a lot of writers out there still writing, but the cameraderie was gone. It took every ounce of my new-found writer's bravery to continue putting words on the page. But, I did it!

NaNoWriMo came to a triumphant, albeit quiet, close. And SaNoWriMo began with a new found tenacity and bravery that I didn't know I had.

NaNoWriMo :: Day 18

2009-11-18T21:26:00.000-07:00

Word Count: 30,684
Morale: Off the charts

What a great writing night. Everything just flowed. Some nights I worry so much about the structure of it all. Worried that people are talking too much, worried that flashbacks are cliche, worried that this whole effort is nothing but a playful whim that won't be fit for human eyes at the end of it all.

Tonight, there was no worrying - just amazing writing. I learned lots of new things that I didn't plan for. For example, Maggie's grandfather died of cirrhosis due to his alcoholism. He was an alcoholic? Didn't know that until tonight when I was writing. And in Maggie's recollection of him from her childhood, I wrote what is possibly my favorite scene so far. All of the writing advice out there talks about "show, don't tell." That statement is always drumming in the back of my head while I'm writing (along with Fall Out Boy and Single File drumming in my head while I'm writing, too). This seen tonight was the epitome of "show, don't tell" and I didn't even have to think about it while I was typing.

Maggie and her sister are now on a quest for a hidden pond on the family farm, and Maggie's had some huge discoveries about these voices that she's been hearing. I could keep writing all night, but I'm afraid if I go too far tonight, it will be like pulling teeth to get the words out tomorrow. I'd prefer to stop while I'm in the groove and go watch "Glee."

Happy writing to all. As I said before, the good golf shots are the ones that keep you coming back. This shot tonight was a hole in one. I'll definitely be coming back to the NaNo game tomorrow.

NaNoWriMo :: Novel Writing Dictation Style (Jott and Evernote)

2009-11-18T10:58:00.000-07:00

I think I've discovered the key to allow car commuters extra writing time each day. Sure we've all heard of the pocket tape recorder, but how often does that tape recorder transcribe all of your notes for you? Yes, there are digital transcription kits you can buy. And, I'm guessing if I owned a Mac, there is probably "an app" for dictation. But this combination that I've come up with seems to work for me. Now the trick is to keep the kiddos quiet enough when I'm driving the soccer-mom mobile around all day so that my dictations aren't filled with, "He's hitting me." and "He took my juice."

First, download Evernote for your desktop. If you haven't tried Evernote yet, you should. In this program, you can create "notebooks" to hold digital notes, pdf files, and more. When you're surfing the web, you can highlight particularly intersting passages. Press the little green elephant in your browser bar, and the text from the webpage along with a link is automatically sent to Evernote for storage. Receive a great e-mail that you want to save? Forward it to Evernote and it will be filed. You can snap photos and send them to Evernote. Personally, it's been the perfect tool for me in researching my novel - and Christmas gifts to give this year - and keeping everything organized.

You can tag all of your "notes" with keywords so that if you remember a recipe you saved for Crab Bisque but have no idea where you filed it (hopefully in your "recipes" notebook), you can search by keyword "bisque" and it will pull up any tagged messages.

Here's where this gets even more useful. I just signed up for Jott. They have a week-long free trial and then the most basic service is $3.95/month. With this $3.95, you get unlimited 15-second voice-to-text conversions. These dictations are transcribed by Jott and can be sent to your Jott notes. You can also send text messages to friends, reply to e-mails while driving, dictate appointments to your Google Calendar, update your blog, update your Facebook status, sends tweets - all just by calling the Jott phone number and speaking into your phone. You can also take this one step further and download the free Jott app for your iPhone. Then you don't even have to call Jott. You just dictate into your Jott app and tell it where you'd like the jott to go.

I set up the Evernote e-mail address as a contact in Jott. You can also e-mail notes directly to Evernote for filing. I can dictate an e-mail to Jott and it will automatically be placed in my designated Evernote notebook.

I just dictated this message "Now, I'm trying this with Evernote to see if this will work. I'm telling a story about a small boy and his dog who were walking down the road one day. The sun was shinning brightly, and everyone was happy. And, my son is on the floor watching me. " Five minutes later, it appeared in my Evernote files as a digital file. You'll see that "shining" is misspelled, but aside from that, it worked perfectly.

I can speak roughly 50 words in 15 seconds. I was speaking at a normal pace so that the Jott technology wouldn't get confused. If you purchase the Pro-edition of Jott you get unlimited 30 second dictations. So, for a commuter, it would only take 17 dictations to meet their daily NaNoWriMo quota. Get home, open up your Evernote, copy and paste your text into a new document, clean up the punctuation and/or spelling errors if there are any, and you're done writing for the day.

Brilliant!

*Just a note, I don't know anyone at Evernote or Jott - and they don't give me money, free services, or even candy. I just like the way their stuff works!

I just discovered Jott.com....

2009-11-17T17:36:00.001-07:00

I just discovered Jott.com. I'm trying this out with my blog to see if I can post directly from my iPhone.
listen

Powered by Jott

NaNoWriMo :: Day 16

2009-11-17T08:31:00.001-07:00

Day 16 Wordcount: 27,252
Day 16 Morale: Good

The story is chugging along nicely. We had a clever flirting scene last night with my new love interest. So happy that he's in the picture. He's funny and hot, too. Can't wait for he and Maggie to see each other again.

We're getting to the point where Maggie is going to make a lot of discoveries very quickly. I'm anxious to see how all of this plays out. I've been reading the NaNoWriMo feed on Twitter, and it seems like others are writing about zombies or elves or magical kingdoms in which loads of things are happening. Bombs, arrows, battles, deathcount, etc. I'm starting to wonder if there are enough things happening in my book.

If I were to diagram the scenes thus far, you would see that Maggie and her cohorts spend A LOT of time talking to each other. Dialogue must be my story spine - the way in which the story plays out the first time around. Sort of a question/answer session that reveals deeper motivations and character elements. But, I'm questioning whether they talk too much.

The book is certainly peppered with description and exposition, but these aren't nearly as rich as the dialogue. And things are happeneing. They just seem to happen a lot more slowly than I'd like right now. Kevin keeps saying to me, "Isn't that up to you. You're the one writing it. Aren't you the one in charge?" Good questions, all. And yes, I am in charge, to a point. But, these characters have kinks of their own that they need to work out right now. When I try to wrap up a scene that I feel like might be dragging, I oftentimes feel like I'm interrupting these people.

But they do have a lot to say that is guiding the story right now. So, I'm just biting my lip and listening very carefully.

NaNoWriMo :: Day 10 (The Day of Dialogue)

2009-11-11T08:14:00.000-07:00

Day 10 Wordcount : 17,055

Day 10 Morale: High

I'm still on track to meet my 50,000 word count by the end of the month. The first week, I built up a word cushion, but was forced to take two days off over the weekend. Friday night we had a friend over for dinner. I spent all day running around after the kids, cleaning and picking up toys. And we spent all evening eating an amazing meal and getting caught up with an old friend. Since I've proven to myself - through my repeatedly failed efforts to get up at 5 a.m. - that I am not a morning person, if I don't write at night, I don't write.

Then Monday night, I got caught up in website design for Kevin's high school reunion. Let's be honest, had I wanted to write, I could have put aside the html and thrown myself into it, but I didn't.

Here's the great thing! I'm one of those people who starts things full steam ahead - workout programs, diets, soundtrack contests. Typically about a week into these things, if I have one stumble - one missed workout, one piece of chocolate cake thrown into the diet mix, etc., the enthusiasm goes right out the window. I was worried after my two days off that this might be the case with NaNoWriMo. But, surprisingly, it wasn't.

I sat down to write last night and I was frustrated. My characters have been trapped in this incredibly long conversation on the front porch of their house. There's a lot of pacing and talking, but very little else. As I've been writing the words, my inner editor and my inner instant gratification junkie have been screaming at them to finish up already. I didn't want to finish the scene, I didn't want to hear them drone on about their past problems, I just wanted them to get on with it. If I'm honest about it, on Monday I avoided writing because I couldn't figure out how to move them along and get on with the story.

Last night, after a great Mexican dinner, I took charge again. I wrapped up the scene - albeit, abruptly - and got my characters headed on their merry way. And this was just the change that I needed. Maggie returned to school and met up with her college roommate. And I love the roommate. She's funny and brash and has just the kind of energy that keeps a scene moving. I whipped off 2,000 words in 45 minutes without even thinking about it.

After thinking about it this morning, I've discovered the difference. Maggie doesn't have a long backstory with her roommate. They've only known each other for six weeks, so they are writing the story together as they go. They have adventures, they make discoveries without thinking about it. When she's with her family, there is all of this history and layers and loves gained and loves lost, blah, blah, blah. I need to figure out how to wade through that (and deliver the right amount of information to the reader) without it becoming a wordy mess.

I'm wondering if maybe the roommate is going to play a greater role in all of this than I originally thought. She and Maggie are fun together, and I like writing them.

NaNoWriMo :: Scene Soundtrack Contest (Part 2)

2009-11-06T08:02:00.001-07:00

Tonight's scene is at a completely different locale. We've gotten Maggie out of small town, USA and she's returning to college in the big city. Her roommate convinces her to go out to a club. I'll admit, it's been years since my years of hanging at at "Motor" in Detroit.

I need updated songs for inspiration. I'm been hanging out a lot in the emo world as far as my recent musical tastes, so I'm at a loss for a good, bass pounding club song to inspire the writing of this scene.

Any suggestions? You can still enter the Part 1 of this week's contest here.

Rules are the same. Submit a band or song that could inspire a Pandora radio station. You can leave a comment on the blog, send me a tweet at @samill1 or send me a message on the NaNo forums (I'm Colorado Columnist). I'll compile the entries. All entries must be in by midnight on Saturday. I'll announce this week's winner on Monday, and send you a compilation CD inspired by the song that you suggested next week.

NaNoWriMo :: Day 5 Characterization

2009-11-06T07:53:00.000-07:00

Day 5 Wordcount: 1,802 (total word count is at 11,479 - I broke 10K - woo, hoo)

Day 5 Morale: Excited - plowed through two different scenes in an hour and finally got Maggie out of the small town hospital!

Day 5 Song of the Day: Shooting Up in Vain from the "Go" Soundtrack

I introduced the antagonist tonight. Once this chunk 'o words goes through a major first revision, I'm guessing that the antagonist will enter stage left a lot earlier. But for now, he's arrived. I still don't have my finger on this guy. My other characters - Maggie, her friends, the ex-boyfriend, her sister, even the upcoming love interest (can't wait for him to enter the picture - he's so interesting!!) - I feel like I already know. But this antagonist, I'm not so sure about yet. I think it's because when I lay awake during October planning this book, Mr. Antagonist was Mr. Minor Character. The story was more of a Man vs. Nature, Man vs. Himself type-thing. And then I realized - that was boring me.

The next day, while creating some timelines, I realized that Mr. Minor Character was the perfect antagonist. He was in the right place at the right time, and he has strong motive for foiling Maggie's plans. No, he's not a superhero villain (don't know why the word "foiling" just came out of my fingers - must be all this NaNoWriMo stream-of-consciousness), but he's the perfect antagonist.

However, there are still some cloudy areas in his backstory. I think I'll spend a little time this weekend in Mr. Antagonist's world to find out what makes him tick. Tune in to the next post for Part 2 of the soundtrack contest.

NaNoWriMo :: The Muse is a Frazzled Hausfrau

2009-11-05T08:20:00.000-07:00

Day 4 Wordcount: 1,877 which brings my total to 9,677

Day 4 Song of the Day: I spent a lot of the afternoon listening to the Pandora stations created via yesterday's soundtrack contest. Many thanks to punkgrrlshim, Phoenix_Maat and Aikanaro (via blogger); shannonwritesright and procrastella (via NaNo forums); and @kazoochica and @niassa (via Twitter) for the great suggestions.

The funny thing, is that after all that listening, I didn't listen to any music while I was writing last night. And that was a bad idea. Lesson #864 learned from NaNoWriMo, I'm a much better fiction writer when my headphones are in and the iPod is cranked up. I can lose myself in a scene much more easily when I'm not hearing the neighbors drive by, the dog barking at a fox outside or Alex kicking the rail on his bed in the next room.

Please be assured that I'll be actively listening to all of your suggestions from now on, because writing without music seems to leave my creative well a bit parched.

Which brings me to the point of today's post. The creative well and how it works with fiction.

By profession, I'm a non-fiction writer. I write reviews of the performing and visual arts, I write scientific articles, I write brochure and website copy. And you know what, I'm a very creative and sensuous non-fiction writer. No, not "sensual" - there's not too much hot and bothered about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in Doberman Pinschers. Sensuous: taking delight in beauty; of, relating to, or derived from the senses. I've always been that way.

I experience the world very deeply with my five senses. I see subtlety in colors that others can't quite detect. I notice the textures that others don't take the time to experience. My brother can tell you a great story about how I rubbed Sara Lee pound cake on my cheeks when I was young because I loved that cool, smooth top that it has. And don't even get me started on the crisp edge of a freshly washed pillow case or the gag reflex induced by things that dollop. And most importantly, as a writer, I've always been able to concoct a great phrase to capture the quirkiness or subtleties of these sensuous experiences that bring our world, and consequently, our writing alive.

But, my muse is a bit frazzled and can't seem to get out of her bathrobe with NaNoWriMo and the unsurety of fiction writing facing her. There are times that I feel like I'm trying to dig a hole in the sand. I'm chipping away at layer after layer (plot, character, dialogue, imagery, tone, etc.) Every time I make some headway, the sand slides right back down the sides.

For now, my brain is focused on plot and what happens next. This is new to me, because in non-fiction, it is what it is. The dog is born, the dog has a faulty heart valve, the scientists find a causative gene, the end! But, there's no roadmap in fiction. It's up to me to decide what happens next, and I'm having an incredibly fun adventure discovering these things.

However, the things that are happening aren't pretty or moving or subtly grating so as to make your skin crawl - they're just happening. For example, last night the ceiling was "yellow and cracked" in Maggie's hospital room. How cliche is that? Some great stuff happened in that hospital room, and some pivotal conversations took place. But they took place in a "yellow, cracked room" with a "creaky bed" that smelled like "Comet and old ladies perfume." Pretty sad, huh? Description for me, right now, is nothing more than a cliche adjective dump. Imagery, and the quiet nudges that make our world so much more intriguing, escape me when I'm writing this first draft.

This has been a hard pill to swallow - but also a huge lesson learned. You sometimes have to sacrifice quality to let the story tell itself. Then you can go back and wrap it in the transparent, papery layers that let out the savoriness one peel at a time.

NaNoWriMo :: Scene Soundtrack Contest

2009-11-04T08:48:00.002-07:00

I'm stuck...not with the book. But with the music that I listen to while I write. This is isn't entirely true, we own so much music, it's a little ridiculous actually. I'm not stuck, just uninspired by the music that I have at my fingertips.

So, we're starting a new daily contest at Lunacy. Find me a song to inspire a Pandora radio station. I will give you a run down of the scene that I'm writing, you reply in the comments with any song ideas you might have that fit. The lyrics don't have to fit, but if they do, that's great too. Don't spend a ton of time analyzing the challenge. Sometimes the best musical inspiration is just a feeling that you have.

Kevin and I play this game quite a bit. He often wakes up with certain songs stuck in his head or will start whistling a tune for an unknown reason. It usually takes a few minutes to figure out what inspired the synapses of his incredibly deep brain to shoot that song into his conscious mind. But, it's always fun to figure out why.

So, back to our task. Day 4: Writing a scene in a small town hospital, characters include a drunk, jilted teenage boy; a shifty shrink and a protagonist who think she might be going crazy.

Send your thoughts my way in the comments section. You can also send me a tweet is it's easier. You can find me here http://www.twitter.com/samill1 I'll let you know if your song inspires a great new station. Gotta love Pandora!

P.S. I'll choose a winner every Saturday during NaNoWriMo. The person whose song inspired the best Pandora station for me will get a "mix-tape" CD sent to them - created and paid for by me! A great way to discover some new music. An even better way to get back to our glory days of the "mix tape." If you're too young to know about "mix tapes" they were the classic courting method or break-up healing technique used back in my high school dating days.

NaNoWriMo :: Day 3 (Another a-ha moment!)

2009-11-03T21:48:00.001-07:00

Day 2 Wordcount: 4,190 (That puts my total at 7,800)

Day 2 Theme Song: Appreciation and the Bomb by The Spill Canvas

Nothing fancy about the song lyrics tonight. In fact, when I googled the lyrics, they seemed like a veiled attempt at a cliche song about suicide. Tonight's scene definitely had nothing to do with that. The tune just happened to pop up on the Genius playlist that my iPhone created at the exact moment that I was writing the face-to-face break up between Maggie (MC) and Marcus (already her ex-boyfriend, but he wouldn't take no for an answer over the phone. He forces her to do it in person while they are at the festival.) The song had the perfect sad strains of guitar that fit with the scene.

Morale is good today. I had a huge jump in word count because I rewrote the Prologue (hate to call it a "prologue" because I know those are fairly taboo in publishing right now. But that's pretty much what it is.), and I got the opening scene betwee Maggie and her grandmother nailed down.

The final scene of tonight was tough. I'd been looking forward to writing it. It's the climax to Chapter 1 and tied together a lot of the elements that have been put into play over the last 5,500 words. It was really hard to write, though. Even though I've been running it over and over in my head for a week, I couldn't seem to get just the right words and intensity for what I needed. I mentally highlighted this section as one that will need to be COMPLETELY reworked in the next draft.

But, once again, I made some big discoveries. In the midst of my excitement, I had also been terrified to write the final scene because I couldn't figure out exactly how to make it work so that it would tie in to some discoveries that Maggie will make in subsequent chapters. But, once again, it just came to me while I was writing. I breathed a sigh of relief, shook my head in amazement at this muse of mine who likes to hide until the very last minute that I need her and dove back into writing so as not to lose the creative flow.

More to come tomorrow. I'm excited to start the next section. I'll be getting them out of the festival and on to the next locale.

NaNoWriMo :: Day 2 (Why Do I Think This is Crap?)

2009-11-02T21:00:00.000-07:00

Day 2 Wordcount: 1,829 (That puts my total at 3,610)

Day 2 Theme Song: September Skyline by Single File
"Let's drive tonight and race the autumn skyline. And should I fall tonight, we'll know just what it takes to feel alive..."

The book opens with MC and her friends driving through the cornfields of her podunk farm town. It's October, and they're heading to the town's Pumpkin Festival. And the pivotal scene that I wrote tonight involves a fall - both literal and figurative. Go figure. I'm definitely reading way too much into this because I don't actually listen to any of the lyrics while I'm writing, but something must be seeping in because the comparative literature major in me is finding all sorts of meaningful, albeit slightly contrived, connections with these songs.

Day 2 Morale: Comme ci, comme ca... I'm having no trouble whipping off the words. Took me just over an hour to get those 1,800 down on the page, but I feel scattered. There is a ton of backstory with these characters that needs to be explained, but I feel like I'm having a verbal diarrhea dump - trying to get it all out RIGHT NOW. I don't think I've mastered the skill of weaving in bits and pieces of the backstory.

HOWEVER, and this is a big however, (Thus the capital letters!)

I made some HUGE discoveries today. Once again I had a plan for where the characters needed to end up in today's work. Plan was terribly thwarted and I didn't reach the destination, because things just started jumping out of my brain. In the midst of this steaming pile of verbosity, I created some new connections and some major plot points.

When I say major, I mean that at one point, my eyes actually teared up and I got shivers realizing that the words I had just written were going to be yet another connection that is vital to this story of lost souls. Once again, that's what will keep me coming back. I'm already anticipating a whole bunch dribble is going to get cut in the first edit, but I'm also convinced that I need to work my way through my own wordiness to find these discoveries that are trapped in my subconscious.

Crazy how this writing thing works! Now I understand why it's so addictive. It's like guilty playtime. I've never had a hobby that makes me feel guilty for having this much fun. And now I do.

NaNoWriMo :: Desktop Background #2 (Steampunk Style)

2009-11-02T14:10:00.000-07:00

Feeling a little bit steampunk-y today. I decided to create another desktop calendar for all those 50K writers out there.

Once again, it is set to 1280x800 to accommodate my laptop dimensions. It has just enough room to the left of the calendar that I can still have three rows of icons that don't block the calendar.

Feel free to download for your use if you like it. Click on the image below to open it larger in a new window. Then right click on the image and select "Save as Background".

If you're wanting something a little more girly and pink, you can check out my first desktop calendar here.

NaNoWriMo :: Day 1 Complete

2009-11-01T13:06:00.000-07:00

Day 1 of NaNoWriMo is complete. I finished up at 1,781 words, and I could have written more had three little boys under the age of four not been needing my undivided attention.

Things I discovered while writing on Day 1:

I wrote 1,781 in about an hour. My weekly newspaper columns usually take a couple of hours, and a scientific article clocking in at 1,800 words can take anywhere from five hours to a couple of days as far as first draft goes. I've discovered that I am usually not a drafter. I write it once, make major edits as I go and make minor (grammar and punctuation) edits once I'm finished. And obviously, it works for me because that's how I earn my living. This whole idea of drafting for fiction is a foreign concept to me. BUT...
I like what happens when I throw caution to the wind, set a timer and just write. Things pop out of my head that I didn't know were in there. I'm usually a very calculated writer, agonizing over each sentence before it goes down on the page.
Proper noun-type things (street names, character names) are a lot less stressful when you just put down the first thing that comes to mind and go back to fix it later. This is how the Clomp Stompers came to life today. They are the greasy, washed-up (actually never got off the ground) punk band who appeared in the parade that takes place in Scene 2, Chapter 1 of Five Souls today. I love the lead singer, and he just made his way onto the page immediately after the band name spit itself out of my subconscious. I'm sure the Clomp Stompers will get cut in the early rounds of edits for one reason or another, but for now it's fun to have these guys around. The Elvis pumpkin above is another one of those fun discoveries that create themselves. The words were on the page before I even knew if anyone had ever created an Elvis pumpkin. Guess what, they have? I googled for "Elvis Pumpkin" after I finished writing and found this beauty.
I usually have a song of the day whenever I'm writing fiction. Although I put together a playlist for the first three chapters (you can take a look at it here), one song typically aligns itself with the scene. Today's song was "Chuck" by Sum 41. Not sure what it was, but the angsty guitar, and the line "Some say we're better off without/Knowing what life is all about..." resonated with the emotional space that Maggie (my MC) is in right now. I wrote a scene on the front lawn of City Hall, when everything is going to crap with her group of high school friends. She's moved on and they're still living the same patterns that they always have. It just fit.
I love writing teenage dialogue. I never knew that I was good at getting into the heads of snarky teenage girls. I'm not sure what this says about me, because I was the farthest thing from snarky as a teenager. Maybe it's my inner mean girl that been trapped all these years trying to get out. Maybe it's like writing that inner dialogue that I spent many years thinking but would never have said out loud because I was a nice girl. Regardless, it's fun to be a "Mean Girl" - at least on paper.
In spite of all of these positives, I'm still fighting myself on this book. I love my ideas. I love the direction that I've planned for the story, but everything that I put down just feels trite and cliche to me. I know it's my Inner Editor (IE) who is just pissed off because I usually let her run the show. But everytime I questioned myself today, I just cranked up the music, looked at the timer and kept typing. A few little nuggets of good sprinkled themselves throughout the horrid. It's those little gems that will keep me going. It's like what keeps people golfing - not the game itself, but the few good shots that make you want to keep coming back for more. So I've heard anyway!

Happy writing, everyone!

NaNoWriMo Countdown in Single Digits

2009-10-26T12:08:00.002-06:00

The countdown to NaNoWriMo has entered single digits. In 5 days, 13 hours, 6 minutes and 53 seconds, the starting gun will go off for NaNoWriMo 2009 (and I will officially turn 35). I'm guessing that when it starts, I'll be peacefully sleeping in my bed dreaming of my next 35 years of life. After surviving 34 years and three Halloween trick-or-treat outings with my kiddos, I'll be worn out and crashing from a sugar buzz.

However, I fully intend to leap out of bed on the morning of my birthday, November 1, and sit down at my computer without passing "GO." My NNWM plan is in place:

1. I will write 1,700 words a day. I've outlined the book and have determined that it should be 90,000-100,000 words when completed. I'll need a lot more than just November to finish it, but I don't want to set my daily word counts too high and end up quitting before I've started.

2. I've prepped several writing playlists that fit with scenes from the first three chapters of my book. Here's a sample:

Staplegunned (Remix) by The Spill Canvas = 3:11
Dismantle.Repair (Acoustic) by Anberlin = 4:34
Cross the Line by Ruth = 3:40
Tiffany Blews by Fall Out Boy = 3:45
Idlewild Blue (Don’t Chu Worry ‘Bout Me) by Outkast = 3:24
That Day by Poe = 2:41
T.V. Family by The Rocket Summer = 4:13
Swandive by Ani DiFranco = 6:30
My Junk from the "Spring Awakening" Broadway recording = 2:28
September Skyline by Single File = 3:15
As Lovers Go (Ron Fair Remix) by Dashboard Confessional = 3:29
Shooting Up in Vain (T-Ray Remix) by Eagle Eye Cherry = 4:51
Some Say by Sum 41 = 3:26
Typical by Tickle Me Pink = 3:15

Do you have any guesses about the book from looking at the playlist above?

This playlist is just over 53 minutes long. My goal is to start with three 15-minute power writing sessions (write your brains out without stopping until the timer goes off). This gets all of the gut-feelings and impressions about a scene's conversations, description, etc., out before I have time to listen to my internal editor and nix anything. I'll have a little bit of music left between sessions so that I don't get distracted and waste time searching for interesting tunes on the iPhone (and then check e-mail and twitter and facebook -- you know the drill).

Not to worry, I'm not fooling myself into thinking that I can whip out 1,700 in 45 minutes. Although, at 38 words a minute, it's certainly possible. But I've set aside two hours a night (after my kiddos go to bed) to get the work done. I'm not a morning person - always try getting up at 5:30 a.m. to write my articles, but the warm covers and snooze button are too welcoming. And I need at least an hour to decompress before trying to sleep. Otherwise, I have characters and plot ideas running through my head and I spend at least an hour tossing and turning and keeping my husband awake!

3. I have 48 scene cards written. All of my major plot points, pinch points and mid point are figured out. Still not sure how this sucker is going to end, but there has to be something left to chance, right? To be honest, I know the very end of this book and how it segueways into the beginning of the next book. I just haven't figured out how I'm going to wrap up several of the plot points that are specific to this book.

4. This week I'll be spending some time experimenting with the Snowflake Method. I've never used this before, but it looks interesting and as though it might spur some new ideas for me during the brainstorming.

5. I spent some time last night playing around with the free download from Liquid Story Binder XE. I haven't decided whether it is right for me or not. I tend to get bogged down in "playing" with the features of programs like this, and I end up spending more time uploading photos or formatting mindmaps than actually writing. The program definitely isn't intuitive when you first open it, but I enjoyed this excellent tutorial posted at Not Enough Words.

* * * *
You might recall in a post from October 7, the list that I made for all work that I needed to finish before November 1. Keep in mind that for a full-time working person, this list isn't that long. But for a girl whose full-time job is supposed to be taking care of her kids, this work-at-home mom things has ballooned of late. Let's revisit that for a minute and take a look at the progress.

5 interviews for columns (4 of the 5 completed)
4 weekly columns (3 of the 4 completed)
2 web design completions (1 out for edits; 1 in the works today)
2 conference calls (Finished)
1 blog template redesign (Finished)
1 business card design process (on hold until December)
1 business papers design (letterhead, b-cards, etc.) (in the works today)
1 board meeting (Finished with one more scheduled for this Thursday)
1 newsletter design (Finished - files to the printer today!)
1 newsletter edit/design (Finished - files to the printer yesterday!)
1 scientific article with 4 interviews (Finished - submitted this morning)
1 PowerPoint template design (Finished - waiting for full script to be crafted, but formatting shouldn't take long)

The end of the tunnel is in sight, and NaNoWriMo is looming. What are you doing this week to prepare?

NaNoWriMo :: Desktop Background Calendar

2009-10-08T07:43:00.002-06:00

Many of you know that I signed up for the National Novel Writing Month a few days ago. While reading the forums over at NaNoWriMo headquarters, I discovered a great idea to stay motivated and keep track of word count. Writers create desktop backgrounds for their computers. This way, every time they boot up the ole' word processor, they'll be reminded of the goal for the month. I say "word processor" because I'm discovering that most writers (most people, for that matter) have the same problems that I do. Having the internet enabled while writing leads to lots of "research" and very little writing. Case in point, my hour spent over at NaNoWriMo reading instead of getting the work finished that needs to be completed in order for me to take on this monstrous writing task. At least I know I'm not alone.

Here's a link to the desktop calendar that I designed. It is set to 1280x800 to accommodate my laptop dimensions. It has just enough room to the left of the calendar that I can still have three rows of icons that don't block the calendar.

Feel free to download for your use if you like it. Click on the image below to open it larger in a new window. Then right click on the image and select "Save as Background".

By the way, I'm not sure what's up with the pink. I've never been a pink kind of gal, but recently it seems that I've been tapping into my inner (and heavily-buried) girly-girl. New blog design - pink. Desktop calendar - pink. Next thing you know, I'll be buying pink to wear, and I've agreed to write a novel in a month. What is happening to the world?

NaNoWriMo Countdown Begins

2009-10-07T09:02:00.002-06:00

25 days to NaNoWriMo.

Work by the numbers between today and November 1:

5 interviews for columns
4 weekly columns
2 web design completions
2 conference calls
1 blog template redesign
1 business card design process
1 business papers design (letterhead, b-cards, etc.)
1 board meeting
1 newsletter design
1 newsletter edit/design
1 scientific article with 4 interviews
1 PowerPoint template design

Think that's it! Not even going to make a list of all of the personal things I need to accomplish - since that's supposed to be my full-time job. Stay-at-home mom has a whole new definition in the 21st century!

NaNoWriMo :: Taking the Plunge

2009-10-06T20:01:00.000-06:00

I'm diving in with both feet. I've had several novel ideas (and ideas for novels) swarming around in my head for quite some time. It's always easy to find other things to do, though. Work, internet, mothering, television...not necessarily in that order.

I figure that I'm giving myself one month to put my nose to the grindstone and crank one of these suckers out. The sucker might, in fact, suck. It probably will. But at least it will be words on a page and a starting point for something better. Mostly, it will get these persistent stories out of my brain. I'm tired of lying awake at night because the characters are creeping around in my head.

Wish me luck and make sure you hold me to task. 50,000 words by November 30th. Signing up today gives me just over a month to finish up some freelance articles and get my outlines in order. November 1st is the start date. Please check up on me to make sure I don't wimp out.

Fiddlehead Mittens & Veggies:: Life is Good

2009-10-06T17:34:00.000-06:00

Two things going on my world - in addition to the everyday standards: work, mothering, cleaning, etc. Mittens and veggies.

A few weeks ago, I blogged about these Fiddlehead mittens. I finished the first half of the first one today, and so far so good. It was a bit snug to be lined. After I finished, it was actually the perfect size for my hands if I wanted unlined mittens. But, I splurged and bought some amazing baby alpaca yarn for the lining. It is so soft, and they are going to be so warm. For someone who is always cold, I couldn't resist the urge to knit a lining. I think after blocking them, they will be just the right size to accommodate the lining.

The one above is damp and drying on my DIY mitten blockers. I created a pattern on corrugated cardboard and covered it with strips of clear contact paper to waterproof it. Then I created a separate thumb insert. This way, I'll have the right size thumb blocker for mitten thumbs that come out the side or the kind that are inserted into the palm. Although, I must say that I prefer the kind that come out the side. I always feel like my thumb has more range of motion in that kind.

Second fun adventure in our house - Vegetables.

The boys and I went with a really fun group of moms and kiddos to Miller Farms in Platteville, Col. October is their Fall Havest Festival. The kids had a great time climbing hay bale pyramids and riding sand dune-buggies around the farm. We also spent about three hours out in the fields. We came home with quite a harvest. I've been cooking, canning, cleaning, steaming and eating all week. The stash included: red-skinned potatoes, white and red onions, sweet corn, pumpkins, green beans, tomatillos, peppers (pictured above in at least 5 different varieties), eggplants, leeks, cabbage and carrots. I'm racing the clock to eat or freeze all of it before it starts rotting. Thank goodness for our compost pile so that I don't feel quite as guilty if I don't make it through all of the produce.

7 Inches of Snow in September?

2009-09-22T12:22:00.001-06:00

I managed to save my poor petunias from extinction in yesterday's snowstorm. I'm not sure how happy they are about growing on my kitchen counter, but at least they're not blanketed in seven inches of snow! Yes, count 'em - one, two, three, four, five, six, seven! Thankfully it finally stopped snowing, but the skies of Evergreen are still cloudy and I've seen a few flurries trying to sneak down from the sky today.

First Snow!!

2009-09-21T09:12:00.000-06:00

This is what it's doing at my house right now. Can you see the snow on the deck rail and beginning to pile up on my carefully covered picnic table? Can you see my very cold, very sad petunias begnning to sag in the upper left corner of the photo.

Yes, don't blink your eyes. This is actually snow - in September. Weatherbug is calling for 3 inches of accumulation today with possible snow showers again tomorrow.

My kids are ecstatic. The first thing Alex asked this morning is if it was going to snow today. And, it appears that he has gotten his wish. So much for our hike today. I just hope they're not too disappointed. They want to go sledding, and Alex is glued to the windows asking when that might happen. I'm not sure that slick grass with a dusting of powder is a very fun sledding surface!

Digital Scrapbooking :: My Kids Need Baby Books

2009-09-19T09:24:00.003-06:00

I have a dirty little secret that I've locked away and I'm ashamed to talk about. Neither of my kids have a baby book. I pride myself on being a good mom, and (in my mind) along with the responsibility of raising kind, happy kids, comes the documentation of said raising. Well, I've fallen below the bar on that portion of my mom responsibilities. Don't get me wrong. I've taken tons of digital pictures and have kept various computer files stashed in various locations with funny phrases and momentous occurrences. BUT...none of this information exists in a cute, tidy little book over which parents and grandparents can ooh and aah.

I have to admit that part of my shame stems from the fact that my mom did not make me a baby book until I was 32 years old. My entire life I would go to friends houses and page through their cute baby books with graphics of yellow chicks and fluffy lambs, hospital bracelets flattened and yellowing under their chock-full-of acid tape (we were kids of the 70s - this was long before acid-free paper, etc.). I felt left out and neglected in a very tongue and cheek way. Although a tiny, tiny part of me in the very dark corners of my mind, felt truly neglected, like I wasn't important enough for my mom to whip out the scrapbooking supplies and make me a sugary sweet baby book. Even though my mom was seriously mom of the century and my brother and I turned out to be great human beings, I felt less of a great human being without the book to document my turning into this responsible, kind person. Tee hee. Pretty pathetic, huh? That's how my teenaged mind worked.

Now my brother, on the other hand, never cared that he didn't have pictures of himself drooling, surrounded by cartoon puppy dogs and froggies. And I'm guessing that my boys won't care either. But I still feel as though I might miss out on the Mom of the Year Award if I can't provide the visual documentation of all of my hard mothering work.

So, please help me win this giveaway from Today's Creative Blog.

I want to win the gift certificate from Ella. $20 that could go toward the future mental stability of my sons. Because as I've adequately proven through my own neuroses -- NO BABY BOOK, NO MENTAL STABILITY!!

College Professors Who Tweet (or Use Twitter)

2009-09-18T13:25:00.005-06:00

My brother is a college professor at High Point University in Greensboro, NC. I've been researching social marketing in academics to give him some advice on keeping his students engaged. It's fun to realize that the ivory tower of academia is moving into the 21st century with Twitter, Facebook, etc. I love the juxtaposition of the stodgy and the slick.

Here's a link to a really interesting article about the hows and whys of Twitter in a college setting. I love the phrase "ambient awareness." It's not that I'm a cyberstalker or a voyeur of some sort by following people on Twitter or reading blogs without commenting. I just have a craving for "ambient awareness." Love it!

You can follow me on Twitter here if you're interested in developing an ambient awareness of a full-time mom and part-time personal assistant to toddlers.

Felted Totebag :: It's Finally Finished

2009-09-15T14:13:00.001-06:00

I'm so happy to have finally finished this totebag (more the size of a purse, actually). I cast on in June during our vacation, and got lots of quality knitting time in the car. Then it hibernated in a drawer for many days because I was too lazy to sew in all of the ends left from the stripes. I made a pact with myself to finish up a few of my unfinished projects before I started the Fiddlehead Mittens. So I finally pulled it back out and started weaving in ends. Then a short 22 minutes of felting later, it was complete. Still waiting for it to be completely dry, but I love the way it turned out. I can't wait to use this on our long weekend to the wine country in a couple of weeks.

By the way, I did go ahead and cast on the Fiddleheads last night. I managed to find a great combination of colors in my stash - so proud of myself for not buying new yarn. The yarn that I'm using is slightly less fuzzy (it's a merino instead of an alpaca blend). So the mittens might not be quite as fuzzy, but they will be washable which I like!

Real Firefighters at our House

2009-09-14T08:45:00.003-06:00

Anyone who knows our family knows my oldest son's obssession with firefighters. Since he was a little kid, he's been fascinated with all things firefighter. You might remember the firefighter birthday party complete with firetruck cake and firefighter games.

Yesterday, we went to the Big Chili Cookoff, the annual fundraising event for the local fire departments in our area. Alex, and his best friend Sadie, got to take part in a firefighter relay race.

They crawled through tunnels, lugged hoses and dragged "bodies" from a "burning building." Alex was in heaven.

They got to use a real pressure hose to put out a pretend fire in a wooden building. Alex has been talking about being a "real" firefighter ever since!

Fiddlehead Mittens

2009-09-13T22:41:00.002-06:00

I stumbled upon this pattern tonight, and I have fallen in love with these mittens.

The pattern is called Fiddlehead and you can purchase it on Ravelry here. I'm still trying to figure out which wool I want to buy to make these. This picture, knitted by JaneII on Ravelry, was made from the Sunset Collection by Riihivilla. The company is based in Finland, and it appears that everyone on Ravelry who has the Sunset Collection of colors in their stash purchased it at the open-air market in Helsinki. No trips planned to Finland anytime soon - or maybe ever - and Riihivilla doesn't have this collection for sale online anymore. So I'm stuck trying to match this beautiful combination of colors with other wool. FYI - the beautiful "cool" color mittens in the first photo were made by purlewe on Ravelry.

I'm also going to have to knit these on the sly because I've had this hat on the needles for my husband FOREVER. This Lusekofte Cap pattern was my first attempt at Fair Isle knitting. I got a little sidetracked with a couple of pairs of socks and a felted tote bag, and the poor skiing hat got pushed to the back of the knitting drawer. This picture was knitted by knittinmama on Ravelry - mine isn't even close to completion!! Kevin still brings up the abandoned/hibernating ski cap now and then. I know that if I whip out a new wintery project like mittens, I'm going to be listening to a lot of snide remarks about cold ears on the ski slopes.

So I may have to suck it up and finish the Norwegian hat so that I can make the Fiddleheads in peace!

Free MP3 Every Day

2009-09-13T07:36:00.003-06:00

This is such a cool website:

One Track Mind

What a great way to discover new bands and music for free. I'm sure I'll find a few good tunes to add to my skiing playlist. Can you tell I've been excited about the cold nights? (39 degrees at my house last night!) Skiing, here we come. I got a new ski helmet and jacket last weekend, and I can't wait to wear them on the slopes.

Create your own Blogger Favicon

2009-09-12T15:47:00.006-06:00

Just figured out how to create and upload my own favicon. For those of you who aren't familiar with the term, it's the tiny "logo" that appears next to the address in your web browser window.

Here's my new one. Pretty simple, but it fits with the new web theme that I have going on.

Follow the steps below to create your own.

1) Open a new document in Photoshop, Illustrator (or whatever design program you use.) I created a document that was 130 pixels x 130 pixels at 72 dpi.

2) Create your favicon to fit within those dimensions.

3) Save it as a JPG

4) Go to http://www.iconj.com/

5) Create a free account at IconJ - this site will convert your JPG, GIF or PNG to the ICO format and host the graphic for free.

6) Upload your JPG - just as you would upload photos to Flickr or Photobucket and save.

7) Click on "My Account" in IconJ

8) Under "Account Profile" click on "My Favicon Code"

9) Copy the code in the "My Dynamic Favicon Code:" box

10) Login to your blogger account

11) Click "Layout"; on the Layout tab, click "Edit HTML"

12) You will want to place the code that you copied from IconJ directly above the closing of your blogger header. You can quickly locate this by pressing Ctrl-F and typing "/head" into the search box (without the quotation marks). This will highlight the closing header code in your blog's html.

13) Paste the IconJ code into the html box directly above this line.

14) Save your Template

15) Open your blog in a new window, and your new Favicon should appear.

Good luck!

Blogger Designs by Me

2009-09-11T17:42:00.000-06:00

In designing a new blog for my brother, I was inspired to update my own template. The sock puppets were fun, but I wanted a more refined look. Sort of the mood that I've been recently. So here it is. Let me know what you think.

Here's a look at my brother's new template, too. Click here for a look at the real thing.:

I've been working on quite a few design projects recently: blog templates, logo designs and web design. I'll post some samples soon.

DIY Wall-Sized Dry Erase Board

2009-09-07T19:12:00.013-06:00

A couple of months ago, I was shopping at one of my favorite craft stores. On the wall behind the register was this:A magnetic, dry erase calendar!! WALL SIZED!!

As a freelance writer and marketing consultant, I am constantly juggling deadlines. Combine that with my personal assistant status to two toddlers, and my brain can't keep track of all the dates and times. It is an understatement to say that I was coveting the Pottery Barn calendar that you see above. After doing a little research, I discovered that this thing would cost me $160 (if I could find it on sale) and it was made of two pieces of metal that I needed to butt up against one another. (You can see the seam running right through the middle of Thursday.)
I knew there must be a better and cheaper way.

Here's the result of a little creative brainstorming and elbow grease:
Behold, my own "Pottery Barn" Knock-off.

Supplies:

2 white panel-board panels from Home Depot (these are 3/8" thick and finished with a smooth white surface) = 2 @ $12.98 = $25.96
1 roll of blue electrical tape from Home Depot (to make the calendar grid) = $3.97
2 sheets of green foam (9"x12") from Walmart (to make the backing for the calendar numbers) = 2 @ $0.97 = $1.94
1 package of Heavy Duty velcro strips = $2.29
2 hours of work = Priceless
TOTAL COST: $34.16

My husband hung the panel boards for me on an empty wall in my office. The panels are 4'x8'. He trimmed mine to 6' tall. I pieced two together but you can't tell because I planned the grid so that the electrical tape would cover the seam. The total size is about 5.5'x6'.

I measured out my monthly grid, and designed my calendar number templates in Illustrator. I made a 5x7 square grid. (5 weeks, 7 days) Each square is 10" wide by 12" high.

Here's a close-up of the numbers. Click here to download a 2-page PDF of all the calendar numbers. I printed the numbers on full sheet labels and cut them out. Then adhered them to circles that I had cut out of the foam sheets. Finally I attached small squares of velcro to each circle. This way, I can change out the numbers every month.

I'm a little bit anal when it comes to aesthetics, so I didn't want blank sqaures of ugly black velcro hanging out at the beginning and end of each month. So, I made some blank circles with only the design on them to cover up the extra squares left when the 1st of the month starts on a different day.

I originally started out with the idea of melamine panels. I had heard that the Melamine surface mimics that of a dry erase board. But the woman at Home Depot directed me to the panel boards because they are a lot thinner, and consequently, there is a lot less weight to hang on the wall. The white panel boards are also 1/3 the cost of the Melamine. She even found some dry erase markers at Home Depot and let my sons color all over the panel before I bought it. The ensured that we would be able to wipe off the marker each month.
Now that I have it up, I'm in love. The marker comes right off with a clean rag. Red, blue and green markers work the best. The black marker leaves some shadowing and residue, but even that comes off with a little bit of rubbing alcohol. The white board doesn't have the magentic attributes that the Pottery Barn calendar had, but that's what post it notes were invented for. My office is lined with bulletin boards for tacking things up, so anything that needs sticking to the calendar board, I'll write on a Post-It.
The best part is that I ended up with a space about 18" high by 70" wide at the bottom of the panels. This is the perfect area for my sons to color. They have their own coloring board, and I don't have scribbles all over my calendar.

How cool is this?

2009-08-13T21:59:00.005-06:00

How cool is this photo treatment? I just found a link to this fun site here on a new blog that I discovered here. I swear that this Jessica Jones person is inside my head. Everything that she posts on her blog is something that I love. I've been sitting at my dining room table for an hour oohing and aahing over the craft ideas, fabric swatches and fun graphic design stuff posted on her site. Check it out.

Good Old Fashioned Carnie Fun :: Lakeside Amusement Park

2009-08-06T07:19:00.006-06:00

It just wouldn't be summer without a little fun at the carnival/amusement park. Growing up, some of my fondest summer memories were going to Great America, the Six Flags amusement park 1 1/2 hours from where I grew up.

As part of Alex and Ben's summer reading program at the local libraries, they got free tickets to Lakeside Amusement Park in Denver. Lakeside was built in 1908 and was known at the time as "the Coney Island of the West." It is truly that, a throwback to a different era. And my kids loved it.

They have a Kiddie Area with 15 or 20 different rides, all geared toward that 2-7 year old crowd. Always a little hesitant to try new things, we weren't sure how the boys would do, but as you can see -- they loved it!

Alex was my big boy who bounced and spun and floated and rode with only a hint of hesitation masked behind his smile. The best part was during each ride when the mask of glee would turn to actual glee. I could always see the exact moment when he mentally settled in and realized this was something he actually liked, instead of something he simply thought he should like.
He even rode on the ferris wheel with a boy he didn't know - and talked to him. This is a huge step for my little guy who even a year ago would cry uncontrollably if I got more than 5 inches from him in new situations.

And my little Ben, in his too-cool-for-school sunglasses, spent most of the day gleefully skipping from ride to ride -- following his brother into the unknown world of bounces and bumps. He especially loved the flying sharks and the bouncing ladybugs. Not a big fan of rides that spin too fast. I should have know this given the fact that he is terrified of tire swings. I think he gets his dislike of circular momentum from Kevin. Luckily for me, Alex loves dizzy rides, so I'll have a partner in crime when the kids pass that magic 48 inch mark and can ride the adult rides.

And finally, a lazy boat ride to end the day. They were exhausted, their legs covered in grease from climbing in and out of the ancient rides, and ecstatic. Lakeside was definitely one of the highlights of their summer. One little boy who rode behind them on the bouncing UFOs put it perfectly. "Mommy, that ride made my heart feel so happy!" And it made my heart so happy to see it!

"Twilight" is upon us...

2009-08-05T08:34:00.002-06:00

I didn't think it was possible. Not that I think I'm above being sucked into cultural phenomenon - after all, I even ended up watching "High School Musical" with my 9 year old niece, and liking it. But I've managed to resist so many of these recent trends. I've never read a Harry Potter book, never seen a Harry Potter movie, didn't stand in line at midnight to see the Lord of the Rings movies. You get the point.

The problem? Not that I think I'm all high and mighty and too good for these things. The problem is that I know I have an addictive personality. Once I get sucked in, all hope it lost. I'm in for the long haul. I do this with even non-culturally phenomenon-y things, too. Once I read "Running with Scissors," I had to read every Augusten Burroughs book ever written. Even the self-indulgent, self-serving ones. And you what? I liked all of them. Even as I was stuck with Burroughs in that whiny, alcohol fueled 1980s ad agency.

And now, I've finally given in. I bought the iPhone (yet another cultural bandwagon that I've finally jumped on - but that's another story), downloaded the Kindle application, and downloaded "Twilight." And now I'm stuck with Edward and Bella, and I think I'm going to be stuck with them for the whole saga. How many are there? 44? 4? All the same to me. Now that I've fallen in love with E&B and their twisted school-girl romance laced with dangerous vampirical undertones, I'll be with them until the end. Damn you Stephenie Meyer!!

Actually, damn you DirectTV pay-per-view. I was flipping through the channels one night and stumbled upon this bluish-looking movie with very attractive people and one of those teen-angst soundtracks that we secretly love. The movie was dark and eerie and seductive and lovely for the 14-year old girl still trapped somewhere inside me. Think Degrassi Junior High meets 21 Grams, that dark, disturbing, trippy Sean Penn movie. That little teenager inside me couldn't resist. So I watched the whole thing.

Then I started hearing about Stephenie Meyer. I'm a sucker for the backstory on authors' lives. So I got sucked into reading about her life, the internet-contrived plagiarism controversy, etc. And now here I find myself in this modern-day Victorian-esque world of the Cullens and the Swans.

I have to admit, I looked at that apple on the cover graphic as I hit download from Amazon. I actually knew that at that moment, I was taking a bite of that forbidden fruit and there was no going back.

2009-08-03T15:34:00.001-06:00

I'm so happy to be back with my kiddos after three days of living under a freelance rock. The project went well and the project is finished! Hooray on both counts.

DIY :: Craft Room Supply Holders

2009-07-30T16:32:00.010-06:00

My oilcloth finally arrived from Mendels. The photo is only a smattering of what I got. This particular stack was a "Remnants pack." You got 3 total yards of oilcloth in patterns of their choosing. They are sized anywhere from 1/8 yard to 1/2 yard each. From left to right the patterns are: Medium Blue Hibiscus, Light Blue Gingham Mini Check, Red Blooms, Blue Cafe Check, Turquoise San Miguel, Red Polkadots, Light Blue Background Oranges, Solid Gray and White Background Cherries. I also got some special order cuts of stripes, polka dots and a great vintage toile pattern for making totebags.
Meanwhile, these remnants are the perfect size for my first Craft Room makeover project -- DIY supply holders. The goal of this craft room is to buy as few things as possible, reuse as many household items as I can while making it beautiful and welcoming.

We recycle in my house, but I always fill guilty tossing that piles of cans from soups, green beans (the kids will only eat the canned kind) and other things. I started saving them and decided they would make the perfect containers to tame my office supply addiction.

Below, you'll see the supplies needed for this VERY simply project. The hotglue gun isn't pictured here. It was heating up in the background.

(Tin or aluminum can - washed and dried, craft scissors, measuring tape, hotglue gun and oilcloth remnant):

Measure the height and circumference of the can. Choose a section of your oilcloth remnant that you'd like to use. In this case, I choose the one below because it had a large section of the hibiscus design intact. Cut a rectangle that is 3/4 taller than the height of your can and 1/2 inch longer than your can's circumference.

You can use the craft scissors to make one edge look more decorative. In this case, I used the Fiskars Wave patterned scissors. You could just as easily use pinking shears or leave the top a straight edge. This takes about 1/4 inch off - leaving the swatch 1/2 inch taller than your can.

Run a line of hot glue down one of the short ends of your rectangle. Secure this from the top to the bottom on your can. Position the oilcloth so that your scallops (or other design) sit slightly above the top edge of the can (~1/8 inch). Wrap the remaining fabric around the can's circumference - using the hotglue gun to secure the fabric as you go. I run a thin line of glue around the top of the can and use that to secure the oilcloth. You'll secure the remainder of the oilcloth to the bottom of the can, so you don't really need much glue on the sides of the can. Once the can is completely wrapped, you should have 1/2 inch of oilcloth that overlaps your starting end. Run a thin line of hot glue down this end of the oilcloth and secure from the top to the bottom of the can.

When you're finished, your product should look like this. You'll have roughly 1/2 inch of oilcloth hanging below the bottom of the can. Take a pair of sharp scissors and make straight cuts in the oilcloth from the bottom of the overhanging piece to the bottom of the can. These should be spaced every 1/4-inch (or so) around the overhanging fabric. This will create small tabs of oilcloth that will fold more easily under the bottom of the can. Fold these tabs under one at a time securing with hot glue as you go. See results below:

Make sure when you are cutting your tabs that you only trim to within 1/8 inch of the bottom of the can, but not all the way to the bottom or above it. If you cut too far, you will be able to see the cuts marks after the tabs are secured and you flip the can over.

At this point, you could be finished, but I like to cover the remaining portion of the can on the bottom. Measure the diameter of the "circle" of can left uncovered on the bottom. In this case, it was 2.25"x2.25". I cut a square out of craft paper to these dimesions. You can easily use your scissors to trim the square's corners to create a circle pattern. Use this pattern to measure the circle of oilcloth. Trace and trim.

Secure the circle to the bottom of the can with hot glue, and allow your project to dry.

Here are the finished products. These are currently filled with paper clips and rubber bands. I have 2 more soup cans waiting to be covered for holding staples and binder clips of various sizes.

Note: Some people don't like to see the raw edge of the can on the inside of the top. You could easily cut your oilcloth larger and fold it over the top of the can to create a finished look. I don't mind being able to see the little bit of can that peeks out of the masses of rubber bands, etc.

Another thing to keep in mind is the sharp edge left on the can when you remove the top with a can opener. If the can wasn't opened with a clean cut, the metal can leave jagged edges which can poke little fingers (or your own). I use a pair of needle nosed pliers to cafefully pinch down the sharp lip that can be left inside the can.

2009-07-28T14:00:00.001-06:00

Just trying this out. I didn't know that I could post to my blog with my iPhone. Yet another reason to love/hate Apple!

Double Pointed Needle Case :: Knitting Accessories

2009-07-28T13:00:00.007-06:00

Here's my latest sewing project: It only took a couple of hours with most of that time being used to cut and iron the fabric. I have been wanting a case to hold all of my double-pointed knitting needles. Having a sock knitting addiction leads to a lot of little bamboo sticks lying around the house. But everything I found online was either really expensive or very bulky, and I wanted something that I could roll up in a suitcase or throw in a tote bag for a long car trip.

I searched and searched and finally stumbled upon the blog of a woman in Brooklyn, NY.

She had this pattern and a great tutorial for this Double Pointed Needle Case here: http://onepotato.blogspot.com/2007/01/double-pointed-needle-case.html Many thanks to RFG over at One Potato for such an easy to follow tutorial and great inspiration in all of her projects.

The case started as this:

Four fat quarters courtesy of Jo-Ann Fabrics at $1.25 each. It happened to be a buy 3 fat quarters and get a fourth one free. So, in total this project cost me about $7 -- that included the interfacing and the thread. Not bad, eh?

Here's the final result. The case is designed to holder DPNs size 0-11. Mine isn't very full because I seem to have a lot of socks on the needles right now.It turned out even better than I expected. The inner lining fabric wrinkles a little bit once the case is full and rolled, but it is exactly what I was searching for.

And the best part? I have enough fabric left to make one of these handmade pin-cushions that I found over at The Purl Bee:

It's been awhile...

2009-07-27T15:20:00.009-06:00

We've been on the road for most of the summer - thus, the silence on the blog. Had a great trip back to the Midwest to visit family and friends. My kids got to go strawberry picking and run through a sprinkler (two things that they don't get to do with all the watering restrictions in Colorado.) Behold the joy that is fresh picked, red-all-the-way-through strawberries:

Pure bliss!
Then, we spent a week in Maine on the ocean. Our friends Mark and Kristen are expecting, so I was great to catch up with them before Baby Girl makes her appearance.
Here is the amazing lobster dinner that we created one night:

Here are the kiddos enjoying the very relaxing porch at our rented cottage. Harmony Cottage in Northport, ME. Check it out for your next rental. Peaceful, cozy and just what we needed to spend time with old friends.

And the beautiful flowers that were growing like crazy in front of the cottage:

Must have been all that rain in Maine - the was falling mainly on our heads, not on the plain!

Since we returned home, the summer has been filled with swimming lessons and playdates with the boys' favorites friends. We tackled the woodchip pile which took on a life of its own that has been in our driveway for almost 9 months. It is finally gone. We have lots of trails that run the length of our property. The boys love exploring all the nooks and crannies of their climbing rocks - which can now be accessed by trails.

And...of course, I've been mulling over lots of new projects. I'll post pictures as time goes on. The project of the week is coverting our guest to 1/8-part guest room and 7/8-parts craft room/office for me. It's all still in the measuring, organizing, planning stages, but I'm hoping it will be drool worthy.

Glad to be back!

I couldn't have said it better myself!

2009-04-03T08:34:00.008-06:00

Have you seen this?

Click here for the link. I tried to post the article here, but I couldn't get the formatting right so that it was readable.

I'm not posting this in some self-righteous attempt to justify my current existence, but more as a way to explain to myself and others why it seems like have less patience (and more patience than ever in the same breath), less time, less energy (and more energy than ever), less self-respect (and more than ever) and A LOT fewer complete thoughts than I ever had before.

When I sit down at the end of the day and wonder what I did with my time, I'll just read this over and over and thank my lucky stars that I've been given the chance and the gift to take on this crazy challenge called motherhood. And then I'll go have a cocktail!

Vacay...Away...Hooray!

2009-04-02T07:35:00.003-06:00

I haven't completely let my new priorities take over - the blog is still on the daily to-do list. Kevin and I took a kid-free vacation, and I've been swamped with "real life" stuff since we made it home. The vacation was wonderful.

We spent three nights at our condo in the mountains. We skied three days in a row which I don't think I've done since 2004 (Before Kids - or BK for short). Got to eat Indian and Thai food which is an experience that has become infrequent since our kids became old enough to express their EXTREME opposition to it. Had a leisurely dinner in a restaurant with friends. No "feed bag!" That what's we call the red zipper pouch in which I carry all of the emergency snacks and toys to keep my kids occupied in case of a slow (or even average) wait person.

I even took a very quiet and languorous trip to Target by myself. Never has perusing drive belts for vacuum cleaner felt so indulgent! But something else happened in the midst of all this child-free bliss. While waiting in line at Target a toddler two check-out aisles over started chattering to his mother. She understood every word of the incomprehensible babble...and I physically hurt. It was that primal milk letting down sort of pain that twinged through my body. That little voice made me ache for my kids. Not enough to get in the car and run home that instant. (I may be attached, but I'm not crazy -- it was only the first night), but enough to realize that my threats to run away to Mexico are full of hot air. I'd be on the next kayak out of the Sea of Cortez to get back to all of the nose wiping and argument refereeing. What can I say? I'm a sucker for my kids!

We came home on the day of Alex's 4th birthday party. Pictures to come soon of Scuba Party 2009. I guarantee the scuba diving birthday cake is unlike anything you've ever seen. Pretty? Probably not! Unique? Definitely!

Spy Kids: Live! With Caffeine

2009-03-20T09:00:00.003-06:00

I'm sitting in a coffee shop attempting to get some last minute work finished right now. This is part of the new "Focus on Mothering Time While Mothering" and "Focus on Work Time While Working" pact that I made with myself...and my family.

I left home early to park myself in a coffee shop (since the library - my preference for a quiet working place - doesn't open until 10 a.m.! Who waits to go to the library until the middle of the morning? No one! Very inconvenient.)

Across the shop, I hear a voice that I recognize. I look up and can't place the face at first. Then I realize it's my neighbor. We know some of our neighbors very well, and others not as much. This is one of those not as much neighbors. We had dinner with them once right after Alex was born. So, it was almost four years ago, and I was in that post-baby fog. We always see the husband out and about, but the wife works a lot, and we never see her.

But sure enough, here she is. They are close enough that I can catch bits and pieces of the conversation, but far enough away that they can't see me watching. It appears to be a business meeting - although they are dressed in casual attire. And I'm learning a lot about my neighbor. How they came to live here...why they decided to have the number of children that they did, etc.

Is this terrible? Yes! I know it is, but all of my life, I've been a little too nosey for my own good. I can read lips, I have excellent hearing and I'm inherently interested in people. My husband hates eating out with me because inevitably, I have one ear on our conversation and the other ear on an interesting conversation at the next table or across the restaurant. Now that we have kids, I've had to grow a couple more ears because I need at least two for my husband and the kids' restaurant antics, but I still don't want to give up on some interesting tidbit that I might glean from the stranger two tables down.

Let me clarify a little bit. I do not hide behind couches and listen to people's arguments. I do not tap phone lines or even pick up secondary lines to listen to people's conversations. I do not rifle through people's things when they aren't there. I'm not that kind of nosey. I'm more the "If You're Going To Be Talking About Something in a Public Place then It's Fair Game for Me to Listen To" type of nosey. For some reason, I felt like I needed to clarify my voyeuristic tendencies so that you didn't think I was a complete freakshow.

I've alway chalked this curiousity (and nosiness) up to an extreme interest in people. As an adult, I've also called it an occupational necessity and an occupational hazard. As a writer, I need to know about people. I've found some great characters mopping the floors in Panera bread company or chatting on their cell phone in the airport. And by not engaging these people in actual conversation, I can take the bits and pieces that interest me and the characters can take on their own life in my imagination. I don't have to accept all of the baggage that comes along with a fully developed person - just the baggage that interests me as a writer.

But, this is the first time that I've spied on someone who I know. And I'll admit, I feel a little guilty. I was actually relieved when the espresso machine got louder so that I couldn't hear the conversation across the room. If I can't hear it, I won't listen. But as long as I can catch strains of information, I'm hooked. I'm realizing that I'm a lot better at this espionage stuff when it involves people that I don't know. If it's someone who I've never met, I don't feel bad about soaking in all of their torrid (or moreoften than not, everyday) events and letting them create a life of their own in my mind. But when it's my neighbor, it just makes me feel wrong. Guess it's a good thing that my spy games don't topple over into the realm of real life - that would be a slippery slope.

Superheroes of the Most Usual Kind

2009-03-19T14:34:00.009-06:00

For as long as I can remember, Alex has been obsessed with firefighters and fire engines. In fact, he's pretty much obsessed with anything safety related. Words that make his ears perk up are "smoke," "fire," "rescue," "alarm," "emergency," "ambulance." You get the gist of it. We have to constantly monitor our conversations to ensure that we don't use one of the hot button words which might result in a 20 minute conversation about the specifics of how the smoke detector works or why the ambulance has words written backwards on the front of it. Believe me, I'm very proud of Alex's curious nature as well as his constant quest to ensure that the world is safe from danger and wrong-doing. But, I can only detail the specifics of the inner workings of a rescue vehicle so many times.

Somehow, in the midst of his life full of safety, Alex has gotten it into his head that the most honorable birthday parties are not ones with marketing-laden figures like Nemo or Elmo or even Batman. Birthday parties are about honoring those that make our world a better place. Alex takes superheroes very seriously and won't stand for imposters or wannabes. Last year he carefully considered the job of our college friend Jason and said to me, "Mommy is Fireman Jason a superhero?" In his world, superheroes are real-life do-gooders. Thus the reason that Alex wanted to call Fireman Jason to tell him about the first time he went potty on the big boy potty. Jason, who does not have kids yet, feined surprise and appropriately praised the budding young firefighter who had mastered the most important fire hose - his own!

Given all of the firefighting hoopla surrounding our house, last year Alex requested a firefighter birthday party. The cake was a huge hit complete with Smartys serving as hose hookups on the sides. During our potty training days with Alex, we started using Smartys as a bribe to get him to use the potty. One Smarty for going #1 and two Smartys for going #2 in the potty. It worked pretty well. So well, in fact, that when I brought the cake out at last year's birthday party, Alex loudly declared, "Look Uncle Mark. There are potty treats on my cake. If you're really good, you can have one!"

We played firefighter games. A relay race to see who could put on all of the firefighting gear the fastest. "Pin the Badge on the Firefighter":

I bought clear plastic ketchup and mustard bottles like you find at a hotdog stand. We filled those with water, and the kids shot the water at the tissue paper in the bank windows to put out the fire.
All in all, it was a huge success and although I was happy, I was also slightly concerned that I had set the expectation for even more creative birthday parties in future years. And, I was right!

This year, Alex has decided that he wants a scuba diving party, complete with a scuba diver birthday cake, blue streamers hanging over the windows and an ocean sounds soundtrack so that his guests feel like they are underwater when they get to our house. He has requested a relay race called "Who Can Put on the Scuba Gear the Fastest and Run the Farthest in Flippers." This child's imagination knows no boundaries at the ripe age of 3 years and 350-some days. His list of ideas goes on and on.

I did find a fun picture online of a scuba diving cake made with white cake and blue jello that fits down into the cake to form a body of water supspended in the cake. Now I just have to come up with some scuba diving games and all will be right in the world of superheroes - those that rescue, those that save and yes, those that dive!

I can bring home the bacon...but shouldn't I just fry it up in the pan?

2009-03-18T14:01:00.004-06:00

When Kevin and I made the long awaited decision to have kids, we agreed that we both wanted me to be a stay-at-home mom. I was raised by a mom who stayed home with us, and I loved the feelings of closeness and security that came with knowing my mom would always be around to dance with me or paint with me or just cart me around from activity to activity. I wanted that for my kids. I wanted that for myself. Or did I?

After being home with our first born, Alex, for a few months, I started to get antsy. Not antsy to get away from the house. Not antsy to get away from Alex. Simply antsy to explore other venues of myself while being a mom. Slowly but surely I started picking up writing gigs, volunteering opportunities, consulting jobs. Suddenly my noodle in the acronym soup had changed. I was no longer a SAHM. I had become a WAHM without even knowing it.

Part of this transition was simply that I like being busy. I like feeling as though I'm being intellectually challenged and that I'm doing something to better the world. Deep down, I think my greater fear was becoming obsolete as a person. I would soon be able to define myself as a mother, but would shortly not be able to define myself as anything else. This really scared me.

Something about writing "stay-at-home mom" or "homemaker" on my tax returns made me cringe a little bit. If I'm honest with myself, I'll admit that something about those phrases didn't feel good enough to me. In spite of the fact that SAHM was the title I had dreamed of my entire life and a title that I truly believe is the most important one of all in this world.

Here's what I've learned. I have loved being a Work at Home Mom - a lot! I love spending time with my kids and helping them to become better people. I love the picking and choosing that comes with having my writing career and my consulting job be secondary to my primary responsiblity as a mother. Don't like the option that's being presented at work? Don't want to seek out a new gig? Don't want to go to work today? No big deal. My "real" job is being a mom. I can say no to all of those things that I don't want to do in my freelance life.

BUT...and this is a big BUT. I'm not very good at being a WAHM. In trying to combine my two careers - that of a money-earning part of the working world and that of a child-adoration-earning part of the home world - the career that suffers is the one involving my family. There are many times when I find myself saying "One more minute" (which is really 30 more minutes) while I finish up an article or a newsletter layout or a strategic planning agenda. Meanwhile, the dishes sit unfinished, the laundry sits unfolded and the kids sit waiting for mommy's much needed attention.

What I've noticed is on the days that I am fully committed to my SAHM job, my entire family (including myself) is much happier. Things are clean. Things are organized. Mommy has more patience. And life is a lot more fun. So, I'm trying to find a balance. Selfishly, I don't want to give up my WAHM career. But honestly, I want to a more focused mother, a more focused homemaker and a more focused partner. I'm working on ways to divide my time more evenly so that I don't have to stop writing or mothering, but can do each one just a little bit better.

There's no right or wrong answer. And I know there's no panacea in the "Mommy Wars." But I feel like I'm having my Mommy War as a civil war within myself. Any suggestions?

Are there seals in my bedroom?

2009-03-12T07:27:00.003-06:00

We've been visiting my husband's sister in Chicago this week. It's been a great time for the boys to spend time with their older cousin. The night before we left, Ben started waking up in the night screaming. He continued to get worse...and worse, until the night before last, he was gasping for air all night long. I finally put him in bed with me because his breathing was so shallow and erratic, I was worried that he wasn't getting any air.

The next morning, as he sat barking like a California sea lion, I realized we had ourselves a full-blown case of CROUP!! Alex had croup when he was a baby, but I don't remember it being quite so severe or scary. Ben's sickness symptoms tend to be amplified much more than Alex's. Even as a baby, Alex would have a cold with some whining and a side of groans. Ben gets a cold with lots of screaming and thrasing and death-rattle breaths. Just the difference in the way their little bodies respond to illness.

So, needless to say, we spent most of one day at the Immediate Care clinic at the hospital. His croup wasn't bad enough to warrant emergency intervention, but when you're on the road, you can never just walk into a doctor's office. Little Ben sat on my lap and wheezed his way through most of the visit. One steroid shot in his leg, and two more sleepless nights filled with barks and coughs, and he seems to be on the mend.

Although, after all those nights of Croup germs being coughed into my face, I think I've gotten the adult version. I no longer have a voice to calm my sicko kids! Should be a fun plane ride home!

Please tell me why my car is in the front yard??

2009-03-04T18:27:00.007-07:00

Okay...it's not actually my car, but I do have a question. What do you do when everyday you find something new lying in your yard? Something that is not yours. Something that belongs to your neighbor. The latest culprit?This skateboard that I almost backed over while pulling out of the driveway this morning. Our neighbors have three kids who are older than mine. They love playing outside, and they subscribe to the old-school thought process of roam the neighborhood and knock on doors to see who might be home to play.

I love this about them. We've been hearing so much about the difference in children's play-style since we've all become helicopter parents and the safety of our world has gotten more questionable. It makes me happy to live in a neighborhood where, in spite of the fact that there are no sidewalks and multiple wild animals (i.e., bear, mountain lion, coyote) who could devour our children, these kids are still having endless hours of unsupervised adventure outside.

Every day I wonder if when my kids are old enough to play on their own outside, I'll be brave enough and smart enough to give them a long enough "leash." I'm a pretty protective parent and come from VERY protective parents, so it's going to take a whole lot of self-talk to prevent me from building a cage that my kids can play in outside - protecting them from the dangers of our mountainous neighborhood, protecting me from the dangers of seeing my children hurt. Come to think of it, maybe a cage isn't a bad idea. Even now, my boys are constantly fighting with each other. We'll throw them in there and charge admission. It'll be like Ultimate Fighting Evergreen style. They always say that white trash moves to the mountains. So, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Ultimate Cage Fighting it is!

But, I digress. Along with spreading their love around the neighborhood, these kids spread their toys all around the neighborhood - at least my portion of the neighborhood. If I collected everything that I've found lying in my yard, my boys would be pretty happy in a few years. They would have soccer balls, dirt bikes, shovels, bows and arrows, army men, bungee cords...and a skateboard! And a little plastic ring in the shape of a pink heart. Not sure which one of the boys was wearing that one when it was plopped in our yard.

These items mysteriously appear. I never see the kids playing in our yard with said toys. The toys just make their way into our driveway or grass on their own. So, I've been watching. I think I've determined the problem. The neighbor kids stand at the bottom of their driveway waiting for the school bus every morning. Their driveway is directly across the street from the top of our driveway. The school bus door opens on our side of the street. The kids must hold on to their beloved items until the last possible minute and then toss them (into my driveway) before they step onto the school bus.

Here's my dilemma. I don't really care all that much, but I feel like I should care. I grew up in a perfectly manicured house with a perfectly manicured lawn, and I guarantee that if my neighbor had left his skateboard in our driveway, it would only have happened ONCE. But I feel like I should do something.

Sometimes I ignore it, and the toys mysteriously make their way out of my yard in a few days. Sometimes I place all of the items in a nice tidy pile at the bottom of their driveway. Sometimes I almost crush the skateboards with the wheels of my car. Regardless of the action that I take, nothing is ever said about the toys by me, the neighbor kids or their parents. It's like this silent game we have going to see who can not talk about it the longest.

As my kids get older and I'm constantly stressing picking up after yourself and caring for your things, I feel like I should be setting an example for my kids by setting our neighbor kids straight. Am I making too much of this? Or should I just hide everything in my garage and be happpy that I don't have to buy my son his own skateboard?

Got Milk? Not us!

2009-03-04T07:40:00.000-07:00

Our youngest son, Ben, is a strong willed little boy. From the moment he came into this world, things have been his way or the highway. Or in the case of his birth - both!

From the very beginning, he was an excellent nurser. He latched on within five minutes of being born, and never looked back. I weaned him at 13 months, but he probably would have kept nursing for another year had I let him.

Now he is underweight. Not that I put too much stock in the growth curves, but they did create them for a reason. At his 18 month check-up, he was in the 98th percentile for height and the 0 percentile for weight. Yes...ZERO! To our credit, both of the boys had a projectile vomiting plague the week before Ben's check-up. He lost five pounds that week, which for a boy of his size is a lot of weight. You could see his collarbones sticking out. I could trace the contour of every rib with my eyes. It was like watching my little boy peer out of a super model's body.

What is the connection between his weight gain issues and breastfeeding? My mommy guilt! Before weaning him, Ben would never take a bottle. We tried day-long nursing strikes, we tried bottle, cups, syringes...anything to get milk into him another way besides directly from my udders. I certainly didn't mind all of the nursing, but a girl's gotta have a break. He wouldn't take anything. I finally got him to take a few sips from one of those plastic shot glasses that comes with children's Tylenol.

Before weaning him, he would also never take milk, or formula - nothing except water - and then only if it was from the short-man's shot glass. I always assumed that after I weaned him, he wouldn't have a choice and would start drinking milk. We tried whole fat, half fat, no fat, goat milk, buffalo milk, soy milk, rice milk, chocolate flavored, strawberry flavored. It was a veritable Starbucks of dairy drinks at my house. No luck!!

I even went so far as to put cinnamon and vanilla extract into his drink thinking the incredibly unique flavor would tempt him. It didn't. And then my pediatrician reminded me that vanilla extract has alcohol in it. Granted, it was only a couple of drops, but at least he had the right mocktail for his little shot glass.

Now, I know that milk is not the panacea of children's weight gain, but you have to admit, it doesn't hurt. Especially breast milk. There have been numerous times in the last six months (as I've watched Ben's weight curve plummet), that I've wondered if it wasn't my own selfishness that caused me to wean him when he was still happily nursing. Not only does a girl need a break, but a girl's gotta have a cocktail sometimes, too! And I wasn't a big fan of those bite marks I was getting from his periodic experiments with chewing while nursing.

Life can't be full of what ifs, but this is a what if that I've been thinking about a lot since his mandatory doctor ordered weigh-in is on Thursday. We'll just have to hope that all of that mac n' cheese I've made with heavy cream and those avacadoes that I've hidden in his grilled cheese sandwiches are doing the trick.

The Song of Purple Summer...or Red Fall (as it were)

2009-03-03T10:04:00.013-07:00

In November, Kevin and I took a long weekend to visit our friend Brian in Los Angeles. It happened to be the weekend of the wildfires that were engulfing southern California. This picture was taken in broad daylight (not at sunrise or sunset). The eerie pinkish haze was the bi-product of the smoke filled skies. It made for a beautiful pic - although not very beautiful breathing.

This picture was taken after a day in downtown Los Angeles. Although I've visited L.A. multiple times in my adult life, I haven't spent much time downtown. Our friends have always lived in Santa Monica or Hollywood. We've either hung out at their local haunts or spent time walking the Santa Monica pier or the boardwalk in Venice Beach. It was a monumental weekend for visiting downtown L.A.

First off - the wildfires. The town was hazy and smoky and abuzz with the latest news of where each fire had spread. To most L.A. residents, it must be second nature to see Ahh-nald on the news every night, but I'll admit, it's still a novelty to me to take the Terminator seriously when he's talking about a state of emergency.

In the midst of all of this, this was also the weekend of the Proposition 8 protest marches. We took the subway down to City Hall to check out the spectacle of it all, as well as show our support for the protesters.

As we walked to City Hall, the newspaper boxes were filled with pictures of Sean Penn's face. Milk was schedule to be released the following week. Brian, who is friends with Dustin Lance Black (the writer of Milk's screenplay), was reveling in how crazy it was that this group of guys that he calls friends could very likely win an Academy Award for their work. How prophetic. It also didn't escape any of us the significance of the Prop 8 marches in the wake of Harvey Milk's recent popularity resurgence. Just 30 years before (almost to the day) Harvey Milk's life was taken from him at the San Francisco City Hall. And now here we were watching a fight for the same basic human rights that Milk believed were not only possible but deserved by all. Two steps forward and one step back. The story of our world!

After the rally, we made our way to the Ahmanson Theatre a few blocks away to see Spring Awakening. Brian had seen the original Broadway production, but this was our first time. I have to say simply that I loved it. Spring Awakening is one of those shows that people either loved or were indifferent about. When I've gushed to friends in the theater community about how much I enjoyed it, some have shrugged it off with, "Oh, it was okay."

Let me qualify the "I loved it" statement. It wasn't like being that 15 year old sitting in a theater in Chicago watching Les Miserables for the first time. I loved that show with every fiber of my being. The music, the staging...everything. But I was also 15, and I loved (and hated) everything with that sort of passion.

I loved Spring Awakening intellectually. It didn't move me emotionally. I wasn't weeping at the sad ending. But the music was exciting (I'm always a sucker for a cello), the concept was unique, the lyrics were poetic. The staging was creative and the lighting was phenomenal!! Loved the blue lights that came down during the second act.

And to this day, whenever "The Song of Purple Summer/I Don't Do Sadness" comes on my ipod, it takes me back to that weekend in November. The orange skies filled with wildfire haze, the red faces of those fighting for their rights that had been revoked, and the purple summer of that small moment in Spring Awakening when Ilse still has hope in spite of all that life has taken from her.

Getting back to nature...the Captain Hook Way

2009-03-02T14:05:00.011-07:00

The weather has been unbelievable in Colorado this month. There have been multiple days that I can leave the house without a coat and be perfectly comfortable. This weekend was no exception. The sun was shining and it was a great weekend to be outside. We loaded up the family and hit the trails at Flying J Open Space Park which is only about 2 miles from our house.

Everyone was happy. Bailey was enjoying the sunshine:Ben shoved his last handful of crackers into his mouth (as you see here) and was ready to hop into his Kelty carrier.Kevin and I were excited to stretch our legs after a long week. And Alex was...well...GRUMPY!

"I'm cold. Why does Ben get to ride and I have to walk? I don't want to go home, but I don't want to be here."

What is it about standing on the precipice of four years old that makes kids grumpy? At least, my kid grumpy? He's old enough to voice his concerns, but still too young to hop in the car and take off for his friend's house if things aren't going his way.

We started off on the trail in spite of his complaints. He wanted to hold my hand. He didn't want to hold my hand. We were walking too fast. We were walking too slowly. The only thing that seemed to make the whining stop was reading the periodic signs about wildfire suppression along the trail.

This went on for about twenty minutes until we had all had enough.

"Alex, it's a beautiful day. Why can't you be happy to be outside? You love being outside. Look around you at all of the fun things to see."

Then I remembered - he's three. He doesn't want look at nature - he wants to interact with nature, he wants to have adventures in nature. It's not about being "there." It's about experiencing "there."

And so our adventure began. We were explorers searching for treasures on the trails. We found golden pine cone coins and filled our pockets. We ice skated across the frozen pirate river. We used our "navigation computers" to spot people in the distance. We hopped aboard our pirate ship when the great storms came and blew down the pine trees around us. We used our "magic color scopes" to find dead trees with brown needles and the trees with green needles that had survived the torrents. We found tiny holes into which pirate mice had fled to escape the arctic breezes of the ocean crossing.

It certainly wasn't the quiet, reflective hiking that I love. But I have to admit - it was fun! And suddenly everyone was happy. No one was cold. No one was tired. No one was grumpy!

I curse myself that on every outing it takes me a good half-hour to remember that all it takes is a little engaging adventure and my happy kid is back. I'll admit, sometimes I don't forget. Sometimes, I'm just tired. It's hard work always thinking one step ahead and creating the next big saga that will grab my kid's attention. Sometimes I just don't want to do it. But I always do because then I remember - that's my job. And I'm good at it.

And when I watch my kid playing with other children and he takes the lead in having an adventure - his friends laughing and playing along as they rush into a burning building or scuba dive in a hidden reef, it makes me happy. Happy that I can feed his imagination so that he can pass on his gift of creativity to someone else.

New Look, New Feel, New Me??

2009-03-01T20:50:00.004-07:00

If you're a longtime reader, you've noticed that I've changed the look of the blog. I've been playing around with some new features. So today's post isn't showing up on the main page. You can visit here to see the new 100 Things About Me page. You'll learn some new things that you might not know. Click here to read it!

Back to regular posting on the main page tomorrow.

It only takes one person to make a difference!

2009-02-27T07:02:00.015-07:00

I've been in web design world recently for my consulting job. I just finished up two different websites for non-profits in the area. It never ceases to amaze me how fortunate I am to know such amazing people and, in turn, get involved with their passion. Passions that are my own as well.

The first is Colorado Kids 1st. My friend Lisa is an emergency room physician and has a Masters in Public Health. Several years ago, she combined her interests and founded the Rocky Mountain Research and Prevention Institute to focus on issues of public health and safety in Colorado. The pet project of RMRPI for the past 5 years has been the Colorado Kids 1st license plate. If you live in Colorado, particlarly the Denver are, you may have seen this plate around town.

The hands in the middle are actual handprints of Dr. Lisa's three kids. The Kids 1st license plates are Colorado specialty plates. They cost $80 total. $50 of this goes to the Colorado Department of Transportation. This is a standard fee for every specialty plate in Colorado and covers road maintenance costs throughout the state.

The other $30 goes directly to Colorado non-profits whose programming supports child health and safety. Colorado Kids 1st accepts grant applications from any non-profit whose mission qualifies. I have to tell you, we've given out almost $20,000 in just the 6 months that I've been involved.

The stories are amazing. Money to the Anchor Center for Blind Children in Denver. The Anchor Center helps blind children with life skills that will help them to become independent adults - namely learning to walk in a world that they can't see. Money to the Gabby Krause Foundation. GKF gives "Bags of Joy" to kids suffering from pediatric cancer. These include games to keep them occupied during the endless hours spent in the hospital. Money for toothbrushes and thermometers for homeless mothers to give their children. Money for free carseats to underprivileged familes. Money to the Second Wind Fund who works to provide free counseling services to Colorado teenagers deemed at risk for suicide. The list goes one and on.

The Kids 1st plate is available all over the state of Colorado, and Lisa has been working to ensure that this direct funding program continues. We all know that the non-profit world is tiring - never enough resources, never enough volunteer hours, never enough staffing. But Lisa is tireless. I come home from meetings with her feeling like anything is possible!

Lisa has a quote by that she lives by. It, and she, inspire me everyday!

"Never doubt that a small group of individuals can change the world. In fact, it's the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead.

Want to find out more about Colorado Kids 1st, visit their website here.

10-4, Good Buddy!

2009-02-25T09:30:00.004-07:00

We had a playdate with one of Alex's friends from preschool today. As the kids were playing, Alex's friend wedged herself into a 25-gallon Rubbermaid storage box. Alex continued to stack cardboard bricks up beside her, all the while talking about building a bridge over his friend's head. Meanwhile, the friend kept glancing below her into the container and talking to people named Harry and Temp. Her mom informed me in that Harry Potter and Templeton the Rat (from Charlottes Web) are her imaginary friends.

This led to a discussion about those crazy specters who accompanied many of us throughout our childhood years. So far, it doesn't appear that Alex has any imaginary friends. He is incredibly creative when it comes to imaginary play, but doesn't seem to have one consistent invisible buddy by his side when he "puts out the fire on Broadway" or "climbs to the poop deck of the pirate ship." And Ben doesn't seem to need an invisible friend yet, given the constant companionship of his older brother.

My niece, on the other hand, has thousands of invisible friends. The central character in her adventures is a microscopic cat named "Tiny Shadow Kitty." TSK has been a trusty cohort for many mishaps and escapades in my niece's short life. Over time, TSK popped out some kittens or found some friends, because now my niece enjoys telling me about the complicated genealogy of TSK's even shorter life.

I, too, had an invisible friend as a kid. Mine wasn't a furry creature or a magical young boy, however. At the age of four, my invisible friend was a 14-year old boyfriend named Tracker. And Tracker was a semi-truck driver. I used to put on a blue and red striped dress that came down to my toes. With my Big Bird houseslippers peeking out from under that dress, I communicated with Tracker on a plastic CB radio as he drove his rig to my house for our dates.

I don't think that Tracker and I ever officially went out on a date. All of my time was spent preparing for the date and talking to him as he was en route. We had longing conversations about his latest cross-country haul and the adventures we would have once he finally made it to my driveway. I guess even then, the anticipation was part of the fun.

1978 must have been a big year for truckers, because I distinctly remember the series of events that led to the creation of Tracker. First off, there was a television show that premiered that year called "BJ and the Bear." I have vague memories of the show, but according to IMDB.com, the show was about "B.J. McKay, a guitar-playing independent trucker who travels with a fun-loving chimpanzee, named Bear, and finds himself caught up with a bunch of young women trying to flee a white slaver who happens to be the local sheriff."

I'm slightly appalled that at tender age of four, I watched this show - given the whole young women, white slaver aspects. But all that I remember is how cool I thought it was that BJ got to drive around in a truck...that had a bed in the cab...with a chimpanzee. In all of our torrid CB communication, I never confirmed that Tracker had a chimpanzee, but let's be honest, I don't think I would have been dating him if he didn't. The lack of a chimpanzee can definitely be a dating dealbreaker!

We also had an amazing, albeit little known board game, called "10-Four, Good Buddy" made by Parker Brothers. I'm guessing this game wasn't around for long, but it was the source of the black plastic CB radio that was the lifeline to my boyfriend.

The game also came with a CB slang list. My older brother and I would pour over this for hours memorizing phrases like, "Bit on the seat of his britches" (Got tagged for a speeding ticket) and "Eighty-eight’s around the house" (Good luck and best wishes to you and yours.). You can imagine how colorful our dinnertime conversation was when my brother and I would break into our trucker talk.

Needless to say, Tracker eventually went the way of all other imaginary friends - back to the plane of consciousness where they meet and greet and wait to be claimed in some form by another kid looking for companionship. I've always hoped that some other kid latched onto Tracker and actually got to see that big rig and meet the chimpanzee. If not, I'm sure Tracker's hanging out in Imaginary Friend Heaven with Tiny Shadow Kitty, watching over me and sending out eighty-eights to all.

Lie to me...I promise I'll believe you!

2009-02-23T14:31:00.013-07:00

Becoming a mom has made me a better person in so many ways...except one. I've never been a big liar in my life - sure a few white ones here and there, but nothing extreme. I'm a writer, so I've always been able to spin a good yarn. But now that I'm a mom, I find things flying out of my mouth before I even think about them. Things that aren't hurtful or in any way going to scar my children, but things that are simply not true.

Case #1: We try to avoid giving our kids excessive amounts of sweets. Sure a piece of cake at a birthday party or the random cookie here and there, but by and large, we don't shovel sweets into our kids. I, on the other hand, am another story. I'm a huge chocoholic and it seems to have gotten worse since I've had kids. Chocolate is my stress food, and I must be a heck of a lot more stressed because I find myself turning to it regularly since we entered the terrible twos and the thankless threes and the f***ing fours (at least that's how my sister-in-law refers to them!)

In a moment of desperation, I'll whip out a bag of chocolate chips from the baking drawer and shovel them in by the handful. One night, my oldest son asked if he could have one. Without blinking an eye, I replied,

"Oh, honey. You wouldn't like these. They're mommy's SPICY drops."

I don't know where it came from, just bubbled up and poured out of my mouth. And henceforth, Nestle Tollhouse morsels have lovingly been referred to as Mommy's Spicy Drops. Alex will even say to Ben. "You won't like those. They're spicy!"

Case #2: My niece was visiting for a week last Christmas. She was running a fever while here and her mom was trying to get her to take some medicine. It was fairly benign stuff as far as medicine goes (probably Children's Tylenol), but my niece hated the taste. Her mother had tried everything. I finally told my niece that when medicine is exposed to air, the taste starts to change. The longer she waited, the worse the medicine would be going down. With that she promptly picked up the medicine cup and chugged the offensive liquid.

I, on the other hand, had to pause momentarily and take stock of the lies flying out of my mouth. Where do these things come from?

Case #3: Yesterday, I had my boys at the grocery store. Ben was riding in the seat at the top of the cart, and Alex insisted on walking. He was dawdling along and kept veering in front of the cart. Thoroughly afraid that I would squash my son's toes flat, I bit my tongue and reminded myself he needs his independence. Once I've warned him, he needs to learn for himself that the grocery cart will not feel good ramming into the back of his head.

We hit the dairy section and he started complaining that he was cold. This was my chance. Without thinking I said,

"You should get in the cart. There's a heater in there that will warm you right up."

Alex questioned. "Really?"

"Absolutely. It is so much warmer in the cart with the magic heater."

Now, once I threw the word "magic" into the sentence, Alex knew that this was a good natured story. The woman next to me near the cheese case looked appalled, however. She glared at me, as if to say, "How could you blatantly lie to your child like that?" Obviously, this woman has never had children and did not understand the things one will say in moments of mommy desperation.

After much thought I've decided that calling this behavior "creative parenting" rather than "lying" will assuage my guilt. I also think I've determined how these dishonest impulses made their way into my being. This is all the fault of my dear, beloved BROTHER.

Growing up, my brother would tell me entirely unbelievable things on a daily basis. I won't chalk it up to "creative brothering" as much as "mischievous brothering." He wanted to see how much he could get away with. How many crazy things he could get his sister, four years younger and four years dumber, to repeat as gospel. Would you like some examples?

Until I reached driving age, and was forced to learn the ins and out of my own car, I wholeheartedly believed that the black lines that run across the back windshield of a car (known lovingly as defrosting wires) were to deflect lightning should it hit my car. During one of our endless Griswold-driving vacations, he convinced me that should we ever get caught in a catastrophic rainstorm, those lines would act like a lightening rod, protecting our car from the ravages of airborn electricity.

We grew up in the Chicago area, and spent A LOT of time entertaining ourselves in the backseat, as our family traveled on various toll roads throughout the state. In Illinois, the road department creates rumble strips about 1/2 mile before the toll plazas to warn drivers that a toll booth is approaching. The sound of those rumble strips buzzing beneath our car and my mom saying, "Open my wallet and find me another quarter," could be part of a soundtrack to my childhood. One day in a moment of boredom, my brother convinced me that the rumble strips were for blind drivers who couldn't see the toll booth approaching. Blind drivers? Yes. The sad part, is that I didn't question, or even think twice about the concept of a visually-impaired driver until much later in life.

This trip down memory lane has convinced me of one thing. When Alex is 16 and tells his first girlfriend that he can't eat her chocolate-chip cookies because he doesn't like spicy drops. He will come home utterly confused because his girlfriend thinks he's a freak. It will not be his mother, who suffers from a mild form of Dishonesty Tourettes, to blame. I'll simply smile, throw a handful of Spicy Drops in my mouth and say, "Go talk to your Uncle Mark."

Oh, Captain! My Captain!

2009-02-22T07:35:00.018-07:00

My oldest son always wants to be the leader - a typical first-born, Type A personality. He is the fire chief, the "space man captain," the leader of the pirate ship. He makes his younger brother play Wendy so that he can be Bob.

Even in his imaginative play, he is always the person taking care of others. When teaching his younger brother to scuba dive in Hawaii-connect (he forcefully told me that this was not Hawaii, when I corrected him, but a small island off the coast of Hawaii called "Hawaii-connect"! Who taught this 3 1/2 year old to read a map?), he is the one checking the air tanks and making sure the helmets are strapped and walkie-talkies are operating correctly for undersea communication. Don't you wish your real-life adventures were half as exciting as his pretend ones?

Last night, we saw the nuturer in action in a way that filled my heart with pride but also left me with that gasping for breath feeling of helplessness.

We finally got the boys to bed. On hockey nights in our house, it always takes awhile to get the boys settled down - especially my husband, but that's another story. My husband and I decided to get in the hot tub to check out the stars. Just to set the stage, the hot tub is on our deck which connects to my husband's office. A mere 20 steps or so from my oldest son's bedroom.

We usually wait to ensure that both boys are asleep (my oldest is infamous for getting out of bed 2-3 times before officially giving up the fight and going to sleep). After his second visit to Kevin's office for just one more hug, I ushered "The Captain" back to bed and was sure that he was down for the night.

I jumped in the hot tub, and an hour or so later we made our way back into the house. Our first clue that something was wrong was Alex's door standing wide open and his light turned on. I ran down the hall and found an empty bedroom. We bolted up the stairs and found the door to my youngest son's room standing wide open with the light on as well. Ben was standing up in his crib and Alex was sitting on the rocking chair reading calmly to his brother from an Elmo and Zoe book.

They both appeared to be content (save the fact that it was 10:30 p.m. and Ben was bleary eyed from having been awakened by his older - more antsy - brother). But as soon as I spoke, Alex's eyes welled up with tears, and he exploded into body-shaking sobs. Once Alex lost it, Ben's face changed to a terrified look, and he started sobbing as well. My husband and I each grabbed a kid to console. I took the older one since he seems to need me more in moments of despair.

"I couldn't find you."

"Honey, we were in the hot tub. I'm sorry you couldn't find me."

"I wanted to give you one more hug. I just didn't look in the right place. I didn't have my firefighter flashlight. I read two books to Ben."

"You did? Was he crying?"

"No, he was sleeping. But I went upstairs to check on him because I thought you were gone!"

My heart skipped a beat. GONE! The most terrifying feeling in the world for anyone. I had visions of those news stories where a mom has passed out and the kid dials 9-1-1 and waits for someone to come rescue them. Heaven forbid, we had been gone, Alex would have calmly read the entire Sesame Street chronicles and soothed his brother until daybreak when someone discovered them sitting together, and Alex could finally stop being the caregiver and just be the 3-year old he's meant to be.

When did my kid decide it was his job to be responsible for the world? As I soothed my Little Man and rocked him to sleep, I was filled with such mixed feelings. I know for certain that Ben will have a protective older brother who will always look out for him on the playground. But I also know that my studious, serious boy has inherited from me that caregiving urge to ensure everyone around him is safe and happy. Even if it means masking his own middle-of-the-night worries with the words of Elmo.

Alumen, Aluminis, Alum: The Wave of the Future

2009-02-19T16:12:00.013-07:00

Aluminum foil. What would we do without it? I was driving Alex to school the other day and listening to my favorite Denver morning show, Dom and Jane in the Morning. They started talking about aluminum foil, and I learned something that has changed my life!

How long have I been using aluminum foil? 30-plus years. How many times has the roll tumbled out of the box as I'm trying to pull out the right sized sheet? At least 300-400 times. Go grab your box of aluminum foil and take a look at the end. Do you see that little perforated part that says, "Press Tab To Hold Roll"? Go ahead, push that in on both ends. Voila, your roll is locked in place. It still spins so as to allow proper pulling form, but that roll isn't going anywhere!

Am I the only one that didn't know about this, people? Obviously not if they're talking about it on the radio. But it has changed my life. I ran home and started pushing in those little devils on all of my boxed products: Saran Wrap, Aluminum Foil, Cling Wrap. And don't worry if you don't see the "Press Tab" instructions. Even the generic versions have the tabs, they just don't spell out how to use them.

While I was searching online for an aluminum foil pictures, I stumbled across this site for the Aluminum Foil Deflective Beanie. An AFDB is "is a type of headwear that can shield your brain from most electromagnetic psychotronic mind control carriers." These people seem pretty serious about this! I think this could help in several areas of my life right now.

First off, ever since the ski resorts introduced their state-of-the-art radio frequency technology for scanning ski passes, I've been thinking a lot more about the crazy amounts of waves that travel through my body every day. "What do you want to about this?" asked Kevin, when I mentioned my thoughts as we rode up the ski lift. "I'm not sure. I just don't think it can be healthy."

I now have the solution. I'll create an AFD Ski Helmet. I'm sure there's a huge market out there. Don't you think? If nothing else, it'll keep all those mind readers who are frequently Vail from stealing my invention before the patent is approved.

One more fun tip that I didn't know: To prevent static electricity in your clothing, throw a small crumpled up ball of foil into your dryer.

Is that my uterus in that Taurus?

2009-02-18T15:29:00.026-07:00

The time has finally come. After 18 months of reflection, it wouldn't be fair if Ben didn't get a play-by-play birth story just like Alex did here. I needed quite a bit more time to wade through the post-traumatic shock of Ben's birth. Thus, the reason it's taken a year-and-a-half to write it.

June 9ish, 2007: My last appointment with the world's best OB/GYN ever, Cristee Offerdahl. For more details on Cristee, you can check out Alex's birth story. Cristee is pregnant with her own child and delivered a few weeks before my due date. We have introductions with one of her partners who will take over my care while Cristee is away. I like him and feel comfortable about the fact that he'll be doing the important stuff.

It's a tough week following the appointment. This second pregnancy has gone smoothly, but I've been much more emotional and much more uncomfortable this time around. Maybe it was the way it kicked off with a bang - 14 weeks of morning sickness. Scratch that - all-day, round the clock sickness. I couldn't even pick up a copy of Gourmet magazine without running for the toilet. Those 14 weeks set the tone for a long 40 weeks ahead.

And if it is possible, this baby is even more active than Alex was. He must be practicing Tae-Bo or in training to be a young David Beckham in there. And true to form (like his mother and his brother) he has body-wrenching hiccups - A LOT! You can actually see my belly jump in rhythmic movements when his hiccups start. But I only have three more weeks according to my due date, so I can make it, right?

June 16, 2009: My second appt with Cristee's partner. Pretty routine. He checks and I'm 2 cm dilated and about 75% effaced. That makes me feel good, that we've had some progress. I've been spending my sleepless nights on a forum called Mothering.com. I don't know why reading about other people's birth stories and about their crazy rashes or weird cravings is comforting, but it is. I guess it makes me feel like I'm not the only one in the world going out of my mind with impatience.

The other reason I chose this forum is that I've decided to attempt to have this baby without the drugs. You will remember from the birth of my first son, I loved the drugs. The epidural was a happy thing. But, I started taking a pre-natal yoga class during this pregnancy. My instructor keeps talking about breathing and focus and ohms and the white light to help you through child birth naturally. I've never liked the idea of drugs anyway (my body doesn't react well to them) so I'm easily swayed by this line of thought. I told Kevin that I wanted to try it without the drugs, but would feel no shame or disappointment if I changed my mind mid-stream. In retrospect, people, be careful what you wish for!

June 17, 2009: We're taking a tour of the birthing section of the hospital. This is a different hospital than the one where I had Alex, so we wanted to get the lay of the land. The birthing rooms are amazing with jetted hot tubs and CD players for music. It literally looks like a spa. There are even leaf patterns stamped into the ceiling's acoustical tiles. Something about a focal point during labor. Hmm...maybe that will come in handy later.

There's only one small glitch in the tour. Being that this is a new birthing wing, they have these rooms called the triage rooms. They inform us that many mothers get to the hospital long before they are actually in full-blown labor. Looking back, that was definitely the case with me for Alex's birth. So women who aren't ready to have their own L&D room can hang out in the triage rooms...with other laboring women. The first thing that I tell Kevin when we leave the hospital is that I have NO intention of hanging out with a bunch of other pregnant women who might be in labor. I'm fat and grouchy and uncomfortable enough...no need to share the love with others! A word to the wise, please be careful when you say, "I'm waiting until I'm absolutely positive that I'm in labor before we go to the hospital so that I don't have to hang out in the Birthing Purgatory."

June 20, 2009: Another appt. with the doctor. Things look good. A little more dilated, a little more effaced.

"This would be a good weekend to have a baby. I'm on call," he says.

Point taken. I'll be sure to ring down to my uterus and make sure the baby knows he has a 48 hour window during which he needs to hurry up and get busy, otherwise we may have someone we don't know delivering him. I know that there are hundreds of women every day who have doctors that they don't know deliver their babies. But, over the years I've learned that when in stressful situations (like childbirth), I prefer the comforting face of someone that I already know. I'm not that comfortable with strangers getting all up in that bid-ness.

June 20 (later in the day): I've been reading a lot on the mothering forum about natural ways to start childbirth. If we're really going to get this party started this weekend, I better start trying some of these things. I go to the store and buy an entire pineapple. I eat 3/4 of it in one sitting. Something about the enzymes in fresh pineapple is supposed to kickstart things. I drink a cup of raspberry leaf tea. I attempt this crazy acupuncture ankle massage that I found online. Hmm..not much going on. I tend to have Braxton-Hicks contractions for the last four weeks of my pregnancies, so I don't get too excited about twinges here and there - knowing that most likely after a big glass of water or lying down, things will calm down in there.

June 21, 2009: My mom calls with a question, "If you're already 85% effaced and only a couple of centimeters dilated, what happens when you start to dilate?"

I have to mumble a little bit because my mouth is now coated with crazy sores from ingesting pineapple for 3 straight hours yesterday. My smart-ass response, "I guess the baby just falls right out!" Again, a warning for all of you sarcastic know-it-alls out there, the Gods of Irony might be listening!

June 22, 2009: I spent today packing for the hospital They always tell you to be prepared, and if my Morse Code tapping is doing any good at all, the baby knows that he needs to vacate the property this weekend. The thing I'm most excited about this time around? The CD player. I can't wait to hang out in the jetted tub listening to CDs and trying to reach my Zen-like place. I have a whole CD case filled with Sarah McLachlan if I'm feeling like singing, Yo-Yo Ma if I want some peaceful cello music. Even a little Bob Marley is we need to feel a little laid back. I'm ready to face this natural child birth head on.

I go to sleep around 10:30 tonight. Once again, saying a prayer to any God that I've ever believed in to help with getting labor started. But, I'm not hopeful. We've had countless nights of false starts this week.

1:00 a.m.: I am awakened by what feels like a contraction. Hmmm...this could be something. But don't get excited. Go back to sleep.

1:20 a.m.: Hmmm...there's another one.

1:40 a.m.: Another one. This could be good. Oh wait, it's time for the concretized intestines to start emptying. To keep it clean and brief, for those of you who don't know, many women in labor need to "clean out their" systems before delivering. There are many weeks of food stuffed into a very tiny place between your stomach and the baby. You can read more about this process during pregnancy #1 here.

No one warned us about this during pregnancy #1, so in spite of the fact that we were safely at the hospital, the whole Potty Parade (PP) freaked both Kevin and I out a little bit. We had heard that second deliveries are usually a bit faster, so I joked when I got pregnant the second time, "Maybe we should take a pot in the car. I don't know what we would do if the Potty Parade kicked in while we were in route to the hospital."

2:00 a.m.: Still having the contractions and still on the Flushing Float of the PP!

2:30 a.m.: Now the contractions are coming much closer together. Kevin decides to jump in the shower to wake himself up for the drive to the hospital. We start timing the contractions. They're still 6 minutes apart, and you're not even supposed to call until they are 4 minutes apart. In retrospect, maybe they should change this 4 minute scale so that there are urban estimates and rural estimates. Had we been using the Rural Contraction Scale, perhaps things would have been different. But the contractions are strong enough, I suggest we call my mom to come over and call the doctor to see if we should head for the hospital.

My mom zips over and I get the doctor on the line. He says, "Come on down the hill and drive safely. See you soon!" The contractions are bringing me to my knees at this point. Once I've worked through one, I can continue grabbing bags and giving my mom instructions about Alex's breakfast, etc., until the next one.

The last thing that my mom says to me before we head out the door is, "Are you going to make it to the hospital?" What? Of course I'm going to make it to the hospital. This is just the beginning of blissful hours of a meditative state, you silly woman!

3:20ish a.m.: We hop in the car with one stop in the driveway for a contraction, and we're off. Now, let me paint the picture. I'm in the front seat, with my seatbelt on and my maternity jeans, and flip flops. It was at this point that I realized that perhaps two people live inside my head. The next 40 minutes were narrated by not one, but two voices, inside of me.

Voice #1: "I can't believe this is actually going to happen today. It's been such a long 39 weeks. Let's go."
Voice #2: "Holy crap! Kevin, you need to get moving. This really hurts - like nothing I've ever experienced."
Voice #3: (The out-loud voice that Kevin could actually hear) "Moan, groan, moan, groan. Moan, groan."

The minute the car starts moving, the contractions start coming one on top of the other.
V#1: "I thought there was supposed to be a break in between. They always tell you there's a break in between. Just focus on your breathing."
V#2: "Breathing...what breathing? I can't breathe at all. There's no time for breathing."
V#3: (The out-loud voice that Kevin could actually hear) "Arrgggh. Uggh! Please make the car stop bumping."

At this point, I close my eyes. I feel like if I can focus all of my energy on getting through the pain, I'll be okay until we reach the hospital and I can get the epidural. Somewhere around the US-285 and C-470 exit ramp, I start to get a little overwhelmed with the pain. My eyes shoot open desperately hoping that we've made it farther than we have.

V#1: "Don't forget your focal point. That should help. No autumn leaves on the ceiling. Maybe you can use the digital clock on the dashboard. Squint your eyes and focus on that."
V#2:"Natural childbirth? Hah! Where's the epidural when you need it? And that light on the dashboard? Yeah, you try focusing on it when you're writhing in pain."
V#3: Too loud to describe

I remember something that I've been reading on the mothering forum. It's something called the birthing song. You're supposed to just let go and vocalize. It helps the pain to verbalize. Now I'm balancing with my feet in the footwell and my elbow up on the console in between the front seats (i.e., with my mouth as close to Kevin's ear as it can possibly get).
V#1: Okay, I know you're not a big screamer, but let's try out that birthing song thing. That might help.
V#2: Here's goes. Moooooooooo-muahhhhhhhhmoooooooh!
V#1: Wow, that's really loud. Maybe that's hurting Kevin's ears. Maybe you should stop.
V#2: Stop? I just got started. Screw Kevin's ears.

The noise that came out of my body can only be described as something emanating from a Godzilla-sized Holstein who hasn't been milked in 36 days. I wouldn't call it anything resembling a song, that's for sure. But, I have to admit lowing like a cow really did seem to help for a few minutes.

I'd like to take a short break to discuss the inadequacies of the Ford Taurus. Most cars made after the year 2000 (this particular car being a 2005) were made with something lovingly called Oh-Shhhh-ugar handles. Those flip down handles immediately above the passenger seat that you grab white-knuckled when your husband takes an exit ramp at 60 miles an hour. However, the Ford Taurus does not have a passenger seat OS handle. Kevin has one above his seat, but he's not the one who needed it. Although he was saying Oh-Shhhugar at various points throughout this process. If the Ford Taurus had one of the aforementioned handles, my loving husband would still have an intact right eardrum today.

3:50ish a.m.: We've made it onto I-70 (the busiest highway in America). We're driving 85. I keep looking at the speedometer.
V#1: Please don't drive too fast, we'll crash!
V#2: My God, man! Can't you make this thing go any faster?
V#3: Still lowing like a Guernsey.

If you've been paying attention, you might remember an earlier comment that I made rather offhandedly about a pot? I start to feel this unbelievable pressure as if we might be needing that pot. You get my drift. I even remember saying to Kevin, "Maybe would should have brought the pot."

I reach down into my maternity jeans. Let's be honest, this is not one of my finest moments in life, but I've told the story so many times, I'm sort of over the embarrassment of it all. I don't know what I would have done had the Potty Patrol been visiting. I think it's a once in a lifetime experience to think that you're going to be catching your own Shhh-ugar! Thank goodness (and unfortunately, all at the same time) there was no need for the pot. What did I feel when I reached into my jeans? That's right...a head.

V#3: OMG, I feel a head.
Kevin: A what?
V#3: A head!!!
Kevin: Don't push!! Please don't push!

Kevin pulls out his cell phone to call 9-1-1. You're probably asking yourself why we didn't do this sooner. In spite of all of the pain, I never once dreamed that I would be having this baby in the car. There was one point when Kevin said, "Only 11 more miles on the highway." And I said, "I can't make it 11 miles." But I meant, I can't stand the pain for 11 more miles. I did not mean, the baby won't wait 11 more miles!

Things start to move really quickly at this point. Kevin gets the 9-1-1 operator on the phone who immediately connects him with an EMT. Now the conversation becomes the standard stuff that you always hear in the movies, but never think happens in real life. "My wife is having a baby in the car., we're on the highway, heading to the airport."

What, the airport? That part doesn't happen in the movies. Yes, he did tell them that we were going to the airport. I think in all the confusion, "hospital" became "airport." The EMT thought that Kevin was crazy taking his 9 month pregnant wife to the airport. Kevin was instructed to get his shoelace out of his shoe so that he could tie off the cord. I don't think that the EMT realized that we were still driving. Kevin is driving, holding the phone and trying to untie his running shoes.

Meanwhile, the voices were back.
V#1: I remember reading something on the Mothering forum about pushing against the pain. Maybe if I push the pain will stop. Wait, no. Maybe pushing isn't a good idea.
V#2: Sounds good to me. Anything to make this firey pain stop.
Kevin: No pushing!!!!!
V#3: I'm pushing!!!

Kevin says that from the time he looked over his right shoulder to make sure he wouldn't hit anyone in the right lane as we tried to exit the highway, to the time he looked back toward the road, I already had the baby on my chest.

The pushing was very nice. All I could think was that it would make the pain stop. And it did make it feel better. But, it also makes babies come out. Funny how that works.

I reached down and just grabbed him. He was slippery and warm and silent. I pulled him immediately up to my chest so that I could see his face. He was breathing but still silent. So I reached into his mouth with my pinky finger and and swiped out a mouthful of gunk. He cried. Just once, but he cried. I felt better. Terrified, but better.

I'm not sure how on earth I thought to swipe out my baby's mouth, but not wrap him up in anything. Thanks goodness it was June, or his temperature would have dropped even more than it did.

We exited I-70 almost immediately after he came out.
V#1: I can't believe I'm carrying this baby without a carseat.
I kid you not! I'm such a safety girl. I'm holding a 30-second old baby that is still attached to me, and all I can think about is carseats! What is wrong with me?

We pulled into a gas station right off the exit ramp and two ambulances and a hook-and-ladder fire truck pulled up within seconds. They took the baby from me and cut the cord. Kevin was relieved that his shoelace didn't need to come into play. And then they started carrying my newborn to an ambulance. Another paramedic helped me out of the car. Another picture? Not a pretty one...my lily white behind is hanging out for all to see (jeans around my ankles) in the Conoco parking lot. At this point, there's no modesty left in life. I traipsed over to the ambulance, climbed up on the gurney and they lifted me into the ambulance.

I remember telling Kevin to get my shoes (there was a distinct moment, right about the time that V#1 was saying, "Oh that must be the water breaking because I don't think that's happened yet." that my flip-flops started bothering me.) I was frantically kicking to get them off of my feet. I also told him to grab my purse. We all loaded up into the ambulance and it was off to the hospital.

As with Alex's birth story, I'll spare the rest of the boring and messy details. The bottom line was the baby was fine, I was fine and Kevin was fine. The car? Well, that was another story. We had to find a Haz-Mat cleaning service to get my husband's COMPANY CAR cleaned the next day. And my unbelievable bundle latched on and started nursing right away. He didn't stop the whole way to the hospital.

The hospital? Well no need for that. We did get a good breakfast and a nice spa-like room for the rest of the day.

Why do I keep calling him, "the baby?" We are notoriously bad at naming our children. Maybe it's the procrastination gene in both of us, but we didn't name either of our children until the birth-certificate woman showed up to fill out the forms. We had lots of suggestions after the fact: Conoco, Taurus. One friend even suggested Carson (get it? Car-son), but we decided on a more traditional name like Benjamin. His initials are B-A-M, which seems rather fitting.

And Ben has continued to be a BAM sort of kid throughout his first 18 mos. He is sweeter and happier AND more sad than most kids that I know. He just feels everything more deeply. He wants it when he wants it - even when it comes to life in the outside world. And I absolutely can't get enough of him! My little car-son. Now do you understand why we're finished having kids?

Saving the World: Finding Myself

2009-02-17T22:08:00.011-07:00

I just finished reading "Saving the World" by Julia Alvarez. It was a well-written and interesting book. I especially liked the juxtaposition of the 1800s heroine, Isabel, and the modern-day heroine, Alma.

A book review is not what this blog post is about, however. At the end of the novel I found myself bawling. I won't go into the details of the plot because I don't want to ruin anything for the would-be reader, but suffice to say, something sad happens.

Although the subject matter was sad, I couldn't figure out why I was crying like a baby. And then it hit me - this has been happening A LOT lately. I've been crying about things that I never would have cried over in the past.

I'm not feeling sad right now. I'm not feeling depressed right now. But I am feeling different.

During our college years, my best friend and I used to talk about how lucky we were that in spite of a few majors hiccups in our lives, we'd never had a bring-you-to-your-knees, uncontrollable-weeping experience. And believe me, there have been several instances in my life that would have qualified as such, but I never found myself actually doing the bawling. Crying? Yes. Gut wrenching hurt in the depths of my soul so that I truly felt like life couldn't go on? Never.

And then I had kids. Two beautiful, stubborn, hilarious, amazing kids. The day my first son came swimming out of me, my heart followed right along with him. Instead of being stashed safely away inside the confines of my chest, my heart found its way out into the light of day. The result? I feel everything more deeply. My pulse beats a little closer to the surface now.

It sounds cliche, but becoming a mother made me more alive. Experiencing life (both the good and the bad) through these eyes:

as well as my own, has made everything so much brighter and sadder and richer.

Don't get me wrong, it's not the greatest thing when I find myself tearing up at something as cheesy as "I can be your hero, baby" by Enrique Iglesias. No joke, it happened one day in my car. I looked around to make sure no one else was in the car to make fun me and then switched the radio station as fast as I could.

But on the flip-side, when I find myself tearing up while decorating the Christmas tree, I'm okay with that. One of my happiest memories of the 2008? Sitting on the couch with both of my kiddos while we watched my husband hang the bow on the top of our tree. It was warm; it was exciting because my kids knew Santa Claus was coming. It was, in its own small way, the finding of myself.

I waited for 30 years of my life, knowing that I wanted to be a mother. And when I became one, everything else fell into place. The joy that I felt sitting on the couch, ushering these two little guys into a quiet Christmas eve, was overwhelming.

And now, everything is different. My hearts sits in the palm of my hand for everyone to see. I have to protect it more fiercely now, but I also open it more freely. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

You Can't Beat the Views

2009-02-16T13:48:00.012-07:00

I've been caught up in workout land for the past three or four days, so haven't been blogging on this site. Let me just say, as an aside, I haven't worked this hard in years. This P90X thing is kicking my behind. Yesterday was 90 minutes of Yoga (supposed to be an easier day). I did poses that I didn't even know my body was capable of doing. And if I could figure out how, I think I would do yoga everyday. Even in the midst of two boys yelling at each other and even bonking each other on the head with toys, I managed to reach a semi-peaceful state of mind.

On to other news. There have been a lot of discussions with friends and with my husband recently about the "perfect place." What is the perfect place to live? Why do we make the choices that we do? We've chosen Colorado for the amazing quality of life: the skiing, the 300 days of sunshine a year, the fact that our kids can grow up climbing rocks and seeing elk every day. The list goes on and on.

When we're really honest though, we didn't choose Colorado for the social life. 90 percent of our friends and family live in the Midwest. That's not to say that we haven't made friends (even some pretty good ones) since moving to Colorado. But if we were really choosing a place to have an active social life and daily heartfelt connections with our dearest friends, it wouldn't be Colorado.

So, every so often, we question. Is this the right place? Would we be happier somewhere closer to our dearest friends. But then I have a day like today. There are moments that come out of the blue when I'm driving down the road, and the place in which I live literally takes my breath away. This is what I see when I look out my living room window in the morning. No houses, no road noise. Just a couple of horses snorting around looking for some fresh wintertime grass.

And this is what I see when I visit our public library:

Yes, those are elk. That little sign that you see on the right side of the photo is the "Welcome to the Evergreen Library" sign. That sidewalk ramp that mama elk is tromping up is the very same sidewalk ramp that I will use to get into the library.

And this is the view from the playground where my kids will go to elementary school.

What more can I say? Colorado (especially where we live) is big and bold and beautiful. It makes me feel alive. Like I can breathe a little easier and step a little lighter. My spirit is rejuvenated daily by our surroundings. Even though some days, I'd like my spirits rejuvenated by my best friends living just down the road, I know that will come with time. For now, we're in the "perfect" place - mentally, as well as geographically.

Another Blog?

2009-02-10T14:50:00.005-07:00

I know, I know. I took a two year break from blogging. Where do I get off thinking I can have two blogs when I couldn't even keep up with one? I've started another one because I'm attempting to complete this crazy exercise program. Some of my loyal Lunacy readers would like to be spared the details of how many lat pulls I complete on a daily basis. So, if you're really interested in my new fad exercise program progress, you can check out my second blog here:

http://p90xround1.blogspot.com/

Otherwise, stay tuned here for regular life updates. Thanks for reading.

Cover your ears!

2009-02-09T16:02:00.006-07:00

I was at the grocery store this morning with both of the boys in tow. Two little heads poking out of the Mack truck-sized race car grocery cart that was invented by someone who thought it would be fun for kids, but never took the opportunity to test drive his invention between shopping displays and in the maze that is the produce section.

If I didn't know better, I'd swear that my kids have a secret pact. To convince anyone in public, particularly at the grocery store, that I'm teaching them to say appalling things.

The first of many of these occurrences was when Alex was about 18 months old. He loved eating Saltine crackers (such a quality diet we provide at our house!), but he couldn't say the word. Every time we got to the checkout line Alex would yell in the loudest voice possible,

"Mommy, cockers. Cocks, cockers, big cocks, Mommy!"

I kid you not. How do you explain this to the general public. And why did he have to add the "big" part? I didn't add that for comic effect. Alex has always been convinced that he must receive the biggest portion of something possible. Not little, big apples, Mommy. Not slices, big strawberries, Mommy. And yes, Big Cockers, too.

In 2008, I read a great article about biodegradable products for Easter baskets. In an ongoing effort to support my eco-friendly and slightly eco-crazy husband, I bought a bag of Pirate Booty to use in place of cellophane Easter grass at the bottom of the baskets. If you haven't had it, Pirate Booty looks (and tastes) similar to those biodegradable packing peanuts made with corn starch. The only difference is that they throw on a little green powdery stuff that is supposedly made from kelp and spinach to make it more palatable.

The boys loved the stuff. Especially Ben. He scarfed it down and we were buying Pirate Booty for weeks. The same week, however, Alex had his three year check-up at the pediatrician. The nurse asked him if he got anything from the Easter Bunny. Alex very simply replied,

"Oh, not much. Just booty!"

The nurse loooked at me like my son had just stepped out of the junior version of MTVs "Cribs." "Oh not much, just some fine weed and some late night booty." Booty (and all of its rich meanings) is a hard word to explain to a 3 year old...and to a pediatric nurse!

Today, the linguistic monsters struck again. Ben has two recent favorites in life: applesauce and Bob the Builder. Both pretty benign, right? Wrong.

Once again, at the grocery store, as we're passing through the canned fruits section, Ben starts screaming for:

"Ass-elsauce! Ass-elsauce!"

Now at least that one, within the context of the canned fruit aisle, is understandable. The asselsauce rant didn't turn too many heads. Then again, there aren't that many people buying fruit cocktail at 9:30 on a Monday morning. I drove on, we steered past the batteries with no mishaps. But next to the battery endcap is a section of DVDs. Anytime, Ben sees anything that looks like a DVD box, he starts singing. The Bob the Builder theme song. Repeatedly.

But pronunciation can be challenging for an 18 month old, so Bob the Builder comes out as,

"Bah Da Dildo!"

And Ben, like most Americans when faced with a non-native speaker, believes that if I don't respond the first time he says something, he need only yell his sentiment more loudly and slowly so that I will comprehend.

"Mommy, Baaaaaaah Daaaaah Dildo!"

All heads turned. I had no way to explain that one. I bravely took a step forward, raised my hand and said,

"Hi. I'm the mom. And we love asselsauce and dildos!" I'm afraid to find out what will come out of my children's mouths next.

Operation Pull-Up

2009-02-09T06:40:00.005-07:00

The pull up bar went in last night. I waited anxiously next to Kevin watching his every move while he finished installing the last screws in the door brackets. He finally finished, moved out of the way and I jumped on the bar. I dangled below it with both hands in the right position and...nothing. I mean NOTHING!

I honestly expected that after all of the years that have passed since the stomach-churning anxiety of the annual Presidential Physical Fitness Test, that my arm strength would have improved.

As a brief aside, Ronald Reagan was president when I was a scrawny eighth grader trying to earn that oh-so-coveted, but ridiculously meaningless blue ribbon. I could stretch far beyond my toes; I could run the 600 yard dash like the wind; I could even finish the 982 situps that were required in two timed minutes of hell. But the pull-ups, they were my nemesis. I used to feel physically ill the night before the pull-up test. I would pace and wonder if Ronald Reagan was really capable of doing 5 pull-ups on his government-issued pull-up bar at the White House. And then morning would come, I would head to the gym, jump up to the bar and it was always the same thing.

"Good try. Sorry, maybe next time. You're welcome to do the partial curl-ups."

The partial curl-ups were something that Ronald Reagan invented to embarrass the kids who couldn't do the pull-ups. You stood on a chair, lifted your chin above the bar and the teacher pulled the chair out from under you. The eighth grade version of a hangman's platform. Once the chair was gone, you were supposed to hold the curl as long as you could. No resting your chin on the bar and no dropping. As your arms got more and more weak, you would start to slip down. I remember raising my chin to the ceiling to keep it above the bar as long as possible. I would look to the heavens and pray for just nine more seconds. Ridiculous, I know - I told you I was a perfectionist.

So now here we are 21 years later, and I'm still that kid who wants to win the blue ribbon. Only this time, I'm not pulling-up in front of a cadre of pimply faced kids. I'm standing inside my coat closet (the only place that had a doorframe square enough to mount the bar), staring at the pull-up bar all by myself. And I'll be damned if I'm not going to figure out a way to get one pull-up out of the deal.

Can we do it again? and again?

2009-02-08T15:00:00.007-07:00

Just kidding, that's not Alex!

I took Alex to Echo Mountain Ski Area for his first ski lesson today. Recognizing the hesitancy of our three-and-a-half year old to be more than four bodily inches from his mother (especially when trying anything new), we thought it would be best to enroll him in the Parent and Me intro class.

Throwing him into a frenzied group of squealing four year olds tends to put Alex into a catatonic state. His body is there, but you can almost see his mind try to push itself as far inside his head as possible. His eyes start to glaze in the midst of all of this untamed energy and the mechanism that connects his mouth and his feet to his brain temporarily shuts off. I can see the metaphoric sign dangling from his forehead, "Back in 5 minutes (or whenever these unpredictable little monsters leave the area!)"

Mommy and Me skiing was the best choice ever. Brenda, or Miss B, as she called herself, was a great teacher. At first, I tried to encourage Alex when needed, but I quickly realized that as long as the invisible tether to which I am attached in new situations didn't get longer than about 3 feet, Alex was just fine without me.

Miss B. tuned in immediately to Alex's needs. Lots of encouragement, lots of fun and the ability to drown out the amazing amount of stimulus that surrounded us. At one point, she bent down, grabbed Alex's cheeks gently and said,

"Alex, I know there are a lot of other kids here today, but all you have to do is concentrate on my face."

She turned his head, he focused on her eyes, smiled and skiied down the bunnyhill. I wanted to hug Miss B. and pat her on the back for her insight. This 20-something with the tie-dyed hat and Japanese-anime covered skis actually got my kid!

And Alex had the time of his life. At first, there were a lot of nervous laughs and, "I can't"s. But Miss B. wouldn't hear of it.

"Don't tell me you can't. You just did! And now let's go do it again!"

By the end of the hour, my little man was skiing down the bunnyhill entirely on his own. Even after the lesson was over, he kept asking to ride the Magic Carpet up just one more time, and just one more time again, so that he could ski back down. He can't wait to go again next weekend. What a great introduction to the sport!

A Perfect World of Imperfection

2009-02-07T13:41:00.011-07:00

I've realized something about myself - I'm a perfectionist. Let's step back for a second. I've actually always known this fact. As a kid I spent hours at the piano because if I made even one mistake, I subjected myself to the self-imposed flogging of starting the song over from the beginning again and again until it was perfect. That's a lot of "Mary Had a Little Lamb"s!

What I've realized is that it's tough to be a mom who is a perfectionist. I'm self-aware enough to ensure that I don't subject my kids to the tortorous and often neurotic routines that make up my daily existence. Although my eldest is fairly uptight about making sure his stickers are always placed precisely inside the lines, I think the boys will dodge both therapy and the musical stockade of Faber's Piano Primer. But...I'm not so easy on myself.

Two kids, a miscarriage, a lengthy bout with post-partum depression and several months of therapy helped me realize that sometimes good is good enough in this world. This is the mantra that runs through my head every day. Every day as I'm beating myself up for not getting the toilet cleaned while finishing my weekly column, teaching my oldest to write his name, teaching my youngest to maneuver stairs, cooking dinner and trying to save the world, I say to myself,

"Good is good enough!"

But saying it is one thing, and living by it is quite another. And the hardest part is that the very loud voice that lives inside my head doesn't always believe it.

As a result of this, I have a hard time letting other people in. I know that people love to share other people's problems- there wouldn't be room on the airwaves for 9 million different talk shows if people didn't enjoy reveling in the misery of others. I just don't enjoy subjecting people to mine. Because - and if you've followed the perfectionist line of thinking thus far, this shouldn't come as a surprise - sharing problems is admitting fault. Admitting fault is admitting imperfection.

The craziest part of it all? I don't judge other people for their problems - little or big. And I don't care one lick whether other people perceive me as perfect or not. It's not about some great Wizard of Oz show that I put on for the benefit of others. The smoke and mirrors about the perfection of life is all something that I've created for my own internal judge and jury.

Now, here's the kicker! You can spend an entire life trying to control things. Don't know the material well enough? Study harder! Can't run that race fast enough? Practice longer! You get the point. You can even work pretty hard to ensure that your lovably imperfect husband succumbs to your craziness. Boxers always on the floor? Nag until he picks them up! But throw two kids into the mix. Two living breathing kids who are trying to find their own way and establish their own personalities, and control goes right out the window.

My son is shy and has a hard time making friends? Nothing I can do about it except love and support him. My other son doesn't like to eat and won't gain any weight? Aside from jamming a funnel in his mouth and force feeding him a liquid diet, nothing I can do except offer food and love and hope that it will all work out.

These are not life-marring things. These are not uncommon things. In fact, if you talk to other moms, you'd probably find that these things are more common than not. But once again, here's the problem. Talking about them is admitting something less than perfection to myself. So I don't! I wring my hands, I stew about them, but I don't simply call up a friend and laugh about them. All that worrying is tiring, I know!

So today, I was given a gift. My neighbor called me up. Her son needed a playdate and my neighbor needed a playdate. A playdate to share some of her simply-out-of-her-control mommy issues. And I shared mine, too. You know what? It wasn't that hard. In fact pretty easy. And I'm still here. My very good, but perhaps not perfect, life didn't come tumbling down around me. Today, I remembered that good is good enough. And when I let down my guard long enough to share it with a friend, it might even be great!

The Chocolate Chip Cookie Wars Redux

2009-02-06T15:44:00.007-07:00

Apparently I am not a very good sharer. I've known this most of my life, but the fact was recently reconfirmed for me. When I was little my parents forced me to repeat the phrase, "Take as much as you'd like but leave some for me please," whenever I was forced into a sharing situation. I would sit on my hands and bite my lip to keep from ripping or biting off the hand of the person with whom I was "sharing" my cotton candy or Bubble Yum gum.

My mom would take my brother and me to the grocery store. At the check out we could each choose one type of candy. Mind you, this was a couple of times a year because my parents were huge "healthy choices/no sweets" people. I would scarf down my foot long Tootsie Roll before we made it out of the parking lot. And that was pretty fast, since my mom drove a brick red Camaro.

Don't ask me why. It was 1987. I guess they were cool at the time. To give you a visual, my mother is maybe 4'10" in her tallest shoes. Crusing down the road in her Camaro she looked like a soccer mom attempting the ultimate low-rider maneuver. In reality she had phone books piled up just to see over the steering wheel. From the street, however, you'd swear she had leaned the seat all the way back and was jamming out to Kurtis Blow while waiting to pick me up at school. Now this was pre-hydraulic bounce vehicles. But, dammit, if little Patty could have bounced, she would have. This midguided auto selection unfortunately led to other extremely misguided vehicular choices in my household. It opened the door for my brother to purchase the electric blue Camaro. He drove this automotive blemish until 1998, by which point he had become an ordained minister. I'm sure the first day he pulled into the parking lot of the church in Very Affluent Chicago Suburb with his hoop-ti-mobile and gold chain (thank goodness there were no medallions on the chain), the congregation had to swallow pretty hard. The old folks were probably convinced that the church was part of an urban ministry exchange program. Until they heard my brother speak and realized that he was simply a suburban sheep in wolf's clothing.

But, I digress. I would finish my Tootsie Roll in 11.5 seconds while my brother would save his Kit Kat for days. I swear he had a whole cache of moldy chocolate bars in his dresser drawer just to drive me crazy. And it did. He would pull out his Kit Kat five days after the grocery run and I would have nothing. Can't you just hear me now?

"Mom, make him give me some!"

Yes, I was a little brat. But usually my mom would make him because I was a completely spoiled second child. And thus, my definition of sharing was born: 1.5 for me and .5 for you is fair and equal sharing.

By this point, you should notice a trend. Most of my sharing "episodes" happen with food. Yes, I love food.

Kevin tells people,"Yep. She's my big eater."

And in the privacy or our own home he very lovingly calls me "piggie." Good thing I have some serious self-esteem and I'm not overweight. Otherwise he'd be in big trouble.

It's not just food though. It is specifically foods containing chocolate with which I have this problem. In fact, most people who know me would consider me to be a very giving person. This whole bad sharer thing really is a closeted personality trait that only my immediate family and my husband know about. But put a chocolate chip cookie or a brownie in front of me, and we're going to have a smackdown.

This all came to head last week in a screaming fight with my husband. Let me preface this by saying you know you are in a very good marriage when the worst fight you've had in months is about chocolate chip cookies.I made a batch of 24 Pillsbury cookies. Nothing fancy. Just the spoon-up-heaps-off-the-roll-and-pop-them-in-the-oven kind. We were watching Scrubs on DVD and sharing the cookies. It was roughly a one-for-one eating encounter. Kevin was leaving town the next day for business and asked if I would save some cookies for him. "Sure," I said. And I meant it.

End of Day 1 (Wednesday): 11 cookies left

Knowing that I am not good at temptation, Kevin sealed the cookies in a tupperware container and put tham on the VERY top shelf of the cupboard. I had to climb on a stool to get to them.

Kevin was gone for one night and when he returned on Thursday, he didn't eat any cookies at all. End of Day 2 (Thursday): Not exactly sure how many I ate, but...

Beginning of Day 3 (Friday): 2 cookies left

We were driving down to Denver to help my brother and his wife move to a new house. Kevin pulled the tupperware container down and very sarcastically said,

"Oh look. You saved me some cookies."

I, of course, was very proud of the fact that I hadn't eaten the last two. It took a lot of self discipline to keep from climbing up on that stool to eat those last two cookies.

"No. I saved you a cookie. One of those is for me. And one is for you."

Kevin rolled his eyes and thought that it was the end of the discussion and he had simply gotten screwed. But I was mad about the fact that he hadn't given me kudos for saving 2 cookies. After a lot of sputtering about getting Alex ready to leave and silent fuming, I finally let Kevin have it on the way down the mountain.

"You don't even appreciate the fact that I saved some cookies."

"You saved a cookie according to you. Besides I was hoping there would be some left for tomorow on the plane."

"So then just tell me. When one makes a batch of 24 cookies, what is the appropriate timeframe for saving/eating these cookies."

"Oh forget it," Kevin said.

"No, seriously. Obviously, I'm not following the rules. So just tell me what would make you happy and I will save the cookies for the predetermined amount of time."

"Well the serving size is 2 cookies."

"Right. So let's say we're having 1 serving for lunch and 1 serving after dinner. That's 4 cookies a day times two people. 8 cookies a day. So they should last us three days. Which they have. This is Thursday and I made them on Tuesday. Three days!"

"No, you made them Tuesday night. So technically, it hasn't even been a day and a half. You just have different definitions of sharing. In the past 90% for you and 10% for me has been fine. But I really like these cookies, so I was hoping to get a few more. 90/10 in your mind is fair and equitable."

"Oh, you really want to break this down by percentages? Let's talk about the amount of time that I am at home with the cookies vs. the amount of time that you are there. I spend 95% of my time at the house, with the kids. So all of my nutritional and caloric needs are met by food we have at home. You are here maybe 25% of your time, and most of that is sleeping. So fair and equitable should in fact be 95%/5%."

Yes, I did in fact say that. Can you believe how desperate an argument can get when cookies are involved?

"So, I don't care about the percentages. Just tell me how we can solve this because I'm sick of fighting about this every time I make cookies. Besides, to quote The Little Red Hen, 'He who makes the bread, will eat the bread,'" I said.

"Well, I guess we're going to have to split the cookies up."

"So you're saying that if I make a batch of 24, I give you 12 up front and I take 12. Your 12 cookies are yours to eat at whatever speed you would like?"

"Yes, I guess that's what I'm saying. Will that work?"

"I guess, but it sounds a little childish to me," I said. (Not mentioning that in fact this entire conversation is the most childish thing I've ever heard.)

"Childish? Yes. But necessary if we're ever going to stop having this discussion. Besides I'm sure I will end up giving you some of my cookies anyway. Because at the rate that you eat them, I will have stockpiles of cookies by the end of the year."

So it was decided. We would take the childish route. Pretty soon we're going to have separate shelves in the refrigerator for his food and my food.I made another batch of cookies when we got back from New Hampshire. After they had cooled, I put 12 in a ziplock bag and delivered it to my husband.

My cookies were gone in two days. I ate 9 the first day and polished off the last three yesterday. And my husband's cookies are now lurking somewhere in this house waiting to be eaten one at a time. Here I am 18 years later, and I haven't learned. I know this is a Dr. Phil episode just waiting to be filmed: food addictions, childish sharing techniques, selfish life choices. But you know what? Kevin is right. In my world when it comes to chocolate chip cookies, 90%/10% is definitely fair and equitable.

Now where did he hide his little bag of cookies?

We're Here to Pump You Up!

2009-02-06T15:12:00.004-07:00

One of the most daunting parts about this P90x program is that you are regularly doing pull-ups. I honestly don't think that I've attempted a pull-up since those 8th grade state physical fitness tests. And back then, it was a sad, sad, sad thing!

Since having kids, I'd like to think that my arms are A LOT stronger from lugging around the boys and other kid-paraphernalia all day, but only time will tell.

I bought this today:

I'm having visions of hanging in my doorway struggling to worm my way up to the bar. Maybe if I buy some of those 80s-style weight lifting gloves and get that great Eddie Munster hair-do, I'll have enough power to get my body up there.

I'll let you know how things go with Pull-Up Attempt #1.

Setting Some Me Priorities

2009-02-06T14:08:00.007-07:00

With little time to myself these days, I'm needing to establish some priorities and set some goals in order to make sure I don't waste that precious alone time that I do have. Below is a short list of things that I've been thinking about.

Getting in Shape:

After being pregnant or nursing for four years straight (roughly), it's time to whip this body back into shape. Amazing how before kids, even at my laziest, I would hover around 130ish. Now, post-babies, at my laziest, my body has settled into being comfortable at 140. NOT acceptable for my size and shape. So, I was reading a facebook survey the other day (25 random things) written by a friend of mine. She is currently attempting this workout program called P90X. Then, the very next day, I was watching t.v. and saw an infomercial for the program. I ordered it on the spot, figuring it was some sort of a sign. In fact, it's probably just blast marketing on the part of the P90x people. Either way, it's on its way to my house, and I'll post updates as to how it's going. I think it's going to kick my a$$. My goal is to simply do my best and stick with it for 90 days. At this point, even if I'm not ripped and shredded (not the goal here!) by the end, at least 90 days of activity vs. 90 days of sedentary existence is good.

Bettering the world:

I've registered to walk the 3-Day walk for Breast Cancer in August. My training for that will begin in March. I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to pull off the P90x program and train to walk 60 miles in three days at the same time. But hey, you have to have big goals, right? In the meantime, I'm excited to kick off the quest to raise $2,500 for something in which I believe. Want to sponsor me?

Writing:

The musical is in full swing (in my head). It's time to get some more of it down on paper. I'm setting a goal to have the book (script) completed by May 15. Songs have lots of notes right now, but no lyrics in process. If I get the script finished by May(ish), I'm hoping to have the songs completed by June. Possible? Yes! Probable? We'll see.

Oh, and in the midst of this, I've committed to helping plan my husband's high school reunion which will take place next summer!

Whew! I'm tired. Taking a breath and then off to get this stuff started!

Oh How Long It's Been!

2009-02-02T08:13:00.002-07:00

I don't know why I was suddenly feeling the urge to blog after all of this time. It's always a good indication to me that my head and my heart are feeling on top of life again. I can tell that I'm in a good place when, in spite of the fact that I'm literally juggling 28 million different things right now, I still want to blog. So, more on this later...I've got several posts going in my head right now which I promise to spit out in cyberspace very soon.

My Writing

2008-03-01T21:15:00.026-07:00

A sampling of my writing:

- Evergreen, Colorado

Performing Arts:

Visual Arts:

- Conifer, Colorado

"Artful Journey offers unique art courses close to home"

- Littleton, Colorado

"Women on wheels bring athleticism, excitement to Denver"

- Colorado Serenity

- From Eulogy to Joy

- Rally to Rescue

"‘Phoenix’ Reborn"

"Meant to Be"

"Soaring Cindy Takes Off"

"Kitten Love"

- Today's Breeder

"Both Ends of the Leash"

"New hope for heart disease"

- Purina Pro Club Updates

"Oral Disease Considered Common Problem in Chihuahuas"

"Scientists Seek Genetic Cause of Compulsive Disorder in Dobermans"

"Gene Discovery in Maine Coons is First Mutation Identified for HCM"

"American Water Spaniel Owners Contribute to Epilepsy Research"

"Genetic Marker Test Helps to Identify Degenerative Myelopathy"

About Me

2008-02-28T16:48:00.027-07:00

100 things about me that you should know...

1. I was born in Wausau, Wisconsin. I don't remember it though because my family moved to Illinois when I was 6 months old.

2. I spent most of my life in Illinois - mainly suburbs of Chicago.

3. As a result of this, I used to say Wis-cahn-sin and even "melk" (milk) and "pellow" (pillow). If you're from the Chicago area, you'll get the reference.

4. I have one sibling, a brother that I've looked up to my whole life.

5. He's the outgoing one and I'm more shy - although my friends are always shocked when I tell them I'm an introvert. They've never thought of me this way.

6. This is because I ask A LOT of questions. I can carry on a conversation with a wall because I'm really good at getting other people to talk. I spend very little time talking about myself, however.

7. I got married in 1996 - six weeks after I graduated from college.

8. My husband and I are happy that we're still together. We're also a little shocked considering how young we were and how bad the statistics are for couples staying together these days.

9. We've lived in 5 different places - not just houses, but cross-country moves - since we've been married. (Michigan [2 places], Colorado, St. Louis, Colorado)

10. We've loved each and every place for different reasons, but would like to stay in Colorado.

11. In Michigan, we lived on a lake. We once saw a deer fall through the ice and into the freezing water below. I called the fire department and they came out to attempt to rescue the deer. They couldn't, but after what seemed like forever, the deer managed to get out on its own.

12. In St. Louis, we bought a historic house built in 1900. We renovated and restored it ourselves. It was beautiful. It had a wrap-around front porch and a sleeping porch off the master bedroom. Those are two things I've always wanted in a house.

13. Another thing I've always wanted is a porch swing. My dad built me one for Christmas 2008, and we're going to hang it up soon. Can't wait!

14. I just realized how much I love porches. Something about the slow, easy lifestyle of lingering on a porch that I love.

15. I love to eat! I love to eat A LOT! (Meaning, I love the act of eating and I love eating large quantities.)

16. My favorite things to eat involve any sort of dark chocolate or seafood - but not together.

17. I have a crazy texture aversion that doesn't allow me to eat anthing that dollops (i.e., mushy things) - mashed potatoes, pudding, sour cream, creamy icing, soft ice cream. These things make me gag.

18. I was blessed with a super-high metabolism. This combined with the texture aversion (which prevents me from eating lots of very fattening things), has made it so that I'm not 1,000 lbs.

19. I think this is because I'm very fidgety, too. Constantly moving, so I burn off everything that I eat.

20. I lived with a family in France when I was in fifth grade. They had a son my age, Sebastien, who came to live with my family later. I regret that I lost touch with him over the years.

21. I ran cross-country and track in Junior High and High School. I was pretty good - actually came in first place in the 1600m several times.

22. I HATE running today!

23. I was a cheerleader in high school. Anyone who met me after high school thinks this is crazy because they have the impression that cheerleaders are blonde, stupid and slutty. I am none of these things.

24. I'm embarrassed to say that my first (shoulder dislocation) and second (concussion) major life injuries were from cheerleading. I dislocated my shoulder catching a girl who we had tossed into the air. I was in a sling for a month.

25. I quit my job at Blockbuster because they tried to make me carry around HUGE stacks of videos for shelving while I was in a sling with a dislocated shoulder.

26. My first real job was at a residential home for severely retarded and handicapped children. I worked mostly with the newborns and babies. That job changed my life in so many ways.

27. After that I worked at a Hallmark store and at the dreaded Blockbuster video store.

28. I went to college at a small liberal arts school in a cornfield in Indiana. I can honestly say that I loved every minute of it.

29. While in college I spent time working on medical teams in the jungles of Argentina and the mountains of Bolivia. I got to pull teeth, deliver a baby and perform toe surgery.

30. I also had a dear friend killed by a lightning strike while we were in Bolivia. To this day I'm still afraid of lightning.

31. The first thing I ever had published (aside from articles in my high school and college newspapers) was a personal essay about this tragedy in Bolivia. It was in a book on the grieving process called "From Eulogy to Joy."

32. My senior year, I worked as an admission counselor. I loved interviewing prospective students and their families. It was rewarding to help high schoolers realize if DePauw was the right fit for them.

33. I met my husband in college. He is the level-headed, left brained person to my dream-bigger-than-reality, right brained personality. He is amazing.

34. We've backpacked in Alaska together - we have the most amazing photos of grizzly bears.

35. We've plastered ourselves against the wall of a train tunnel in Spain while walking the Caminito del Rey near the Chorro Dam. The train wasn't scheduled to be coming through when it did. It was the loudest thing I've ever heard.

36. We've been scuba diving in Hawaii and St. Martin and Cancun. My husband gets sea sick every time we go scuba diving, but it makes for great fish watching when he hurls in the water.

37. We hiked to the very top of Angels Landing in Zion National Park. Even the part with the chain bolted into the rock.

38. We love backpacking in Canyonlands National Park. I think the Maze District is one of the most beautiful and peaceful places I've ever been.

39. My first job after I got married was doing fundraising for the March of Dimes. I loved planning the fundraising events. I also loved planning my wedding. I've always said that if most weddings and events didn't fall on weekends, I'd love to be a professional event planner.

40. After that I worked in marketing for a performing arts presenter in Michigan.

41. I adore the performing and the visual arts. I could spend all day long in a theater or a gallery/musuem.

42. I am so lucky that I get to write about the performing and visual arts today. I write two weekly columns for the Canyon Courier in Evergreen.

43. I once played Veruca Salt in a community theater version of "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." I think it was the highlight of my acting career. I play a really good spoiled brat.

44. I'm not a brat, but I was definitely spoiled. Being the youngest child, and a girl, my parents always let me make the decisions about where we went on vacation, where we went out to eat, etc.

45. My brother used to make me fake cry when we went to the drive-through at the bank. He thought it would make the teller give us more suckers because she felt sorry for the sad little girl in the back seat.

46. When we moved to Colorado the first time, I got a job as the marketing director at an architecture firm. I learned a lot about marketing, but even more about managing people - even those that don't want to be managed.

47. It St. Louis, I ran the creative department of a Fortune 500 company. I loved combining my creative skills with my managerial talent to produce great products.

48. After that I started my own consulting firm. I do large scale marketing and public relations planning, as well as implementing the nuts and bolts of these plans (i.e., website design, branding campaigns, brochure authoring, etc.)

49. My entire life I've wanted to be a writer.

50. Although I have had many things published over the years, I never felt like I could call myself a writer.

51. The first time I got paid to write something (besides the text for a brochure), I felt like I could honestly use the term "writer."

52. That was a very proud day!

53. Today, I write all the time. I write weekly articles on the arts. I write articles about dogs and cats for Ralston-Purina. I'm writing a novel. I'm writing a musical. I don't have enough time to write.

54. I belong to the Dog and Cat Writers Associations of America. I didn't even know those existed.

55. As much as I like the varied schedule and projects from my consulting work, I LOVE writing. I think that's what I want to do when I grow up.

56. I am the mother of two amazing boys - Alex and Ben.

57. My first pregnancy was a breeze in every way.

58. My second pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 13 weeks.

59. My third pregnancy (with Son #2) was more challenging than my first. I was sick for 14 weeks straight - all day long!

60. I delivered my second son in the car on I-70 (the busiest highway in America) while my husband was still driving the car 85 mph.

61. I was in the front seat.

62. I suffered through a bout of post-partum depression after my second son was born. I didn't even know that it was PPD until my husband forced me to go see my doctor. I just thought maybe having a second kid had turned me into an angry, anxious person who cried a lot. I'm glad that wasn't the case.

63. I went to see a therapist who told me to tap on my head and my lip when I was feeling anxious. I found a different therapist who just talked to me and listened to me - without the tapping. That seemed to work much better. I even went on anti-depressants for awhile. Finally, the PPD passed, and I learned a lot about myself in the process.

64. Now that the PPD is gone, I never take for granted the amazing, happy life that I have. Depression is a dark and lonely place. A place that I never want to go back to.

65. My kids are the light of my life. I feel like I'm more alive now that I have them.

66. My oldest is the sweetest, most sensitive and creative child I've ever met.

67. My youngest has an incredible spirit. He is fearless and has the greatest laugh I've ever heard.

68. Every day I'm thankful for what kind children I have. Kindness is something that you can try to teach, but I believe it is primarily an innate trait.

69. I'm so lucky to be a stay-at-home mom, although somedays I feel like running away to Mexico!

70. I have never felt more ecstatic, more frustrated, more intelligent, more terrified, more nurturing and more in love than I do as a mother.

71. I have a new respect for my mother's infinitely deep well of patience now that I am a mother myself.

72. I love my parents very much and respect both of them immensely.

73. I love to knit. My children own more hats than they will ever wear in a lifetime. I have spent hours making hand knitted socks. Alex swears that his bright green "Kermit the Frog" socks are the best ones in the drawer because Mommy made them.

74. I have an addictive personality, so I can't just have a hobby. It turns into a passion. Consequently, I need an extra closet to store all of my yarn, needles, jewelry making supplies, sewing needles, etc.

75. I'm a sucker for working with non-profits. I've always said that I'm destined to make very little money because I love working with people and causes that are bettering our world.

76. I love animals. When I was little, my parents used to joke that I had some sort of magical power over animals. A combination of Crocodile Dundee and the Horse Whisperer. Large and small animals used to lay their heads in my lap. They still do, but they also do it now with my youngest son, Ben.

77. Kids are also this way with me. I've always loved kids, and I think they can tell. They seem to be drawn to me.

78. When I was 3, my dog's tail got chopped off when the screen door slammed shut on it. I sat in the backyard comforting the dog who was spurting blood everywhere while my mom called the emergency vet.

79. I now have a dog of my own. Bailey is a Brittany Spaniel.

80. We decided to get a Brittany because of the pet store where we bought our dog food when I was growing up. The owner had a Brittany that used to lay up on the counter and sleep. I thought they were such calm dogs.

81. After getting Bailey, I quickly learned that they aren't what you would call a calm breed.

82. Bailey is a bird dog who we've never taken hunting. As a puppy she took the job upon herself. She used to grab birds in mid-flight in our backyard. She would deliver them to me proudly. She hasn't done this in awhile, but I know she'd still like to.

83. I used to have a recurring dream about being trapped under water. I haven't had it in very long time.

84. I have incredibly vivid dreams. I dream every night, and I always remember them. My husband has gotten tired very tired of listening to me recount all of them. After 13 years of marriage, that's close to 5,000 dreams. I'd be tired of it too!

85. I love to read. Books, magazines, newspapers, cereal boxes. Anything with the written word can suck me in.

86. I particularly love novels. If someday I can, through just the right combination of words, make someone feel the way some of my favorite authors have made me feel, I will consider my life successful. The written word is an incredible thing!

87. My husband calls me Annie because my middle name is Anne. He's the only person in the world that calls me that. I love it.

88. Growing up, I always wanted a nickname. My parents intentionally named me and my brother with names that couldn't be turned into nicknames. (Sara and Mark) That's why I love the Annie thing.

89. I'm addicted to Diet Coke. From 2004 (when we started trying to get pregnant with our first) until 2008 (when I stopped breast feeding my second) I swore off caffeine entirely. But because I have that addictive personality, I'm back on the DC wagon. It's all or nothing, baby!

90. I didn't really enjoy being pregnant with my sons, but I loved nursing them. I consider myself lucky that nursing (and childbirth for that matter) was so easy for me. I know that's the exception, not the rule.

91. A guy tried to pick me up in a bar once by telling me that he dove with Jacques Cousteau on the Calypso. I started asking him a bunch of technical scuba diving questions that he didn't know the answer to. I probably would have played along if I had wanted to go out with him. But I didn't, so it was fun to watch him squirm.

92. We spend every New Year's Eve with the same group of friends from college. It's usually a 3 or 4 day event, sometimes involves fireworks (if we're not in Colorado) and always involves lots of cooking and laughter.

93. I love flying on airplanes. Ever since I was a little kid, I have this wonderful sense of anticipation when I get on a plane. I don't think it's as much about the flight as it is the adventures on the other end of the trip.

94. I have a really hard time saying no to things. I'm overcommitted and understaffed in life. But I continue to say yes to things. I'm constantly working on this bad habit.

95. I love sushi. I could eat it every meal of every day of my life. If I had all of the money in the world, I would hire a personal sushi chef - and give boatloads away to non-profits (money, not sushi - well, maybe they would like that too!?!) (See #73).

96. Sleeping is one of my favorite things. I honestly think it's because I'm always cold. Curling up in flannel pajamas under warm covers is the only time of day that I'm truly warm.

97. I also love long, hot showers. I don't get many of those now that I'm a mom.

98. It will never cease to amaze me how much of myself I see in my children. It's one of life's greatest gifts to see yourself reflected in another person. It also makes me realize that many of my crazy quirks are genetic and not learned. I never wanted to pass along my neuroses, but my boys just have some of them anyway!

99. I hope when I'm 90 I can write another "100 things" list and it's even more rich with experiences and ideas.

100. I realized from re-reading this list that I love the word "amazing." I'm truly fortunate that my life has allowed me to see and do so many things and meet so many people that are worthy of this word. Amazing!!

New Title?

2006-10-03T12:09:00.000-06:00

I swear this blog should be called "Things to Remember" instead of "Finding Sanity." I have to say after 18 months of being a mom, I truly feel like I'm living in a very sane world. So I often find myself just wanting to remember all of the wonderful rather than complaining about any sort of craziness. I guess that's the sign that things are going well.

So, new things to remember...

Animal Sounds:
Yesterday, Alex and I were talking about sounds that animals make. Well, talking would be a very strong word. More like quizzing. I was quizzing and he was answering. Some days I feel like I'm the crazy Alex Trebec-mom who is pushing my kid to be on Jeopardy by the time he is two. But he seems to love being questioned about everything and is so satisfied when he either a) gets the "right" answer or b) comes up with an answer that he deems more correct or more hilarious than the true "right" answer.

So the topic was "Animal Sounds for $500." His responses are priceless. It may be the case that my son hears things differently than everyone else on the planet (perhaps animals on Planet Alex speak French or Russian), or it may be that his 18-month old vocabulary hasn't started to process certain key consonants and vowels. Either way, Alex's animals are much more fun than the animals on Planet Grown-Up.

Cat (referred to as "Kink" -- a hybrid of "kitty" and "cat"): The "kink" says "Nnnneeeeeow!"
Dog (referred to as "Bay" usually, but sometimes "Dahw" and every so often "Dog"): The "Dahw" says "Woooomph!" Most dogs on Planet Alex have just caught a very large kickball right in the stomach as they are beginning to bark.
Lizard (referred to as "llllllllllllish"): The "llllllllish" says "Fffth-thip" Lizards on Planet Alex often try to mimic lizards on Planet Mommy which involves a quick tongue flick. What I didn't realize until Alex started to do it was that there are sound effects that accompany the flick.
Bird (referred to as "dirb" or "dirbie" -- slight dyslexia on this one): The "dirb" says "Teet, teet, teet." Needless to say, we avoid discussing "dirb" in public for fear that grouchy grocery shoppers will think I am teaching my child inappropriate things.
Cow (referred to as "mmmmmmew"): The "mmmmmew" also says "mmmmmew." As an English major, I'm so proud of my budding Shakespeare's use of onomatopoeic words as such a young age!
Pig (referred to as "pig"): The "pig" says "unk, unk." Usually the pigs whispers "unk" while scrunching his nose up and thrusting out his lips, as we all know that this is the most fun part of "oink" anyway.
Sheep (referred to as "sheep" or sometimes "shhhh") The "sheep" says "naa, naa, naa." For the rest of the day I have "My Angel is a Centerfold" stuck in my head after our sheep discussions. Damn, the sheep on Planet Alex have a good sense of rhythm.
Owl (referred to as "Who-Huh"): Again with the poetic devices. The "who-huh" says "who-huh?" Owls on Planet Alex must be very curious or pets of Moon Zappa because the up-speak is quite prevalent.
Duck (referred to as "duck"). Although duck is clearly pronouced, and Alex's stuffed duck is clearly his best friend, ducks on Planet Alex do not speak. I walk around saying "Quack, quack" all day, but Alex's duck are mute. He did inform me very emphatically that the duck is "geeen" though. Ducks are not yellow, but in fact green in my son's world. In fact, I'm beginning to worry a little bit the rods and cones configuration in my son's eyes. He is very insistent that everything I ask him about is "Geeen!" That could be a small problem when it comes to passing a driving test.
Horse (referred to as "housh") The "housh" says "nee." Just once though and then it's on to the next animal. Horses on Planet Alex are creatures of very few words.
Moose (referred to as "mooosh") Moose don't speak at all, but I think that's mostly because I don't know what a moose says. Any thoughts on this one? I'm open to suggestions.

New animals on the Jeopardy docket are zebra, giraffe, elephant (although sometime he calls these "phant") and rooster. These obviously fall into the "Animal Sounds for $1000" category!

It's Like Living With a Dictionary

2006-09-26T15:39:00.000-06:00

I took Alex to his 18-month doctor appointment the other day. She asked if he is saying words. I said, "Yes, more than I can count." I guess the average for an 18 month old is 15-20 words. This kids has hundreds. I thought I should list as many as I can think of with Alex pronunciation for future reference:

Fork (faulk)
Spoon (Poon-sh)
Knife (Naif-sh)
Cup
Bowl
Plate (Play)
Milk (Mil)
Cracker (Cack)
Clock (Cock)
Crane (Cane)
Train (Taine)
Car
Truck (Tuk)
Green (geen) The only color that he currently knows
One (one)
Two (two)
Three (Sfree)
Mom (Ma)
Daddy (dah)
Poppa (Pop)
Bailey (Bay)
Blanket (Bank)
Night-night (nigh-nigh)
Lid (Lllllllid)
Lap (Llllllllap)
Book (book)
Chair (Chay)
Hand (Hind or Haind) At times he sounds like a small German man demanding your hand.
Hot Dog (Hot)
Hot (hot)
Little (Llllllil')
Wagon (Wag)
Dance (Da with a long "a")
Phone (fun)
Water (wah)
Teeth (teef)
Nose (Nos)
Hair (Hay-re)
Eye (eye)
Bath (baff)
Up (up)
Down (down)
Cold (col)
Logging (lahg)
Man (mine or maine) Again with that German thing...
Coal (col)
Kangaroo (kang)
Boat (Bow)
Race Car (race)
Zebra (ssssssebr)
Giraffe (sheraff)
Kitten (cait or kitt)
Dog (daw)
Green beans (been)
Cheese (cheeshe)
Kayak (Kai)

I know that there are more that I'm forgetting, so I will have to post more regularly to remind myself.

August and September have been busy months for us. We had several trips to the lake for concerts in the park. Alex loves watching live music. He is especially fascinated with the lighting and sound equipment. We fully expect that he'll be a roadie at some point in his life.

We went to a Rockies/Cubs game at Coors Field in full Cubs regalia. Alex had his Cubs warmup suit on and loved watching people in the batting cages.

We started hiking in the Mountain Mamas hiking group. He still loves to be outside and likes to interact (we can't really call it playing at this point, can we?) with the other kids after the hikes. On one hike at Flying J Open Space, he got to pet his first horse. He cried when it was another little boy's turn. He loves dogs and cats. I think he has gotten my way with animals.

We had our first successful photo shoot with a professional photographer. Our other attempts ended in snotty noses for Alex and tears for us all. But Amy, our photographer was so great. We have some amazing shots that I can't wait to order. He looks so grown up.

Our trip to Toronto was to see our friends Michele and Jason and their two-year old daughter Emily was so much fun. We spent a day at the Hockey Hall of Fame. Alex was antsy, but loved the "players' lockeroom" section and watching the big kids shoot pucks. Alex loved playing with Emily, and more importantly with Emily's toys. The kids were so cute riding in the double stroller together and running around in their rain suits. Emily had the Boston Bruins complete outfit and Alex had the bright blue "Gumby" suit. He liked riding on the motor boat but was a little tentative about the sound of the motor.

The trip to Toronto came during a very trying two weeks during which Alex had resorted to screeching whenever he didn't get his way. My patience as a mom was really tested. But, Toronto was followed by a "Mom and Day only" trip to Vegas. Kevin's parents spent the week in Colorado and took care of Alex over our weekend trip. I don't know if it was the end of the phase, a much needed break from Mom & Dad or spoiling by Mamaw and Poppa, but something seemed to break him out of screaming mode. I came home refreshed and so excited to spend time with my little man again.

We started a music class for toddlers. Lots of banging on drums, shaking bells and singing. Alex continues to be an "observer" in new situations. He isn't one of those kids that jumps right in immediately. He likes to hang back (usually in my lap) and scope out the situation before he decides to participate. He is VERY talkative at home, but pretty quiet when he is in places with lots of other people. I'm curious to see how his personality develops even more in social situations as he gets older.

Finally, we had a memorial service for Kevin's grandmother who passed away while we were in Toronto. After all of the flying that Alex has been doing over these two months, we were dreading another flight with the squirmy guy. But he stepped up to the plate and was AMAZING all weekend. He handled the flights like a champ, he loved the babysitters at the church and charmed everyone he met. Although it was a sad occasion, it was a great time to spend with family and friends.

What a crazy time it's been. I can't believe it's fall. My how the time goes!!

Reading...It's Like Breathing Again

2006-08-03T15:45:00.000-06:00

So my computer exploded two weeks ago, and I've been in media limbo trying to piece together life as I once knew it with my computer. With no computer to distract me (checking e-mail every half hour, reading cheap websites about Hollywood gossip), I've been reading again. I was a literature major in college. And I was a lit major for a reason. Reading, to me, is like coming up from the bottom of a swimming pool and taking that first breath. It's natural and it's essential. I can honestly say I don't feel like my complete self when I'm not reading. And since Alex was born 16 months ago, I've read 1 (count it, 1) book cover to cover.

It was Tom Wolfe's I Am Charlotte Simmons. I spent many hours as a newly-nursing mom reading this thick, deliciously trashy and insightful book. But since then, the well has been pretty dry. "Oh, I don't have the time. I don't have the energy. I can't concentrate." The truth is that I've been lazy and sucked into the internet...wasting away time that I could have been making myself feel whole again.

Now, with the computer drought, I've been reading - alot. Here is the brief list before I forget.

Who Moved My Blackberry? by Lucy Kellaway I personally had a hard time with this book. I spent most of it feeling the same why I felt while watching Meet the Parents. I felt so embarrased for the main character that I couldn't wait for the book to be over. It had a few funny "corporate speak" moments though.

Followed quickly by Summer Lovin' by Carly Philips. I have to admit, I've never read a romance novel. I bought this on a whim at Wal-mart because it was $4. I didn't actually know it was a "romance" novel - the kind that could have had Fabio on the cover, but it was. Ah well, I learned a little bit about the Harlequin genre, and had a light read. Glad it's over, but it was painless entertainment. And really, don't feel it necessary to "Search Inside" as the graphic says. It's all pretty much laid out for you in these "romance" novels, you don't need to do any searching!

Next up, a truly hilarious book of essays. You have to be a Kevin Smith fan to appreciate the film references and his style of humor, but I laughed out loud the majority of the book. Silent Bob Speaks: The Collected Writings of Kevin Smith. Buy it, read it, love it! At least for me that was the case.

Then I was out of new books at my fingertips, so I started digging on bookshelves. A friend of mine gave me a copy of Running With Scissors by Augusten Burroughs this summer. To be perfectly honest, I almost stopped reading this memoir several times throughout the first half of the book. I felt sick, I felt sad, I felt like my life was meaningless, I felt that my kid might turn out to be socially inept. However, I remembered that these are all the signs of a good and truly moving book, so I kept reading. Have to say, at the end of the day, I loved it. This one says "Search Inside." Go for it, and search deeply.

Now I'm on an Augusten Burroughs spree. I have a stack a mile high from the library. I just finished Magical Thinking:True Stories and Possible Side Effects. These are both short books of personal essays. They are hilarious, sad, and cutting. His mind picks up on things that make me say, "Huh, I'm not the only crazy person who notices those things!"

Then I read a story in the newspaper about the Evergreen Players piece that they performed for the annual theater competition. The relationship between the mother and three daughters sounds like something worth exploring for the novel I'm writing. The play was called Independence by Lee Blessing. I walked away feeling slightly empty. Although it was an interesting portrait of teetering on the brink of mental illness.

That's it for now. I'm starting Sellevision by Augusten Burroughs tonight. Meanwhile, I'm supposed to be reading:

Between Pets and People by Alan Beck

and New Perspectives on Our Lives With Companion Animals by Alan Beck, for my latest article that I'm writing for Purina. Although fascinating, somehow Augusten Burroughs is much more interesting!

Month 15.5 and counting

2006-07-10T12:54:00.000-06:00

I realized today how much I'm forgetting as Alex is growing in front of my eyes. I've made a vow to be better about documenting all of my favorite (and not-so-favorite) things. So here goes:

Talking:
He speaks! Regular words are:
- Boom-ba (ball)
- moo-ma (the moon in his traing book)
- bay (Bailey, our dog)
- Da (daddy)
- Ma-ma (but only when he's hungry, tired or sick - I guess I should be flattered that he pulls out my name when his world is crashing down)
- Chee-s (cheese with the "s" thrown in as an afterthought as if he's not quite sure if it goes there or not!)
- Ba (back) he loves to drive his matchbox cars up and down my back
- Ba (bath) he runs around yelling this when I say it's time for a bath
- Du-ie (duckie) his lifetime favorite toy and his favorite picture on his bathtime stacking cups
- Tru, tuh, or some version of tu-kah (truck) still his favorite object on this earth, hands down!
- Ni-ni (night, night) This is what we say at bedtime and naptime. I say are you ready to go "night, night," and he toddles into his room and waits to be put in bed
- Bewh (book)

Amazing phrases:
Sometimes out of the blue, the child will speak full phrases (which I can never get him to repeat, of course)

- Last week he grabbed his jacket, walked to the door and announced, "Going!"
- Last night while he was playing in the bathtub, I said, "Are you in the bathtub?" He clearly responded "I in ba-tuh!" (I'm in the bathtub!) I thought children weren't supposed to grasp the concept of transferring pronouns at this age. (From "you" to "I"), but both Kevin and I clearly heard it

Books:
Alex LOVES to read books. He usually grabs a stack, brings them to me and plops himself in my lap. His train book has a conductor on the last page. The page reads, "The conductor announces 'All Aboard!'" with a cute picture of the conductor raising one hand in the air. All I have to ask is "What does the conductor say?" Alex raises one hand in the air and waits for me to say ALLLL ABOARRRRRRRD! He thinks this is the funniest thing ever.

After watching me put lotion on my legs mutiple times, he likes to take the lotion bottle out of the bathroom drawer. He rubs it on my leg or arm and waits for me to mimick rubbing it in. I say, "Alex, put the lotion on your belly." He rubs the bottle around and around on his belly and waits for me to rub the "lotion" in.

He loves to point to body parts. I say, "Alex, where's your hair?" and he rubs the top of his head. Body parts that he knows are: head, hair, eye(s), nose, ear(s), mouth, teeth, belly, bellybutton, toes, feet. Parts that he's learning and gets sometimes: knees, chin, forehead, cheeks, arm.

He has become determined to teach himself to walk down stairs or steps foreward. He's been doing steps for many months now. I say, "Alex, on your belly," and he turns around and crawls down on his stomach and all fours. Now, he wants to walk down foreward. He practices on a footstool in the living room that is only 4-5 inches off the floor. Most of the time he launches face first toward the carpet, but every so often, he times his balance just right. Needless to say, we're not letting him practice on stairs right now!!